I AM the Placebo: An 11 Mile Run - I'm Ready for Bermuda

As I was recovering from a knee injury one year ago this month, Dr. Ryan J. Means, a chiropractor told me I HAD to read, "You Are the Placebo," by Dr. Joe Dispenza.



While I was waiting for my copy to arrive, Dr. Ryan sent me an email with the image for Changing Your Body by Thoughts Alone. I have it up on my fridge:



Dr. Ryan helped me to get back on the road again and asked me why are you settling limits? I felt the stirrings within me, despite all appearances to the contrary, that I needed to go the distance again.

What were the chances that I'd meet someone who believed as I believed in the power we all have within us to "go down the rabbit hole" and bring into physical reality what is our heart's desire as we align with the Force within us. Obviously 100% because it happened.

When I trained for the 2009 Boston Marathon I experienced phantom pains from polio and from reconstructive leg surgery on my left leg. I would meditate and visualize and work through them as best I could. It was an incredibly rough road but one that ended with crossing the finish line on April 20,2009. I believed with every fiber of my being that I was going to run and finish the Boston Marathon. And so it was....

After my nephew's suicide in 2011, I lost a lot of traction on my healing journey and went from a place of creation to a place of reaction. But it was all a part of the journey and I wouldn't or couldn't trade any of it for the world. I learned so much along the way.

This morning when I got out of bed, I experienced nerve pain in my left foot. My first response was, "Hmmm now that's interesting." I could feel polio memories surface. After rolling out the foot with a ball and doing self massage I decided to do an exercise that Dr. Joe shares that stroke survivors who had a paralyzed arm used.

I sat down on the floor with my legs stretched out before me. I separated the toes on my right foot and told my left foot to observe what it was doing. I'd focus on the straightness of my big toe on my right foot and separate the toes and then mimic the movements with my left foot. Of course it was very limited but no matter. I used this same technique to grow a new gastroc muscle. I started out imagining being able to go up and down on my left toes doing a gastroc strengthening exercise. Eventually, I was able to go up and down and my gastroc muscle has grown back despite what it showed on MRI last year and being told it is impossible to grow a new muscle. Well I'm here to tell you - everything is possible.

After a few minutes of talking to my left foot and icing and rolling it out again, we headed out for our 11 mile run in glorious sunshine. What a blessing for December 5th!

At one point during the run I felt a sharp nerve pain go through my foot. "Oh my God this is so exciting," I thought to myself. "My nerves are reconnecting to my muscles!"
I focused on the wave instead of the particle as Dr. Joe talks about; rather than thinking oh my goodness we only have 3 weeks more of training and then do taper and I've got a neuroma or plantar fascitis....I said to myself everything is fine. I am in the flow and I know that I AM going the distance of 13.1 miles on January 17th.

I enjoyed the beautiful sun sparkling on the Reservoir. I enjoyed my unplugged time of wonderful conversation with my bestie Tom and imagining how it was going to feel in Bermuda.

All of a sudden I realized the pain was gone! I was sore and my muscles were tired by the end of the run but you'd never know that I had an MRI that showed bone spurs, degenerative changes from osteoarthritis, a lipoma, scar tissue and surgical changes, an atrophied gastroc muscle, and a few other pathological findings in my left knee. You'd certainly not know that several years ago I experienced cervical spine pain with it radiating down my arm and had to go for injections every six months. You would never know that I am a survivor of paralytic polio and 9 years of domestic childhood violence, two family suicides and 9 years ago was told to prepare to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair having been diagnosed with post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease.

You know why? Because I AM the placebo and was blessed to find my way to healers to partner with me to unleash the body's natural capacity to heal and to find my way to teachers and healers to turbocharge my healing process.

Today I ran 11 miles - more miles than I have run since 2009!

Today was a gift and it always feels like Christmas morning when I can get up and go on a long run especially in perfect running conditions.

After today's run I can say with absolute certainty, I am ready for Bermuda!

Going the Distance: My Left Leg - I AM The Placebo

After a week of intense training, I was sore yesterday. My left knee was a little swollen. My first thought was, "Oh I wish Dr. Ryan were here to tape my knee again." He is a chiropractor in China now. But then I remembered what I read in Dr. Joe Dispenza's book, "You Are the Placebo," a book Dr. Ryan recommended to me. I have the power to change my body through thoughts alone. I've done it so many many times throughout my life and most recently during these past 8 years after being told I "had" "post polio syndrome," a progressive neuromuscular disease. Dr. Bernie Siegel was the first one to help me harness the power of my mind and Love to heal back in the 1980's.

Before I started reading "You Are the Placebo, Dr. Ryan sent me an email with an image from this page from the book that says, "Changing the body by thought alone" with an explanation of how thoughts create a new body:



I have it on our refrigerator with a magnet that says "We Can Do It!"

So I elevated my legs, iced and visualized while also remembering the rigors of this week's training.

The body achieves what the mind believes and so rather than remembering how I have felt in the past, I am creating a new present and a new future. It's a gift I am giving to myself.

I allow the pain from the past to surface and move through bringing new clear energy to flow and remove the blocked energy from polio, rape and surgeries. I remind myself that the only soreness I need to experience is that which comes with training for a marathon. I deserve this now. I am rewiring my brain from one who experienced unrelenting violence, intimidation and humiliation to claiming my birth right as a beautiful, free, intelligent, insanely talented and determined woman.

I no longer need to carry the burdens of the past with me. I am developing a new relationship with my left leg. It is healed!

This morning my knee hurt and so I went into my morning meditation. I could feel the energy flow and I could feel my left leg release. I remembered the treatments from Dr. Ryan and how the taping stimulated the flow of energy and I used my mind to re-experience those wonderful experiences.

I cry from the depths of my soul as I write this saying goodbye to all that went before. I feel the stirrings deep in my soul that I create a new left leg and a new me.

It's been an amazing week of training. 7.5 sweet savory miles, Hill Training and maintaining cross training in the pool and strength training on land.

And you know what? I can have total confidence that me and my left leg and all of me is going the distance. I am the placebo! Total healing is mine. Say hello to the new me! I feel great in my own skin shedding the skin of my past. I affirm that I am healthy, whole, and strong.

The Power Within to Heal-Choosing Beliefs-Hurts So Good!

This morning on Facebook one of my friend's posted about a recent visit she had with her doctor telling her about what would happen if she continued her endurance running. It was not a pretty picture to say the least. She is going for a second opinion and plans to run her scheduled marathon on 5/24. She was told that what is happening in her hip can't be healed or repaired and was admonished that if she continued with impact sports it will progressively get worse over time so that it's painful even at rest.



I get it ... I understand the view of many doctors practicing traditional Western medicine. I appreciated the advice of the physician who cared for me at the Spaulding Rehab Framingham Outpatient Clinic at the International Rehab Center for Polio who told me that I needed to preserve the muscles and nerves that were compromised by the initial polio virus and so if I use it, I lose it.

After my recent knee injury (which turned out to be a wake up call and a blessing to improve my training plan), I returned to him to get an MRI and a referral for physical therapy. Initially, I was going to hang up my running shoes and enjoy the role of advisor and supporter of those younger runners or older runners who did not have as much happen to their bodies as I did (25 surgeries and 9 years of violence as a child). I needed the MRI so that I could get a picture - a literal picture - of what was going on in my knee that I needed to heal through cross training, visualization and the very best that complementary therapies have to offer.

I was blessed beyond words when my physical therapist was horrible which opened the door for me to find my way to Dr. Ryan J. Means, Elevate Health Cambridge who reminded me of my body's incredible capacity to heal. He inspired me with his energy and infectious passion to help his patients elevate their health regardless of age or circumstance. He does personal training and leads boot camp workouts. He talks the talk and walks the walk and shares stories of transformation and healing when the people he partners with are willing to put in the work which of course I am. I can feel the changes happening in my body.

On MRI, I did not have a gastroc muscle on my left leg. It atrophied from polio BUT with gastroc strengthening exercises and weekly taping of the gastroc plus my own visualization and meditation, I can feel the muscle fire which is taking stress off of the knee joint.

I had 5 surgeries on my left leg and cutting muscles and nerves (not to mention the emotional and spiritual toll of having an epidural and being totally aware of what was happening during the surgery) that took a toll. But just the other day I felt my quad muscle fire. I am experiencing pain in my left leg but it is a good pain - a pain of nerves coming back to life. An area that was once numb and deadened from so much scar tissue now has feeling.

And while at times I am afraid that is the pain of the "injury" and degenerative arthritis and all the rest, I honor that fear, quickly dismiss it and remind myself that I am rehabbing my left leg (really for the first time in my life) and I am healing.

I am reading "You Are The Placebo" by Dr. Joe Dispenza and can feel the placebo effect of reading this book. It is turbocharging my own desire and ability to heal; those emotions cascade into my cells and create the changes in my body.

I have Mitchell May's interview on youtube cued up for me to watch.

Mitchell May is a healer and a teacher whose gifts are recognized worldwide. Told he would never walk again, Mitchell’s miraculous healing from a near-fatal car accident over 35 years ago (in which he sustained over 40 fractures, severed nerves, bone loss and severe internal injuries) made medical history when he regenerated nerve, bone, muscle and organ tissue and fully healed his body.

With the assistance of UCLA Medical Center parapsychology researcher and healer Jack Gray, Mitchell undertook an intensive and extraordinary healing journey that forever changed the meaning and focus of his life. He became Gray’s sole apprentice for seven years, learning the art and spirit of nontraditional healing.

Mitchell has since helped thousands in realizing their innate healing potential and rejuvenating their life force. His work is so exceptional that it has been documented and studied by medical researchers and featured in documentaries and periodicals. Mitchell’s miraculous work and story serve as a message of hope, inspiration and empowerment to people all around the world — that healing exists within us all.

In October of 2007, after being discharged from Spaulding Rehab Outpatient care, I hired a personal trainer. I came to the realization that pain is a part of life and that since I was going to experience pain, I may as well experience pain on the side of healing and possibility; of movement and health and wellness. I couldn't even complete the initial assessment due to my weak and deconditioned state but little by little I got stronger and realized I was not destined for a life in a wheelchair. Excerpted from Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility):

Our first session after the assessment left me wondering, “What the hell did I do?” I was incredibly sore and couldn’t wait to get to into the pool at the Rosedon Hotel in Bermuda where we were going on my first I don’t have to go back to work ever vacation. While it all may sound incredibly liberating and wonderful, I was suffering in mind, body and Spirit. I was weak and deconditioned. I did not know it at the time but the unhealed trauma in my body and in my heart was draining my life force. I lived with chronic anxiety and a never-ending stream of mental chatter. But I was moving forward awkwardly finding my healing path.

Even though I received a message of caution from the post polio team about not overdoing it, something was literally and metaphorically burning inside of me. I knew that my body wanted and needed to do more.

After our session, I felt muscles I had no idea existed in my body. I remember barely being able to get up after our plane landed. Despite the pain, I knew that I was on the right path. I decided that if I were going to hurt, I may as well hurt on the side of getting healthy. I couldn’t listen to the admonishment of if you use it you will lose it. I had to believe in my body’s capacity for healing. I had to have faith. As I went through the rigors of personal training, there were moments of incredible doubt. During those times, Janine held enough faith for the two of us.

At my six-month evaluation in February, I had dramatically improved in every area of the assessment. I had come out of my leg brace and I knew that I was on a healing path. Janine asked me what my next health and fitness goals were.
“Well I want to feel free in my body. I want to dance. I want to be able to walk outside and feel unencumbered when I take a walk.”

Janine wrote feverishly and we worked out a plan. She gathered up her belongings and had her hand on the door knob.

“Wait. I have one more goal.”

Janine stopped and turned around.

“I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital. I know they have a Race for Rehab team and I want to do it next year.”

Janine was non-plussed. I don’t know what kept her from turning tail and getting as far away from me as she could. She came back into my house and put down her things. She said that the first thing I would need is a pair of running shoes. She told me that Marathon Sports on Beacon Street would be able to help me. She laid out a cursory training plan and said that we would begin indoors to build up my cardio endurance. As soon as the weather got a little warmer, we’d go outdoors and I would learn how to run.

I know that I have only begun to tap into my body's tremendous capacity for healing. I am blessed to partner with Dr. Ryan who believes in what I believe in; the body has the power to heal when we choose our beliefs wisely and surround ourselves with like hearted and like minded people feeding ourselves well mind, body and Spirit.

I choose love over fear. Living life to the full over caution. I choose hope and I embrace the pain because it all hurts so good!

Be blessed. To all good things....