Throwback Thursday: On Perspiration, Transformation and Inspiration

Just about a year ago, this is what I was sporting on my left leg thanks to the expert chiropractic and healing care I received from Ryan J. Means, DC:



Ryan used every technique in his chiropractic bag of healing tools to get me back on the roads running again. He recommended exercises on a Theraband stabilizer:


and gave me exercises to grow a new gastroc muscle. Yes you read that correctly grow.a.new.gastroc.muscle. I gave him the results of my MRI which showed an atrophied gastroc muscle with fatty infiltrate. That's not a judgment, just a statement of what appeared to the radiologist on the MRI. When I met with the post polio doc to go over the results he told me that it's been that way since I contracted polio and there was nothing we could do about it. After getting those results I thought to myself, dang, it is a bloody miracle that I ran the 2009 Boston Marathon.

Ryan and I poured over Dr. Joe Dispenza's You Are the Placebo book and Dr. Joe's story inspired me to realize there are no limits to healing once we connect with our innate Divine Intelligence and surround ourselves with people who believe as we do. Ryan prescribed core exercises (how did I happen upon a chiropractor who is also a personal trainer and taught Boot Camp classes - there are no accidents) and while he adjusted me every other week, I'd go in for weekly tapings as I ventured out on the roads again. When I'd experience post run knee pain he suggested icing before and after every run; a practice I continue today along with increasing the challenge for all the exercises he prescribed for me. We decided that twice/week running and the other days cross training in the pool and/or strength training would be the perfect balanced training schedule for me.

I knew I wanted to go the distance again but there were naysayers I had to fire from my life first. Once I said yes and made a firm commitment to setting goals not limits, I put out the call to the Universe for a new healer to partner with me. The Universe answered the call with Dr. Ryan J. Means, a healer chiropractor!

It took a lot of sweat, a little bit of blood (who remembers that splat moment during our 6.5 miler?)



and a lot of tears to get me to the finish line of the Bermuda Half Marathon...but what a sweet journey of transformation from where I was in early 2015.

The journey continues as I continue to excavate the athlete within me; the athlete who was waiting to be born ever since I contracted paralytic polio at the age of 5 years old. I grow stronger, freer and more determined with each training run and each workout.

And now I inspire others...

It's amazing yet humbling for people to tell me how much I inspire them or that they've told someone about me who believes they could not do something and it inspires them to get off the couch and do something.

And that makes it all worthwhile - the blood, sweat and tears; the constant work to build strength and to heal the past. I am so blessed to have an amazing team with Dr. Ryan, a phenomenal partner on and off the roads with my bestie Tom and all of you - my village and readers whose support fuels my journey to achieve the very best I can be.

To your health and wellness,
Mary

The Force Awakens

38 years ago in a galaxy far far away - aka the Allston Cinema in Allston, Massachusetts, Tom and I went on one of our first dates to watch Star Wars.



Last night we went to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens:




I used to have difficulty sitting comfortably in a movie theater as a result of the late effects of paralytic polio and trauma and couldn't sit in the first few rows because of neurological tracking issues. The only seats left for yesterday afternoon's show was in the fourth row at the Chestnut Hill Luxe Cinema. I decided to go for it.

The seats were incredibly lush and comfortable and despite being near the front of the theater, I had no issues with tracking the action on the screen.

It's a powerful story...don't worry no spoilers here ... of the battle between good and evil; the light and the dark side.

I was reminded of how the Force is strong within me; how my connection to goodness and grace began when I contracted paralytic polio at age 5 and has seen me through a lifetime full of trials and tribulations. It's easy to forget about our connection to the Force - to Source and to realize how powerful we all are.

Last year, after meeting Ryan J. Means, DC my beloved chiropractor and now friend he helped to reawaken the Force within me with his passion for the practice of chiropractic medicine and his passionate belief of our body's ability to heal. He urged me to read Dr. Joe Dispenza's "You Are the Placebo" and it has become a guide for me to practice the ways of the Jedi as I recovered from a knee injury and set goals not limits in my passion to run distance again.

Today it was cold and windy for our last 11 miler before the Bermuda Half Marathon on 1/17/16. I thought about Dr. Joe's phrase, "Think greater than your circumstances". During these last 6 months I have trained in a way I never trained before. When I trained for the 2009 Boston Marathon I could not continue with strength training and cross training once we hit 10 miles on our long run. I've been consistent and harnessing the power of the Force to transform and transcend the wounds that those who chose the Dark Side inflicted on me.

The hay is in the barn. I have a few 3 milers to stay loose and gentle strength training and cross training to maintain, maintain, maintain and protect our investment of all those miles that are now deposited into the Bank of Bermuda.



The Force has awakened within me. I shall continue to harness its power for healing, to spread love, light, compassion, inspiration, joy and justice in the world. The Force is strong in this one ... I have triumphed over the Dark Side!

I believe I can fly!

We were not planning to do our long run today. We did the annual Christmas Baskets event with L Street Running Club where we deliver Christmas dinner and gifts to 40 families and 120 kids in need. As always it is a most special and sacred event where our Club comes together to buy gifts, order food and then organize and orchestrate delivery.

After the work was done we have our time for coffee, pastries and conversation. I got really energized about running Bermuda and on the way home suggested to Tom that we get our 12 miler on today. I'd been up since 6:30am, had been standing on my feet socializing and worked with our Club Vice President to organize deliveries and get everyone on their way. We hadn't paid attention to having a pre long run dinner because we weren't planning on a long run today.

We usually get up, do plank, crunches and clams, have breakfast and then go on our run. We got up. Meditated and headed over to L Street.

We had fruit before we left on our run, did our plank, crunches and clams and decided to see what we needed running from the inside out listening to our bodies in an out of the routine long run.

It felt amazing to be courageous and trust in my body especially after my right knee and IT band were "barking" at me during Christmas Baskets. What I realized was I was having a flashback to a year ago when we did Christmas baskets. It was shortly after my knee injury and I could barely walk. I had to sit down and couldn't talk running because I thought my running days were over but loved feeling the camaraderie of my Club.

Rather than focus on what my right knee was feeling I told my right knee that nothing happens in this house unless I say it does, reminded myself of me as a powerful healer and said to my body, "Yes we can!" I thought of the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza, author of my healing bible, You Are The Placebo who says that you have to think greater than current circumstances.

Yesterday I received a post card from China from my beloved chiropractor, Dr. Ryan Means. He said, "From March to 11/21/15 and double digits. I believe in your Spirit. Run girl run." His words echoed in my ears. I believed in my Spirit too.

As we set out to do our run around Jamaica Pond I said to Tom, "Bill Rodgers feet ran on this very path. I can feel his energy!"

There was a headwind and there are several hills around Jamaica Pond. Rather than focus on the cold head wind, we watched the leaves dance and swirl. We were reminded of when Team McManus trained for the 2009 Boston Marathon and marveled at how, on December 19th, even though it was chilly, the water still flowed freely and the ground was dry.

I left my doubts and worries behind me as we racked up our miles. As the run went on, my right knee released and along with it I released traumatic memories and memories of having been in an ankle to hip cast for 6 weeks during the summer when I was 11 years old. Tom and I talked about many things. It felt so good to smile and laugh and be together enjoying a spectacular day in New England.

It's 1.52 miles around Jamaica Pond but something went wonky with the GPS and rather than hitting the mile mark when we got to our car, we had to go about .4 of a mile farther to reach the mile mark. We stayed with it and I believe that when all was said and done we probably did about 12.4 miles rather than 12 but I was not going to stop until Nike+ told us we hit the 12 mile mark!

By the time we finished I felt sore everywhere yet I also felt exhilarated. I had just gone out and run 12 miles without having my usual pre long run dinner, without the usual morning routine, after having been a part of the Christmas Baskets and most importantly setting my mind and heart on the task before me.

It was wonderful to envision Bermuda in just a few weeks; especially the enthusiasm of Clarence's (Assistant Race Director) wife with whom we skyped a few weeks ago. Energy flowed through me and I felt invincible. I felt that I had conquered something and felt my power and connection to Source putting into practice all that I had learned during these past 9 months.

I felt Ryan's presence on the run and I smiled and knew I could go the distance again even though I had yet to run more than a couple of miles.

Nine months of intense training mind, body and Soul.

When I set out on today's long run I believed I could fly. I believed that I could just go out and run 12 miles and we'd figure out fueling along the way. I believed that I am healed, healthy, whole and strong and that the power of belief trumps any physical reality; any appearance.

I used to think that I could not go on
And life was nothing but an awful song
But now I know the meaning of true love
I'm leaning on the everlasting arms

If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly...

If I can see it, then I can be it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

Counting down the days to Bermuda. One more long run and then taper mode.

I've got this ... I believe I can fly!

Who Knew 9.5 Miles Could Hurt So Good: 68 Days and Counting to Bermuda Half Marathon

This time last year I was an injury waiting to happen. I wasn't doing core work or cross training. I was receiving nay sayer messages both from an Aqautics Instructor at Spaulding Rehab and my previous massage therapist. He said to me this time last year, "Your right leg is doing all the work and your left leg is just going along for the ride. I'm waiting for your left leg to speak to me." And so it sure did to the tune of swelling to the point where I could no longer bear weight on it. It turned out to be an incredible blessing.

How blessed am I to have found my way to Dr. Ryan J. Means, in March of this year, a chiropractor extraordinaire who reminded me about what I knew to be true; that we are the placebo and I can harness the power of my mind for healing partnering with like minded and like hearted professionals who can support my body's natural ability to heal.



It's been a slow and steady building of miles and today Team McManus hit a new milestone! 9.5 miles - the longest distance we have run since we ran the 2009 Boston Marathon. I woke up this morning feeling like it was Christmas getting ready to unwrap the gift of a long run.



When we arrived to Castle Island the wind was brutal and the air was much cooler than the predicted highs of 60 degrees. We modified our plan and started our run farther down Day Boulevard in South Boston where we had some protection from the wind and cooler air. Note to self always bring extra layers, head gear and gloves because after all, this is New England in November. The sun popped out from behind the clouds and the buildings insulated us from the wind.

In mile 2 I commented to Tom that I couldn't talk comfortably while we were running and given that we are now going the distance, we should slow down the pace. As I reviewed our pace/mile, we were doing a 14:00 minute mile for the 2nd mile. Way too fast for an endurance run. I could feel my hamstring tighten but once we slowed the pace and I was warmed up, we found a wonderful comfortable rhythm. We ran along the ocean and I imagined what it is going to feel like when we are in Bermuda.

There was a lot of wind and Tom suggested we lean into the wind rather than resist the wind. Great advice on the roads and in life. He said that the wind would be at our backs going back but the wind changed direction and became a head wind again. We smiled and I thought to myself that this is great resistance training and will build strength.

The miles seemed to fly by relishing our unplugged time together enjoying the view.

Bermuda Marathon Weekend's hashtags are #runbermuda #runhappy #letsdothis!

I ran happy. I ran long, strong, unencumbered and free. I've got this and my heart is full of gratitude.

Here is Team McManus with selfies in Southie:


One of the big questions that comes up during every long run is, "What's for lunch?"

We decided to go to The Paramount where my craving for a good veggie burger and Tom's craving for an omelet could both be satisfied. And it just so happens they have the most amazing sweet potato fries which I just had to sample to go with my burger.

I came home and had my ice bath, a hot shower, and a light dinner.

As I write this, a feeling of deep contentment stirs in my soul. I am tired, sore and filled with hope and excitement for how my body is responding to this training plan.

And yes 9.5 miles hurts so good. I have total trust in my body's ability to recover, to meet every challenge of training and to cross that finish line in Bermuda healthy and happy.

The Power of Words - Healthy Living with Dr. Bernie Siegel

I was blessed to share an hour with Bernie Siegel, MD aka bernie and my CD (Chosen Dad) last week on his radio show, Mind Health Matters on Healthylife.net radio.

I first heard about bernie from an earth angel nurse at Brigham and Women's Hospital where I was hospitalized for a bone infection in my shoulder joint back in the 80's. He has been my coach and my Chosen Dad (a phrase used by a woman whose life he helped save through Love) since then he has been my coach through many challenges.

We hadn't talked in quite some time but as happens with dear friends, it was as though no time had passed.

We reminisced about marathon stories and signs. He ran the NYC Marathon for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Initially when he was asked to raise money and run a marathon he said he would make a donation but his friend was rather persistent. So true to bernie, as he lined up on the Verrazano Bridge, he found a quarter. He thought to himself, if I find another penny I know that I'll have enough to go the 26.2 miles. When he got to Brooklyn, he spotted a penny in the street. He went off to the side to make sure he wouldn't get trampled and at just the right moment, he picked up the penny. Before I ran the 2009 Boston Marathon, he told me to look for the penny. It would be a sign that he and God would be with me. Sure enough in Wellesley at the halfway point of the marathon, there was my penny from bernie and God.

I was so honored and warmed to hear bernie read excerpts from my poems and to be able to share with him the power of poetry in my life and where I am today in my journey; how last December I was told I shouldn't run anymore and how I was blessed to meet Dr. Ryan Means, a chiropractor who told me I must read "You Are The Placebo," by Dr. Joe Dispenza. Coincidentally bernie writes on the back cover of Dr. Joe's book, "From my experience with patients with life-threatening illnesses, I have learned the truth as shared in You Are the Placebo. The body experiences what the mind believes...We all have the potential for self-induced healing built into us. The key is to know how to achieve your potential. Read and learn."

We talked about the potential that each of us possesses.

Words are powerful. They can be used to create and as I sat in a leg brace using a wheelchair at times for mobility, through the power of my pen I created a runner even though I had never run a day in my life. I wrote the poem Running the Race. Poetry poured out of me as I imagined, dreamed and visualized myself as healthy, happy and whole.

My poems asked the question how will I ever reclaim my life and expressed a profound desire to run unencumbered and free.

I was searching for someone who would be able to partner with me to heal everything that went before and found my way to Dr. Ryan J. Means, a healer chiropractor.

Through the power of his skilled positive touch and powerful intention with words that heal, I AM healing all that went before - all the horror, all the violence - all of it so I can run unencumbered and free and live a life overflowing gratitude with miracles.

bernie asked me how, after being abused, I was able to trust again and let in the power of positive touch. I shared with him my journey from body worker to body worker until I finally found my way to Dr. Ryan. God saved the best for last.

In one of my poems I write about Our Greatest Teacher:

Our Greatest Teacher

It’s easy to attach to pain
the angst
the anger
the suffering
squeezing Spirit into smaller and smaller spaces
losing sight of light
embodying pain
nerves frayed
teeth on edge chattering with fear
descending deeper and deeper into the abyss

a healer appears
a spark of love to illuminate
to heal
but first to learn

Pain – our greatest teacher
accept the sorrow
release the shame
courage and strength to face death
emerge from the shadows
surrender
allow pain to be
this too shall pass

with each blow my heart breaks open like a piñata
the soul’s treasures found
naked and vulnerable
fully clothed in Divine Love

appreciation and a grateful heart
sweet rewards in this delicious delightful life
peace joy and freedom
when the test is finally past.

bernie and I talked about the tests I had to pass to arrive in this moment and how poetry and positive touch have been powerful healing agents in my life. We blessed each other and felt deep gratitude for the time we spent together. It was sacred time,inspired time and I know a time that touched the hearts and lives of all who listened.

Countdown to Bermuda and Adding Up The Miles

Less than 75 days now until we toe the line at the Bermuda Half Marathon.

I have the course map on my refrigerator, as my cover photo on Facebook and as the wallpaper on my computer:



Yesterday was the first nine mile training run that Team McManus had done together since 2009:


I had done a solo 9 miler 3 weeks ago and knew it was a milestone but not as much as a milestone as yesterday's training run. Now Team McManus steadily builds miles until we taper two weeks before Bermuda.

It was a slow and steady pace for Team McManus on a glorious Fall day in New England. Tom kept reminding me that we were going for distance, not time and to let go of setting some arbitrary time constraint on myself. I let go and enjoyed the glorious sunshine, the beautiful foliage, the blue sky and the ripples in the water at the Reservoir.

The miles seemed to fly by and we both know I am ready to go the distance.

One of my friend's on Facebook asked me what was my breaking point at which I was able to return to running and experience a sense of well being after she saw my post about our 9 mile training run.

I felt warm and wonderful inside to be able to reflect on and share the journey with her.

It all began...well actually it was all set into motion through my pen, my divining rod for healing, as I imagined myself running unencumbered and reclaiming my life from a history of paralytic polio and trauma but it came into being beginning in January of this year when I first met Dr. Ryan aka Ryan J. Means, DC - a chiropractor who asked me why I was setting limits on how far I was going to run. As he used kinesiotaping, spinal adjustments and Graston technique, he was encouraging my body to fully heal and re-ignited the flame of endurance running within me. I read, "You Are the Placebo," by Dr. Joe Dispenza and could feel transformation happening within me. I went on to read Candace Pert's book, 'Everything You Need to Know To Feel Go(o)d" and watched "What the Bleep Do We Know..." and "Down The Rabbit Hole."

Yes everything is possible as I knew when I took on the running of the 2009 Boston Marathon never having run a day in my life.

Team McManus has decided that half marathons are just right for us.

It's still going the distance ... and it's so much farther than I imagined one year ago at this time.

And so here I am counting down to the Bermuda Half Marathon and adding up the miles feeling incredibly grateful and blessed.

Going the Distance: My Left Leg - I AM The Placebo

After a week of intense training, I was sore yesterday. My left knee was a little swollen. My first thought was, "Oh I wish Dr. Ryan were here to tape my knee again." He is a chiropractor in China now. But then I remembered what I read in Dr. Joe Dispenza's book, "You Are the Placebo," a book Dr. Ryan recommended to me. I have the power to change my body through thoughts alone. I've done it so many many times throughout my life and most recently during these past 8 years after being told I "had" "post polio syndrome," a progressive neuromuscular disease. Dr. Bernie Siegel was the first one to help me harness the power of my mind and Love to heal back in the 1980's.

Before I started reading "You Are the Placebo, Dr. Ryan sent me an email with an image from this page from the book that says, "Changing the body by thought alone" with an explanation of how thoughts create a new body:



I have it on our refrigerator with a magnet that says "We Can Do It!"

So I elevated my legs, iced and visualized while also remembering the rigors of this week's training.

The body achieves what the mind believes and so rather than remembering how I have felt in the past, I am creating a new present and a new future. It's a gift I am giving to myself.

I allow the pain from the past to surface and move through bringing new clear energy to flow and remove the blocked energy from polio, rape and surgeries. I remind myself that the only soreness I need to experience is that which comes with training for a marathon. I deserve this now. I am rewiring my brain from one who experienced unrelenting violence, intimidation and humiliation to claiming my birth right as a beautiful, free, intelligent, insanely talented and determined woman.

I no longer need to carry the burdens of the past with me. I am developing a new relationship with my left leg. It is healed!

This morning my knee hurt and so I went into my morning meditation. I could feel the energy flow and I could feel my left leg release. I remembered the treatments from Dr. Ryan and how the taping stimulated the flow of energy and I used my mind to re-experience those wonderful experiences.

I cry from the depths of my soul as I write this saying goodbye to all that went before. I feel the stirrings deep in my soul that I create a new left leg and a new me.

It's been an amazing week of training. 7.5 sweet savory miles, Hill Training and maintaining cross training in the pool and strength training on land.

And you know what? I can have total confidence that me and my left leg and all of me is going the distance. I am the placebo! Total healing is mine. Say hello to the new me! I feel great in my own skin shedding the skin of my past. I affirm that I am healthy, whole, and strong.

My Running Chronicles: Transformation - "Thinking and acting greater than the circumstances in our lives"

Dr. Joe Dispenza was critically injured in an accident during the bike portion of a triathlon and fractured several vertebrae in his back. He was told that he needed surgery to have a metal rod put in his back and was given a guarded prognosis about being able to walk again even with surgery. Without surgery, paralysis was certain. He chose to heal without surgery.

From You Are the Placebo, xvii, "Maybe I was just young and bold at that time in my life, but I decided against the medical model and the expert recommendations. I believe that there's an intelligence, an invisible consciousness, within each of us that's the giver of life. It supports, maintains, protects and heals us every moment. ... I reasoned at the time that if this intelligence was real and if it willfully, mindfully and lovingly demonstrated such amazing abilities, maybe I could take my attention off of my external world and begin to go within and connect with it-developing a relationship with it."

And so at the age of 23, an "accident" was the beginning of Dr. Joe Dispenza's path to do research and help others to heal and transform from the inside out.



I was familiar with our abilities to heal ourselves from the inside out and thinking and acting greater than the circumstances of our lives when I started writing poetry 8 1/2 years ago. Despite all outward conditions and never having run a day in my life, I went on to run the 2009 Boston Marathon shortly after coming out of a leg brace and being told I should prepare myself to be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life.

It's been an incredible journey!

With any journey there were many triumphs and a lot of trials, tribulations and setbacks.

After reading You Are The Placebo, partnering with Dr. Ryan and dedicating myself heart and soul to this journey, I feel that I have traction in my healing that manifested in Wednesday evening's training run.

I visualized a 46:52 and watch Billy Mills' video over and over and over again.



I had to beat my time by two minutes from what I was running in training runs.

Last weekend we went to a wedding reception where runners and fast runners were in attendance. I found myself sharing my story with a couple that Tom had met while I was talking with the father of the groom. He told me I had to meet them. We were talking about my journey and the words my goal is to somehow run a 12:00 minute/mile pace fell out of my mouth. When I was training for Boston I ran an 11:00 minute/mile pace pushing myself during training runs. In the 2008 Tufts 10K I found myself "Running with God" and coming to the finish line four minutes under what I had visualized for the race that day with a sub 14:00 minute/mile pace.

Since the Finish at the 50 is an evening race, I knew that Tom and I would need to get in evening runs so I could plan fueling for the day and let go of my fear and perception that I am fatigued by the end of the day. The journey of transformation can be distilled to love becoming greater than fear; being an ambitious god and tapping into that delicious Divinity within thinking and acting greater than the circumstances in our lives.

I had an early morning dream about the trauma I experienced as a child and was able to create a very different outcome from the one I actually experienced in the dream. Instead of waking up feeling terror and being in a cold sweat, I felt strong. Every day in every way my body is changing biologically and neurologically from the one that was created out of those horrific circumstances.

Late afternoon, I experienced fatigue and nausea and decided to meditate for a half hour before meeting Tom to go on our run. I settled into a deep meditation and visualized 46:00 minutes as my goal for Finish at the 50 even though a time of 46:52 would be a PR over my Bill Rodgers 5K time last year. I surrendered to the magic and the mystery of the Universe allowing for complete healing of body and mind. There were moments of the old self wanting to assert her opinion into running and setting these goals for myself but I wouldn't let those thoughts take root. I offered her compassion, kindness, tenderness and love but told her she would no longer be in control. I tapped into Oneness, wholeness, images of Forrest Gump and Wilma Rudolph and embracing and embodying myself as a runner who runs swiftly.

I exerted a lot of effort in our run but I wasn't struggling. I was training my mind and body in this new state of being.

First mile we ran a 15'59" pace as we warmed up. I ran with God from the inside out feeling connected to something Divine within me. I threw it out to the Universe that I wanted to see 46:00 minutes when we finished our training run. I would not do a time check. Because I set my Nike+ for distance, I was able to find out when we were at 1 mile for a water stop. After the first water stop, I went back inside of myself and ran from the inside out. I ran hard but without struggle.

"Tom, it's time for another water stop. We're at mile 2." We were both amazed and knew we had done an amazing pace but didn't know how amazing until after it was all over. I ran mile 2 at a 12'40" minute/mile pace. Don't ask me how and that's what's so wonderful and amazing about this journey. It wasn't something I did on my own. I tapped into something beyond myself yet something that is right here inside of myself. I did have to pause and walk briefly between mile 2 and 3 to get my breath back and to find my running rhythm.

".1 mile to go," the Nike+ voice cued me and I took off in a sprint. "Hey where are you going?" Tom asked me. "We have .1 mile to go...we are coming to the finish line."

We visualized our friends Reno and Susan cheering for us and coming onto the field to run us in. I saw the finisher's clock at 46:00 minutes and I cried as though it were race day feeling how I will feel the moment I cross that finish line. Hugs and congratulations all around just like Ms. Nike+ said, "Congratulations. You completed your goal of 3.11 miles."

I was excited to see my time...had I hit 46:00 - um actually not -- It was 45:04 - a 14'30" average pace!

I can move forward from here feeling the joy in this journey and falling in love with the creative process.

I was nauseous and had a headache; nothing that more hydration and crackers wouldn't take care of and a good dinner after an ice bath to rejuvenate my legs.

I was born to run and I love to run and I love to challenge myself as a runner. Running is my medicine and my therapy. I could feel new neuromuscular connections happening during Wednesday night's training run on my left side. I could feel the past being erased from my mind and body so I can be someone new filled with joy, vitality and vibrancy, health and well being and wholeness.



I experienced a miraculous transformation in Wednesday night's training run and will continue to focus and set my sights on running swift, running hard yet running without struggle unencumbered by the circumstances of my past.

Miracles happen when we think and act greater than the circumstances in our lives.



Cheers! To Life! Love yourself well!

I chronicle the first 7 years of my healing journey after being diagnosed with post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease as a survivor of childhood paralytic polio and 9 years of childhood domestic violence in Coming Home:A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility.


In Journey Well, the journey continues in the wake of my nephew's suicide on 3/4/11 and the events of 4/15/13. Through my journey of healing and transformation, we learn that no matter what life circumstances happen to us, we can always find a way to journey well.


50% of book proceeds from all of my books, available on Amazon are donated to the Arredondo Family Foundation whose mission is to provide a helping hand to those experiencing a tragedy and to provide education on matters relating to military, veterans, military families, and the issue of suicide.

I am working on my new book, Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems which brings together my best poems of the last 8 years and will include my latest poems as I continue to feel the heal and move forward in my life.

My Running Chronicles: 15 is the New 16

When we last left this intrepid runner, I was following the advice of Billy Mills and I finally broke that 16 min/mile pace on my training run. Last Saturday, Tom and I set out to do our 4 miler. We knew we needed to incorporate hills and a lot of tough hills because two weeks from this Friday, I will be toeing the starting line of the Harvard Pilgrim Finish at the 50 and I've got my sights set on a time of 46:52 or better. So I have the course map with my time written on it on our refrigerator:



You see dear readers, I am no longer running as a survivor of paralytic polio and violence -- I am running because as I recently said in this blog, I was born to run and born to run free. It's just there was a little interruption of oh 5 decades or so that was a hurdle I needed to get over. When I told my muscular therapist who is partnering with me on this next phase of my journey that I am no longer running as a survivor of paralytic polio and violence but as the runner I was always meant to be and that I want to run fast, he commented, "Ah to be swift of foot - like the god Mercury."



What a wonderful image. Coincidentally Mercury and Mercury's Greek counterpart Hermes are both patrons of poets!

Paralytic polio initially took me out of the athletic realm and I didn't have a chance to get back in the game because I was fighting for my survival every night and on weekends with my wildly dysfunctional family.

But now I am fired up and fierce with determination to allow the runner within to fully take form and emerge from the gunk of my past.

Why you may ask ... why is she so obsessed with running and being her personal best? What is she trying to prove and at close to 62 years old - really?

Yes really -- and in truth I have nothing to prove yet I have everything to prove to myself.



During Saturday's training run with Tom and God bless him for running with me rather than doing a brisk walking pace because it is helping my journey of transformation (and more about mirror neurons in another post), we talked about how we were no longer going to live in fear. It's important to be mindful and run from the inside out as I like to call it, but we can no longer behave as though my body is going to get injured or break down again.

Those days are over!!!

I am healing and "every day in every way I am getting better and better" (as Dr. Emile Coue so eloquently stated it).

I have new mantras:
Trust don't test and see if in fact that left knee has full range of motion or that the right IT band discomfort is gone. Just trust and act as if it has already manifested in reality.
Feel the joy in the challenge rather than experiencing a sense of struggle and overcoming. It's a whole new ball game now and as race director Dave McGillvray loves to say, "My game. My rules." Coincidentally he is the race director for the Finish at the 50. He wrote in my book, "The Last Pick," "Set goals not limits."
Focus on the healing not on the wound.
Feel the heal.
Focus on the wave not on the particle.
Love is stronger than fear.
I am an ambitious god.

Tom and I had an amazing run together. I once again ran a sub 16 minute/mile pace and my pace at the 5K mark puts me well within striking distance of my PR for race day.

As I climbed into a post training run ice bath, I had a moment of pause as living in my polio/trauma/injured body briefly surfaced. How can I get in and out of the tub? "Oh yeah," I reminded myself, "I am strong and can do squats and besides we do have a railing in the tub but I am flexible and I move with ease and grace." (more mantras)

The ice bath felt amazing.

And after the ice bath I had this epiphany bathe every cell in my body. I am no longer a victim to my body. From the time I was 5 years old I lived in fear of my body and then I lived in fear of what others would do to my body but NO MORE! Those days are over. I can have my mind and body work together and my mind heals my body. I can love myself well and allow love to be so much stronger than fear.

Today I did cross training in the pool at WaveHealth where I use that time and space for moving meditation and healing as well as gaining strength washing away all the old beliefs.

Two weeks from Friday I'll be testing myself for the first time since last October when I PR'ed the Tufts 10K.

I'll be channeling my inner Wilma Rudolph, Forrest Gump, Seabiscuit, Billy Mills and embody Mercury and Hermes with winged feet to have a phenomenal race day.

15 is the new 16 and I'm going to keep moving forward with my training embodying and embracing the runner I was always meant to be.

Feel the Heal

The Potter’s wheel with loving hands a figure forms brave and true
breaking mold cast by others, Triumphant Spirit shining through.
In likeness of Divine’s image, all excess baggage gently melts away
unbridled freedom, joy fired up whole without fringe or fray.
Rhythmic turnings ever so slowly, tender kindness she feels the heal
Potter pauses work now finished, she leaps from Potter’s wheel.
Color and shape beyond compare magnificent in radiant sun
going the distance helps others to heal fueling her 26.2 mile run.
Transcending transforming no pain can last,
grit and gratitude fill heart and soul
leave doubts and fears in dust of memories past
sights set clearly on finish line goal.
In the distance the Potter’s cheering
that Voice so clear rises above the din
she feels in every fiber of her Being this race is hers to win.
Pacing, persistent and patient in each moment she feels the heal
reminded of her humble true beginnings
blessed by grace on Potter’s wheel.





I chronicle the first 7 years of my healing journey after being diagnosed with post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease as a survivor of childhood paralytic polio and 9 years of childhood domestic violence in Coming Home:A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility.


In Journey Well, the journey continues in the wake of my nephew's suicide on 3/4/11 and the events of 4/15/13. Through my journey of healing and transformation, we learn that no matter what life circumstances happen to us, we can always find a way to journey well.


50% of book proceeds from all of my books, available on Amazon are donated to the Arredondo Family Foundation whose mission is to provide a helping hand to those experiencing a tragedy and to provide education on matters relating to military, veterans, military families, and the issue of suicide.

I am working on my new book, Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems which brings togeth

Why Wait?

In What the Bleep: Down the Rabbit Hole , Dr. Joe Dispenza asks the question, "Why wait?" He goes on to talk about how people seem to need to wait for a crisis in order to awaken to the possibilities for a wonderful life.

I know I sure did as I wrote about in yesterday's blog post.

I resurrected two poems from June 2007 from New World Greetings:Inspirational Poetry and Musings for a New World:

The Gift of Polio
Thank you God for the gift of polio that brought me so close to you
while paralyzed I saw your face no matter what I’d do.
Many wonderful healers you sent them to me at age 5
perseverance and triumph life’s lessons learned
but my Spirit could not yet thrive.
At age 53 the gift was sent to me a second time
having time to sit and feel to heal I started to rhyme.
The second time more worse than the first yet your love and wisdom I found
from pain and weakness and fatigue a remarkable spirit rebound.
Reliving all the trauma of special shoes and such
I discovered remarkable healers who brought a loving touch.
I had no clue I had such strength and the ability to grow
no matter what the outcome deep gratitude I show.
And from that place so dark and deep my body could not move
I took the reins took charge of my life this time with nothing to prove.
This gift so precious I live a new life gratitude flows from me
my heart and soul are filled with grace and each day’s a gift from thee.


A Date With Destiny

Don’t wait til you die to let your soul fly free
please listen and hear what happened to me.
My body was broken every imaginable place
yet to the world I always wore a smile on my face.
My soul trapped inside feeling it was broken too
God brought me out of darkness my light I shine on you.
She showed me the way through people I met
it took awhile a message hard to get.
The kingdom of heaven is right inside me
take the leap of faith fulfill your destiny.
While I did my soul work and let my soul fly free
my body transformed changes did I see.
My head now aligned the tremor no more
my body aligned such strength in my core.
When once head detached from my heart and my soul
they all work together amazingly whole.
The rules that I live by are only my own
to find strength and courage my how I’m soaring I've flown.
I followed my heart to create my bliss
to spread God’s word no greater joy than this.
Take the leap of faith into grace I can fall
but I’m floating on air answering God’s call.
Don't wait til you die to let your soul fly free
there’s no reason to live a life in misery.
Follow your passions and I will tell you this
the body falls away healed when you follow your bliss.

I can only imagine what would have happened if I could have practiced gratitude, forgiveness, and meditation and found a way to either better manage the stress of my job or find the courage to leave before becoming gravely ill; if I could have found balance and allowed my creativity to flow and to find paths for healing for trauma. But that is the irony of experiencing trauma, it is hard to break the cycle of addiction to the chemicals produced in the stress response.

But there is no reason to wait before a life spins hopelessly out of control. There are so many wonderful resources and healers available to help.

I recently added a Resources page to my website which I will also share with you here:

When I experienced an infection that resulted in loss of use of my right arm for 6 months, my earth angel of a nurse brought me a cassette recording of Bernie Siegel, MD's, Love Medicine and Miracles. I partnered with Bernie since the 1980's as my "chosen dad" and "coach" to help me heal. He has many wonderful books and meditation CD's. Visit his website and see his healing offerings. His son is carrying on the family tradition of healing with Wisdom of the Ages.

Dr. Joe Dispenza, NY Times Bestselling author of "You Are the Placebo" conducting healing workshops and has a You Tube Channel to bring healing to the collective consciousness.


Tara Brach, NY Times Bestselling Author of True Refuge, is a leading western teacher of Buddhist meditation, emotional healing and spiritual awakening.Her offerings on line and at retreats brings compassion, tenderness, awakening and how we can find our true refuge within us through meditation and finding our sangha, our community that supports, nourishes and sustains us.

Two movies that will take you into the world of quantum physics and expand your view of your life and the world are What the bleep do we know and Down the Rabbit Hole.

So why wait? Start today practicing gratitude and exploring a world beyond what your eyes can see connecting to something greater than yourself to create a life overflowing with joy, happiness, peace, comfort, vitality and vibrancy. Don't wait for the crisis to live the life you were always meant to live!

Wishing you well on your journey!



Cheers! To life! Love yourself well!

I chronicle the first 7 years of my healing journey after being diagnosed with post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease as a survivor of childhood paralytic polio and 9 years of childhood domestic violence in Coming Home:A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility.


I am working on my new book, Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems which brings together my best poems of the last 8 years and will include my latest poems as I continue to feel the heal and move forward in my life.

Pure Imagination, Hope and Faith

Eight years ago, as I was preparing to leave the VA to heal my life, I did a 30 day journal on yellow legal paper (as though I were drafting a contract with myself) visualizing what life would be like for me in the future. I recycled it several years ago. I do smile when I think about some of the things I put down like being on Oprah and being a NY Times Bestselling Author (do not count out the latter one just yet) but one of the things that I included in my journal was going to work out every day at a health club. Seeing myself as healthy, vibrant, vital and whole, bringing an inspirational message to the world was the intention behind all that I imagined.

One of the ways I survived my chaotic and violent childhood and adolescence was to harness the power of my imagination. I held onto hope and faith that somehow somewhere there was a better life for me if I could just make it through.

When I ran 9 races in 9 months last year with two PR's, I harnessed the power of my imagination and the strength and will in my soul to make them happen.

My knee injury in December was a blessing and a wake up call for cross training and to make changes to allow more healing to happen. I was briefly drawn back into the medical model but quickly moved on to make sure that my intentions for total healing were aligned with what I was doing in my environment.

I'm training for another marathon!

First up is a 5K race on 7/3. I'm visualizing a great time (and yes I mean that literally and metaphorically) but I will run from the inside out seeing what I can accomplish on race day.

During my meditations, I imagine myself as though paralytic polio and violence never happened to me. What does that feel like? How does that look? I don't look in the mirror and say oh the tremors are still there; I see myself with my third eye without any tremors. I embrace experiencing my strong, steady hands and energy flowing from my back all the way down my arms without interruption. I smile. I feel the back of my cervical spine open as though I am opening a window and allowing fresh air to come in to allow spinal fluid and energy to flow. I am training myself to focus on the healing not on the wound.

I remind myself that I am already where I want to be and feel the joy of being without tremors, of having boundless energy, of feeling overflowing gratitude in my heart for these amazing outcomes that I see in my mind's eye that allows the physical transformation to follow.

And it works. Every time. With patience, practice, persistence, pacing, hope and faith.

If I would have imagined that going into the ocean yesterday would have been a bone chilling unpleasant experience, that's what would have happened but instead I knew that the cold icy salt water of the Atlantic Ocean would feel amazing after my 4 mile run. I now incorporate how I felt during and after going in the ocean into my meditation. I can feel how the swirling waters break up the scar tissue of 5 surgeries in my left leg and feel full range of motion return.

I recount the experiences where I have harnessed the power of my mind to heal. I had a wound on my nose that had not completely healed for several years. I finally decided to do something about it. I imagined it looking exactly the same as the other side of my nose. I hd total trust and faith that despite all appearances it was healed. Today there is only a small scar and it is indeed completely healed! I dissolved a tumor in my left breast and healed degenerative cervical spine disease including dissolving bone spurs and relieving a disc pressing on a nerve.

I have made up my mind that I deserve total healing. I feel love and compassion for myself knowing in every fiber of my being I never deserved what happened to me; that every child's birth right is to be in a safe, happy, warm and loving and laughing home learning how to manage struggles and challenges that come along. It is my birthright and I am now claiming that birthright to feel safe, happy, free, healthy, vibrant, vital and whole. It's wonderful to keep adding to my healing journal chronicling the miracles. Reading "You Are The Placebo" and having only those people who totally believe in me and the limitless possibilities for healing supports me in this process.

And the Universe echoes back a beautiful response to my song providing me with everything I need for total healing.



Be blessed! Journey well! To all good things...

My latest book, "Journey Well" is now available on Amazon along with all of my inspirational books. 50% of book proceeds are donated to the Massachusetts Resiliency Center, a safe, welcoming space for survivors of the Boston Marathon bombing to heal and stay in touch with one another; a virtual hub for a widely dispersed community whose lives have been impacted by the tragic events of April 15th and the events that followed.

When terror struck the world's oldest and most beloved marathon on April 15, 2013, it was a defining moment in Mary McManus’ life and the lives of all those in Boston and around the world. It was her wake up call to return to the sport and community that have been medicine and a lifeline for her throughout her marathon of healing the late effects of paralytic polio and experiencing 9 years of domestic violence as a child and adolescent. Mary captures the essence of Boston Strong through her experience of the 2014 Boston Marathon and as she profiles the people who are Boston Stronger. Through her blog posts, poems and journal entries woven together with excerpts from her memoir, “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility,” you will experience, through one woman’s journey of transformation and healing, that no matter what happens to us, we can all learn to journey well.

The Energy of Gratitude

In reading, "You Are The Placebo" by Dr. Joe Dispenza and listening to an NPR interview with Mitchell May, the themes of gratitude emerged. They talk about the energy of gratitude and how that energy can be harnessed for healing.

From "You Are The Placebo", p. 135:
"On the other hand, emotions like gratitude and appreciation open your heart and lift the energy in your body to a new place - out of the lower hormonal centers. Gratitude is one of the most powerful emotions for increasing your level of suggestibility. It teaches your body emotionally that the event you're grateful for has already happened because we usually give thanks after a desirable event has occurred.
If you bring up the emotion of gratitude before the actual event, your body (as the unconscious mind) will begin to believe that the future event has already happened - or it is happening to you in the present moment. Gratitude, therefore is the ultimate state of receivership."

Dispenza goes on to list the elevated emotions that move us out of a survival mode to creative emotions:
Gratitude
Love
Joy
Inspiration
Peace
Wholeness
Trust
Knowingness
Presence
Empowerment

These are the emotions that fuel us and propel us forward in our life's journey, our life's work.

Mitchell May offers that when one offers gratitude, whether to nature or another person, we are healed in so many ways and life responds. We become open to what is possible. May is quick to point out that we don't know the future and don't know what the outcome of any healing might be but suggests that we stay open to possibility and allow our bodies the freedom to allow the creative adaptations to occur.

For decades I lived in survival mode that got jump started when I contracted paralytic polio at the age of 5. I had to fight for my life and I had to fight to learn how to walk again. From the age of 8 years old until I was 17 years old, I lived in the battlefield of an alcoholic father, a drug addicted mother and a psychotic grandmother but I always held onto hope and was blessed with angels seen and unseen to see me through.

In December 2006, survival mode no longer worked for me and as my body shut down, my Spirit and my heart could open and breathe. The first thing I learned from Dr. Bernie Siegel was the importance of gratitude; being thankful for all that happened to me and for me and to find the blessings and the gifts wrapped up inside the challenges. A wellspring of poetry poured forth bypassing all of the appearances of being in a leg brace, using a wheelchair at times for mobility and facing a scary and uncertain future according to the Western medicine physicians and therapists. I gave thanks for the healing that I believed in every fiber of my being was happening within me. I visualized and meditated on the outcome I wanted and felt my heart open and my Spirit blossom as I realized that I am free. I couldn't choose what happened to me but I am certainly free to choose my response to what happened to me.

Recently, the tapestry of my life has become even more vibrant and beautiful overflowing with people I never would have met had I not lived through each and every one of my experiences. With at least a daily and often times more than daily practice of gratitude, allowing the energy of gratitude to flow through me for the blessings and opportunities that have sprung forth out of all of my trials and tribulations, I continue to heal on deeper and deeper levels.

The last four lines of "Running the Race," the poem I wrote in February of 2007 as I sat in a leg brace, using a wheelchair at times for mobility and not knowing what my future held...if I had a future ... were:
I'm now off the sidelines, no need to sit and whine
so much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine.
After all these years I can join the loving human race
I exceed all expectations and now I set the pace.

The energy of gratitude ... we are healed in so many ways ... and life responds!

Be blessed. Journey well. To all good things....

My latest book, "Journey Well" is now available on Amazon along with all of my inspirational books. 50% of book proceeds are donated to the Massachusetts Resiliency Center, a safe, welcoming space for survivors of the Boston Marathon bombing to heal and stay in touch with one another; a virtual hub for a widely dispersed community whose lives have been impacted by the tragic events of April 15th and the events that followed.

When terror struck the world's oldest and most beloved marathon on April 15, 2013, it was a defining moment in Mary McManus’ life and the lives of all those in Boston and around the world. It was her wake up call to return to the sport and community that have been medicine and a lifeline for her throughout her marathon of healing the late effects of paralytic polio and experiencing 9 years of domestic violence as a child and adolescent. Mary captures the essence of Boston Strong through her experience of the 2014 Boston Marathon and as she profiles the people who are Boston Stronger. Through her blog posts, poems and journal entries woven together with excerpts from her memoir, “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility,” you will experience, through one woman’s journey of transformation and healing, that no matter what happens to us, we can all learn to journey well.

Why set limits? Only take yes for an answer!

Last year at the L Street Pre-Marathon meeting, I was blessed to meet Dave McGillivray. I brought my copy of The Last Pick for him to sign and he wrote, "Set goals not limits." At the time, I didn't know that Dave had a thing about autographs but he was gracious to sign my book for me. Dave is one of the people I feature who are Boston Stronger in Journey Well.

The first time I met Dave McGillivray was at the mobility-impaired start of the 2009 Boston Marathon. He told us that he would be giving us an oral command - Runners take your mark, get set, go. He put his hand down much as they do to signal the start of a lap at a car race. I was star struck to be standing next to the race director for the Boston Marathon and having him give us the start of our 2009 Boston Marathon run. It didn't matter that there was an entire race to orchestrate and command. He was totally focused and present in that moment. We were all that mattered to him.

And that's who Dave McGillivray is...I have seen him in passing in his role as race director and admire his ability to put on his game face and get the job done. The 2013 BAA 10K was a daunting event to put on I'm sure, yet he made sure that Boston moved forward as a running community.

Dave spoke at the L Street Running Club pre-Marathon meeting. He shared with us his health challenge of the last year when he was diagnosed with severe blockages in his heart. "I got myself into this mess," were his thoughts after his cardiac catheterization, "and I'm gonna get myself out." He explained the difference between being fit and being healthy. He shared with us the view of last year's events through his eyes but he wouldn't dwell there. He looked ahead to the weekend and Marathon Monday. "This is our race," he told our Club. He stood on the side after his talk. I went over to him and quietly stood next to him for a few moments until there was a lull between speakers. I had a copy of his book "The Last Pick" and asked him if he would sign it. I told him I ran the 2009 Boston Marathon as a mobility impaired runner.

"You did?" he said. "Good for you." He signed my book, "Set goals, not limits."


In Friday's KT taping session with Dr. Ryan of Elevate Health Cambridge, I told him that I was so happy to be working my way back to a 5K and I would cap off my distance at 5 miles for the Ogunquit Beach Lobster Dash.

Without missing a beat, as Dr. Ryan did Graston Technique on my feet to help move me out of old patterns and allow my body to find its way to its natural state of wellness and goodness he said, "Why set limits?"

We are each reading "You Are The Placebo" by Dr. Joe Dispenza.

It seems that I need to keep reminding myself over and over and over again about my body's tremendous capacity for healing. I shared with Dr. Ryan that on MRI, the polio virus took out the medial gastroc muscle on my left calf and that I was working on visualizing a new one. "If I could dissolve a breast tumor, why can't I grow a new gastroc right?" I shared the story of when in April of 2007, I had an abnormal mammogram and everyone told me what a wonderful oncology team was available to me at MGH Cancer Care Center. I was dealing with the diagnosis of post polio syndrome at the time and no way in hell was I going to throw breast cancer into the mix. So I spent the week before I had to return for my mammogram visualizing my left breast as having only healthy tissue and sending love and healing to my left breast. There is a strong family history of breast cancer and there was no way I was going to be next in line. When I went back, they took images every which way they could and it was gone.

Dr. Ryan suggested that we tape my gastroc because the KT tape can be used to decrease inflammation (and by the way the swelling is gone from my left knee using icing before and after exercise and with the taping for runs), to brace a joint and also to activate and stimulate the muscle. I title this picture, Mary Mary quite contrary how does your gastroc grow?



Contrary because I have "gone against" much of the advice I received from the medical community as a polio survivor which involved setting limits with the caveat, "If you use it, you will lose it."

As Dr. Ryan worked on my feet I said, "Wow." He asked me if the pressure was too much and I said, "Oh no. I just went to that place within me that ran the Boston Marathon." I told him there is nothing in the world like training for and running a marathon. When I thought about it I felt exhilarated and then had a moment of "I can't run another marathon." I realized that I was remembering running a marathon in my body as it was then not the body I am today and certainly not the body that keeps changing, evolving, getting stronger and healing all that went before; the body that has infinite possibilities.

Who would have ever thought I could get up off of the toilet seat without holding on? Oh and that comment I made in the blog about if it doesn't happen on a particular day .... forget that ... why set limits? I keep practicing and I only take yes for an answer using Henry Ford's quote as my guide:


Journey well!

My latest book, "Journey Well" is now available on Amazon along with all of my inspirational books. 50% of book proceeds are donated to the Massachusetts Resiliency Center, a safe, welcoming space for survivors of the Boston Marathon bombing to heal and stay in touch with one another; a virtual hub for a widely dispersed community whose lives have been impacted by the tragic events of April 15th and the events that followed.

When terror struck the world's oldest and most beloved marathon on April 15, 2013, it was a defining moment in Mary McManus’ life and the lives of all those in Boston and around the world. It was her wake up call to return to the sport and community that have been medicine and a lifeline for her throughout her marathon of healing the late effects of paralytic polio and experiencing 9 years of domestic violence as a child and adolescent. Mary captures the essence of Boston Strong through her experience of the 2014 Boston Marathon and as she profiles the people who are Boston Stronger. Through her blog posts, poems and journal entries woven together with excerpts from her memoir, “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility,” you will experience, through one woman’s journey of transformation and healing, that no matter what happens to us, we can all learn to journey well.