Run Bermuda! Run Happy! It's a Sign! A Quarter and a Penny From Heaven!

When Team McManus trained for the 2009 Boston Marathon we were sent so many signs with finding money during our training. I was waiting for my daughter to get off the train at Cleveland Circle one day and walked back and forth to stretch my legs. On the wall of the Citi Bank branch there was a pile of change. There was no one around to ask if the money belonged to them. We had lunch and when we came out the money was still there so I brought it home. As we sorted the pennies, nickels and dimes, they sorted out according to the mileage for our upcoming training runs.

One of my favorite memories that is chronicled in my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility":

As we were heading out along Beacon Street here in Brookline, Mass., I saw a penny. Those of you who have read my blog know that we have had a lot of signs with finding money while we trained. There were a herd of runners behind us and I knew that if I stopped to pick this penny up, I could get trampled and then where would I be after a year of training and being on the threshold of running the Marathon. So I felt God's Presence and ran on. While on Heartbreak Hill, my daughter stopped in her tracks. Buried in the crack in the sidewalk on Heartbreak Hill, my daughter spotted a quarter - not just any quarter but a quarter dedicated to Helen Keller. Her quotes and life story have always been a major source of inspiration to me and Bernie Siegel, MD (who through the years has been a guiding healing light for me) has quoted her so many times in his talks, books and on his forum. During the last two miles of our training run, we found two more pennies - 27 cents! Not 26 but 27 so God is letting us know that we have what we need to go the distance....



My dear friend, healer and chosen dad Bernie Siegel, MD who was so supportive of my 2009 Boston Marathon run in the wake of the diagnosis of Post Polio Syndrome a progressive neuromuscular disease by Western Medicine Standards told me to look for the penny at the start....You'll know that I and God are with you! Well at a little past the halfway mark in Wellesley, I found "the penny!" It gave me that extra push to get through Heartbreak Hill and get to the finish line!

Last year I found a series of dimes.



FDR's image, the words Liberty and In God We Trust are on the dime; a reminder to trust in my healing journey and to stay focused on my freedom and liberation from the effects of paralytic polio and trauma. FDR's wife Eleanor Roosevelt's quotes are inspiring!



The other day our daughter Ruth Anne who ran the 2009 Boston Marathon with us, found a quarter. She knew that she needed to keep her eyes open for a penny...a sign that once again Team McManus would go the distance together. Even though we are running the Bermuda Half Marathon (notice I deliberately did not say "only" the half marathon), we were ecstatic when she did, indeed, find the penny!



This is the beginning of a new journey for Team McManus as we train for the Bermuda Half Marathon and travel together as a Team to that beautiful Island in January.

Tomorrow we run another 5.5 miles. We are slowly building our miles with patience, trust and faith. I can do a threepeat of the Bermuda Half Marathon even though I have never run 3 consecutive half marathons in my life! I draw strength and confidence from the signs that surround! We are once again being showered by Grace and abundance on our journey's way.

Go the distance with strength and courage!
~Mary

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


And my latest and greatest book - Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):

On Believing, Healing and Crushing Goals!

From January to late June, When I am not building miles for my annual Bermuda Half Marathon, I increase my work in cross training and strength training.

After working out on the Arc Trainer for a year, I decided it was time to set new goals. First, I increased the settings and worked at that level for 20 minutes for awhile. Then I decided I want to set a distance goal based on what/how I was doing and decided I'd go for .9 mile however long it took me. The next goal was to see if I could hit .9 mile within the 20 minute time limit. Oooh I came so close for the past several weeks.

We begin to increase mileage on the road to the Bermuda Half Marathon on Saturday so I knew I had one more opportunity to really open it up and see if I could crush that goal.

As you read this, kindly remember that 10 years ago I was told I 'had' 'Post-Polio Syndrome' - a progressive neuromuscular disease. I should prepare to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair.

In December of 2014, I was told that I should not run, could not run and would not run any distance more than a 5K - well maybe a 5 miler at most and should prepare to have a total knee replacement in a couple of years. That was based on an MRI of my left knee and leg - the leg more severely affected by paralytic polio that revealed a whole host of findings including degenerative joint changes, a fatty lipoma, torn miniscus, atrophied gastroc muscle and the list goes on and on. I started out using Western Medicine to try to get back on the roads but was redirected by the Universe to ditch my entire treatment team including a massage therapist I was working with at the time.

I was blessed to meet Dr. Ryan J. Means - a chiropractor who believed in the body's natural capacity to heal and reminded me about all teachings I had heard about before but somehow forgotten to practice their work. He added in the teachings of Dr. Joe Dispenza and Dr. Candace Pert, both teachers in "What the bleep do we know..."

I did not have the intention to set out and crush that goal on Tuesday. Something fired up within me and I was giving it my all. Sweat poured. Heart rate went way up. Once I set the intention to crush that goal, I had a single minded vision and focus. All that mattered in those moments was to see the distance change over as I increased my pace. My intention was clear and once I knew I was within striking distance, there was more and more momentum in my workout. It took on a life of its own and I hit .9 before the 20 minute mark. I kept going until 20 minutes:




From the beginning of my journey to heal my life 10 years ago, I had faith - I believed that I could and would heal. What a thrill to crush my goal on Tuesday.

I'm ready to take on 5.5 miles on Saturday on the road to my third consecutive Bermuda Half Marathon. It will be a first for me to train for and run a third consecutive half marathon but that's what believing, healing and crushing goals is all about!

Go the distance with strength and courage!
~Mary

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


And my latest and greatest book - Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):

Run Bermuda! Run Happy! The Joy is in the Journey: The Joy of Healing

Last week presented many challenges and I found myself in high stress situations. Of course we all know that it's not about the events themselves but how we respond to them. I meditated on peace, equanimity and balance, saying the serenity prayer over and over again. Yet it was difficult for me to get ahead of my feelings and, as always happens with stress, I felt it in my body on Thursday and Friday.

A myriad of physical symptoms surfaced and I knew I needed to take charge of myself.

I returned to the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza and rededicated myself to my healing journey with a passion knowing that I have marked a major milestone -- 10 years -- in my healing journey and I'm training for my 3rd consecutive Bermuda Half Marathon.



I reminded myself that I AM the placebo. My beloved friend, healer and chiropractor, Dr. Ryan sent me this photo early on in our work together in March of 2015. I have it posted on my refrigerator:


I read Candace Pert's book, "Everything you need to know to feel Go(o)d":


Throughout the book, Candace, known to her fans as the "Goddess of Neuroscience" and a major contributor to the field of mind/body medicine, talks about how we talk to our bodies influences our bodies at the cellular level. She just happened to give the example of what happens if you've had a knee injury. You experience pain and your first thought can either be, "Oh no. I am injured again." OR "I love how my body is healing. I can embrace this pain as a sign of healing."

At the end of the book, Candace writes, "Trust. Breathe. Let go. God is in control."

In her Epilogue, she reflects on fear.

"The root of fear, I concluded, is more about being alone, feeling unconnected to others and not realizing that we're all one. As my long-term massage therapist Adam Helfer poetically put it, 'If you're connected to the divine, you'll always feel fine.' Adam had also told me he thought the best universal advice to 'feel good' is to remain in the present moment as much is possible.'"

Throughout my healing journey I have called upon the power of Divine Intelligence that is within and around me. When I first set out on my journey, I imagined God as my master electrician helping me to rewire my body in the wake of paralytic polio and trauma. I harnessed the power of my imagination thinking beyond my circumstances of having a diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease using a leg brace, a cane and a wheelchair at times for mobility.

I have documented my journey through poetry and in two memoirs (see below) sharing how the power of my imagination and harnessing the teachings of Dr. Bernie Siegel, Dr. Joe, Candace Pert, and What the bleep do we know helped me to transform my physical state and alter the course of my diagnosis.

Since last Friday I have given myself more time for meditation going deep into that space that Dr. Dispenza notes is where we are able to create our physical, mental and spiritual reality.

I dismiss thoughts of injury and bathe myself with healing light knowing in every fiber of my being that I am and continue to heal from the effects of paralytic polio and trauma.

The road I have chosen is a difficult road. I could have easily succumbed to my diagnosis and my beliefs that were so deeply ingrained in mind, body and soul.

I experience so much joy when I am able to experience my power of self-healing; to transcend ingrained beliefs, move beyond habitual responses and open my heart and soul to feelings of gratitude for my strength, my courage and willingness to partner with the Divine to go the distance. The joy is in the journey and there is so much joy in experiencing and bearing witness to the miracle of healing in my life.

To going the distance with strength and courage!
~Mary

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


And my latest and greatest book - Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):

Celebrating 10 Years of Healing - Imagination

When I set out on a quest to heal my life 10 years ago on 5/25/2007, I had no idea what that meant! I did know about the teachings of Dr. Bernie Siegel and had practiced the Divine wisdom he channeled. We like to joke and say I am a slow learner. One of the first things I did after the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease by Western Medicine standards was to return to his on line Forum and his books. I knew that I had the power to heal myself.

From "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility":
Okay Universe. What are you trying to tell me here? I examined my left breast and sure enough, I could feel a mass. I remembered the power of visualization from Bernie Siegel’s work and I figured I had nothing to lose and everything to gain by harnessing the power of visualization. I was on a mission – to heal whatever was going on in my left breast. ...
For the next week, every chance I had, I would meditate and visualize only healthy breast tissue. I massaged my left breast.
I told my left breast how much I loved it. I concentrated my energy on the mass seeing it dissolve. Work faded into the background although I took care of what I needed to for my patients and their families. An interesting phenomenon happened at work. My day used to be filled with knocks at my door, constant phone calls and a steady stream of patients and staff. As I began to clear out my office and made the conscious decision to leave, my schedule began to be filled with no shows and cancellations. There was strict monitoring of no shows and cancellations. They were viewed as a waste of clinician’s time and we were to do everything we could to avoid no shows and cancellations in order to keep our numbers up and justify that the VA satellite clinic would remain open.

My focus was no longer on ‘saving’ the clinic or my patients and their families. My focus was on saving myself.

I wouldn’t examine my breast but focused on feeling confident that the mass would disappear. When I arrived for my follow up exam, I changed into my gown. With an air of confidence I told the technician that my mass was gone.

It was! My daughter made me choose the date I would be leaving the VA after that close call with breast cancer. From Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility":

When I returned home my daughter asked me, “Mom if that would have been cancer what would you have done?”

“Well that’s a no brainer, I would have immediately given my notice at the VA.”

“Are you waiting for another disaster to happen? Come on. Let’s choose your last day at the VA. How many weeks notice do you have to give?”

“Six,” I answered.

“Here it is – May 25th. I circled it on the calendar. Give your notice tomorrow.”

During those six weeks I journaled and imagined what my life would be like after the VA. I could feel how I would feel being healthy and whole living a full vibrant life no longer plagued by chronic pain and fatigue experiencing a sense of joy and freedom. For about 30 minutes every day I lived in my future as though it were already here!

My pen became my divining rod for healing as I went to a place where I reclaimed my life, ran unencumbered and free, imagining healers to partner with me to go the distance and help me transform my life all through the power of writing poetry.

I had fits and starts in my healing odyssey always working so hard to move forward, to feel better, to be more healthy and fit.

A defining moment in my quest to heal came in December of 2014.

I was an injury waiting to happen. I was pushing myself hard in running and racing and my only "cross training" was in Aquatics Therapy at Spaulding Rehab. There was a push/pull going on inside of me between claiming my healing yet still identifying myself as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma.

The MRI showed that my left knee and leg was, as the kids like to say, a hot mess. No gastroc muscle as a result of having contracted paralytic polio at the age of 5. Degenerative joint changes as a result of osteoarthritis and several surgeries including reconstructive leg surgery. Bone spurs. Torn cartilage. Scar tissue. A fatty lipoma.

"There's not even enough there that going in and doing arthroscopic surgery would do any good," the physiatrist at Spaulding's Post Polio clinic declared. He referred me for physical therapy, told me to cap the miles I was running and said that eventually I will need a total knee replacement. He also suggested that I return to the Post-Polio clinic for a reevaluation.

Fortunately I had the physical therapist from hell and became quickly aware that the massage therapist I was working with at the time was also the massage therapist from hell. I was surrounded by naysayers and people who didn't support and understand what I was trying to do.

All that work of imagining my healers and imagining myself as healthy, and whole, reclaiming my life and running unencumbered and free was about to pay off big dividends.

Dr. Ryan J. Means or Dr. Ryan as he loves to be called was heaven sent. He was so excited to partner with me and together we read, "You Are the Placebo," by Dr. Joe Dispenza. Dr. Joe had a horrible yet wonderful accident that led him on the path of his life's work - to remind us all of the power of Divine Intelligence within us that we can use to heal. Dr. Ryan let me know that I was worthy of healing and treated me "like royalty." Through his using the art and science of chiropractic care coupled with his beautiful heart, using KT tape and every technique in his toolbox, I began to heal the knee injury AND grow a new gastroc muscle which would minimize my risk for injury once I returned to running.

In tomorrow's blog post, I will be sharing how imagination got me through training and to the finish line of the 2016 Bermuda Half Marathon.....

To going the distance with strength and courage!
~Mary

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


And my latest and greatest book - Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):


Mary McManus, MSW knew challenges since she was five years old beginning with contracting polio followed by enduring nine years of violence at the hands of family members. Those early challenges prepared her for taking on the challenge of the diagnosis of post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease in December 2006 when she was at the height of her award winning career as a social worker at the Department of Veterans Affairs. Asking for Divine Guidance as she had throughout her trials and tribulations, she discovered the gift of poetry in her soul. Her first poem, “Running the Race,” foreshadowed her 2009 Boston Marathon run. “Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance,” chronicles Mary’s journey as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma, as a runner and a woman who refused to quit. Eight years after her diagnosis, she was finally led to two healers, a chiropractor and a muscular therapist, who helped her reclaim her life and go the distance, a woman transformed who embodies the power of endurance.

Going the Distance: Countdown to Bermuda: "We don't recommend running for polio but it's your life!"

A memory popped up in my Facebook news feed from two years ago:
Thank you everyone for all the well wishes and the support. It looks like we're looking at a lateral meniscal tear. I'm going to go for an MRI. We're going to go for a conservative approach with physical therapy to start with. We have to see what else is going on with the structure in this beautiful left knee of mine that is been through many surgeries. It was a great visit. My favorite quote was when he said you know we don't recommend running for polio but it's your life and it works and you have to do what's right for you. He is totally on board with finding the quickest and safest way to get me back on the roads.

He wasn't quite totally on board with getting me back on the roads. After the results of the MRI came in he told me that I should not run farther than a 5K; that my knee was too far gone for any surgical repair with bone spurs, osteoarthritic degenerative changes, degenerative changes from reconstructive leg surgery, a fatty lipoma, along with an atrophied gastroc muscle, and that I should be prepared for a total knee replacement not too far down the road. He wanted me to go back to the post polio clinic for a complete reevaluation to see what interventions they could offer me because after all, "you are aging." I thought about that for a New York minute. Hmmm maybe they can help with the tremors or some OT for my fine motor skills or.....

The Universe sent me the physical therapist from hell. The massage therapist I was working with at the time wanted to collaborate with my medical team because he needed to take his cues from them. When I said that I wasn't going to have another knee surgery he shrugged his shoulders. I wanted to scream kind of like Charlie Brown in A Charlie Brown Christmas...Isn't there anybody out there who knows the true meaning of Christmas only insert to help me heal?



Why yes there is the Universe answered. Dr. Ryan, a healer chiropractor's office was just a stone's throw away IN THE SAME PRACTICE from the massage therapist I was working with at the time only he never thought to refer me to him for help with my knee and for my healing. My powerful intention to heal that I set forth in my poetry was a Force that could not be stopped. Dr. Ryan who knew how running was in my blood. Ryan supported and encouraged me every mile of the way and encouraged me to set goals and be the very best I can be on my health and wellness journey!

Tom and I reflected on that appointment with the physiatrist at Spaulding Rehab's Post Polio Clinic. While he tried to be supportive of me, and in the early days of my healing odyssey, was extremely helpful, he came from a constricted view that often happens in Western Medicine. The massage therapist I was working with at the time and the physiatrist had never known the joy of running. They weren't fully alive and vibrant embracing all that life has to offer. That's not a judgment by any means and I'm sure that both of them have helped their patients and clients but for me, I need people in my life who like to do epic shit and take risks.

What running does for me can best be expressed in this quote by George Sheehan:


or in this quote by John "The Penguin" Bingham:


So Dr. Darren, you might not recommend running for polio but I don't run for polio. I run for my health, for my soul, for my mind and body.

One week from today I run my second CONSECUTIVE Bermuda Half Marathon. I'm nervous, excited, enjoying taper time with awe and anticipation and getting ready for our race-cation.

It's my life indeed and while "they said" no distance longer than a 5K or a 5 miler at most -- I say 13.1!



To your health and wellness!
~Mary

Going the Distance: The Divine Intelligence of our Bodies

In the 1980's, I was hospitalized with a staph infection in my right arm. I was initially misdiagnosed and the staph infection went into my bone. Fortunately, an earth angel, Dr. Donald Reilly snatched me from the jaws of misdiagnosis and mismanagement of the condition which could have otherwise resulted in the permanent loss of use of my right arm. During my extended inpatient stay, I met another earth angel, Beth Jordan, RN who brought me cassette tapes of Bernie Siegel, MD. Through the years Bernie has been my labor coach through many rebirthings and healings. He was there for me in December of 2006 after the diagnosis of post polio syndrome and cheered me on in cyberspace to my Boston Marathon finish line in April 2009. The wisdom he shares, which is drawn from the Divine consciousness helped me to dissolve a breast tumor, to clear out the negative energy through interpretation of my drawings to help me resolve 10 years of infertility and his message of love, medicine and miracles fueled these last two years of my healing odyssey after a serious knee injury.

I often joke with Bernie about being a slow learner but it does take us all awhile to remember that we are worthy of love and healing especially when, in my situation, I had family members who wanted me dead.

I am so blessed that I found my way to Dr. Ryan J. Means who subscribe to the same philosophy of healing as I do. Dr. Ryan Means, a healer chiropractor reminded me of my body's Divine Intelligence and turned me onto the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza and the teachers in "What the bleep do we know..."

If I would have listened to the doctor and the team at Spaulding Rehab's International Rehab Center for Polio, I would be in a wheelchair by now with limited functional capacity. Their message was one of fear: If you use it you will lose it believing that because my nervous system was already compromised as a result of polio, as I aged, the decline associated with aging would be accelerated. Instead, I discovered the gift of poetry in my soul. My pen became my divining rod for healing as I wrote poetry that liberated my mind, body and soul and foreshadowed my 2009 Boston Marathon run.



Despite all outward appearances and what the Team was telling me, what the "experts" were saying about post polio syndrome, my inner wisdom told me I had to get moving! After being discharged from Spaulding Rehab's Outpatient care, I hired a personal trainer. She believed in the body's innate capacity to heal and get stronger and about the mind body connection. When I asked her if I thought she thought there was anything she could do for me to help me get a little stronger and build on the program Spaulding Rehab gave to me, her retort was:



In February of 2008 when she asked me my next goals for personal training, after a list that included I want to walk outside unencumbered and diversify my training, the words, "And I want to run the 2009 Boston Marathon to raise money for Spaulding Rehab" fell out of my mouth. Against medical advice, against the advice of the post polio expert Dr. Julie Silver at the time, I did use it - and I didn't lose it but I also could not get traction on my healing journey.

If I would have listened to the doctor, the physical therapists at Spaulding Rehab's Aquatics Therapy class, the physical therapist from hell I saw at Spaulding and even the massage therapist I was working with after a serious knee injury in December of 2014, I would certainly not be poised and ready to toe the starting line of my second CONSECUTIVE Bermuda Half Marathon two weeks from Sunday. Their admonishment was running was bad for me. Okay if I was going to run no more than a 5K - 5 miles at most but be prepared for a lot of pain and a total knee replacement in a few years. "You have no gastroc muscle. It was long gone after the polio. You've got no cartilage, bone spurs, degenerative osteoarthritis...." and the list went on and on!

Dr. Ryan helped me to plant the seeds to grow a new gastroc muscle using Kinesiotaping and joining with me harnessing the power of my imagination.

During these past 10 years I sought out many body workers in an effort to reclaim my life and experience freedom in my body. Now there are many paths to healing and each person finds their own way. However, I suffered at the hands of so called healers who were recreating dynamics of the very relationships that I was trying to heal using modalities that did not serve me at all!

KMI Structural Integration is a protocol of 12 sessions that begins with the client standing before the body worker clad in a sports bra and underwear or shorts or a two piece bathing suit. The body worker assesses with their eyes what they believe to be the body's imbalances and then imposing the protocol on the body to create change from the outside in. For me it was a method based on aggression and imbalance of power. There was not a sense of partnership between client and body worker. They knew what was right for the body and were going to be the ones to get the body to where it needed to be. As I experienced in Saturday's training run and when my feet hit the floor on Thursday morning.

Zero Balancing was the other extreme to KMI. It uses a very light almost imperceptible touch to try to help the body reorganize itself. The founder of Zero Balancing makes it very clear that the worker needs to maintain strict energetic boundaries and protect themselves from the client's energy. This distancing of feeling and touch and being left alone to sort out my body's reactions to the work recapitulated the trauma of abandonment and neglect from when I contracted paralytic polio and was left to manage on my own by my drug addicted mother. It's no wonder I suffered a knee injury in December 2014 working with a massage therapist who was non committal in touch, intention and presence.

Fortunately, through the grace of the Universe and all that I set in motion for my healing through my poetry conjuring up healers in my mind's eye, I found my way to Dr. Ryan. He gets out of the way to allow Divine Intelligence to flow through him through the power of chiropractic medicine.

It's fun now for me to harness the power of Divine Intelligence when I'm out on a run or going about my daily life. Morning and evening meditation keeps me connected to Source so I become the creator rather than the victim of my life and the circumstances of my past.

A powerful force gets unleashed when we harness the power of love and Divine Intelligence....



a very powerful force that I use to create the miracle of healing in my life, to go the distance and transcend the toxic effects of my past.

To your health and wellness,
~Mary

Going the Distance: Is It Possible?

A year ago if you would have asked me if it would be possible for me to run another half marathon or even run period I would have said I don't think so. I think my running days are behind me or at the very best I might be able to run a 5K or a 5 miler.

And then I met Ryan J. Means,DC. DC stands for doctor of chiropractic medicine. I think it should stand for dismiss common beliefs.

From the moment I met him I could feel his passion for his work and his belief that as a healer, he facilitates the body's natural ability to heal.

Together we decided that I should set goals not limits and I felt the stirrings of being an endurance runner again.

As I sit here writing this, I am thinking about where I will be in one month in the afternoon. I could see myself with my medal from the Bermuda Half Marathon around my neck sitting by the pool feeling deeply satisfied with my accomplishment.

I'm feeling all sorts of new sensations in my body as I train in a way I haven't trained in 6 years and I never trained with this level of intensity. I remind myself that I am the Placebo and can and will go the distance. Tomorrow our running club has our annual charitable event for Christmas Baskets so we will do our long run on Sunday. 12 miles - 12 miles! It's the one year anniversary of when I experienced that serious knee injury and was told I shouldn't/wouldn't/couldn't run again.

Is it possible? It is indeed possible for this survivor of paralytic polio and violence to heal and be transformed, transcending all that went before to go the distance on January 17, 2016.

Giving Thanks: From Why Me to Try Me

As I was standing underneath the hot shower yesterday, I started wondering..."What is up with this challenging situation that reminds me of several other challenging situations I have been through before?" My mind started wandering to maybe it's karma from a previous lifetime or what am I doing to attract this into my life ... and then the hot water showered grace upon me. I felt Bernie Siegel's presence saying to me, "It's life. Remember what I talk about - say try me instead of why me. Would you want someone else to be going through what you are going through right now? You have the strength to handle anything life sets before you."

Peace and gratitude and yes even a sense of unbridled joy washed over me.



As synchronicity would have it, one of my dear soul mates on Facebook, Stacey Chiew posted this today:

Life is holy shit. God may prefer the term "compost" but it amounts to the same thing. We all have our problems but those problems redirect us and teach us to grow. Our difficulties fertilize our lives. The enlightened individual--and the happy family--knows that possibilities grow out of problems. People who know how to be happy say, "Thank you, God, for the fertilizer," while the unhappy cry out, "Oh God, why us?" - Excerpted from Prescriptions for Living, Bernie Siegel



Shortly after being diagnosed with post polio syndrome 9 years ago next month, I returned to the teachings of Bernie and started writing poetry to heal. I remembered what he said about turning challenges into gifts and this is one of the early poems I wrote:

The Gift of Polio

Thank you God for the gift of polio that brought me so close to you
while paralyzed I saw your face no matter what I’d do
Many wonderful healers you sent them to me at age 5
perseverance and triumph life’s lessons learned
but my Spirit could not yet thrive.

At age 53 the gift was sent to me a second time
having time to sit and feel to heal I started to rhyme.
The second time felt worse than the first
yet your love and wisdom I found
out of pain and weakness and fatigue a remarkable spirit rebound.

Reliving all the trauma of special shoes and such
I discovered remarkable healers who brought a loving touch.
I had no clue I had such strength and the ability to grow
no matter what the outcome deep gratitude I show.

This gift so precious I live a new life gratitude flows from me
my heart and soul are filled with grace each day’s a gift from thee.

More recently I wrote this poem:

Gratitude Tingles

Heart opens in quiet, eyes are closed gratitudes trickle then flow
the basics a home, good food and love awareness begins to grow.
Each beat of my heart reminds me I’m a miracle of life
grace showers constantly upon me relieving alleviating strife.

Goosebumps with each reflection every breath a moment to pause
gratitude tingles feel the warmth relaxing unclenching jaws.
Grateful to now be fully alive so blessed to be kissed awake
appreciation flows in every vein for granted nothing I take.

What joy there is in this journey let Spirit within ever reign
trusting in goodness and kindness erases all fear and pain.
Memory traces from the past pale and fade when connected to Loving Source
gratitude overpowers correcting direction on my life’s course.

In moments of meditation happiness joy and peace
from the depths of my soul a fountain grateful blessings increase.
Lips upturn into beautiful smile from head’s crown to tip of toes
gratitude tingles tickling trail of delight everywhere gratitude goes.

The holidays can be a magical and magnificent time but they can also be a time filled with sadness and heartache. We may not get to choose the circumstances of our lives because life happens but we can certainly choose how to respond to what happens.

I choose gratitude and giving thanks. How about you?

The Power of Words - Healthy Living with Dr. Bernie Siegel

I was blessed to share an hour with Bernie Siegel, MD aka bernie and my CD (Chosen Dad) last week on his radio show, Mind Health Matters on Healthylife.net radio.

I first heard about bernie from an earth angel nurse at Brigham and Women's Hospital where I was hospitalized for a bone infection in my shoulder joint back in the 80's. He has been my coach and my Chosen Dad (a phrase used by a woman whose life he helped save through Love) since then he has been my coach through many challenges.

We hadn't talked in quite some time but as happens with dear friends, it was as though no time had passed.

We reminisced about marathon stories and signs. He ran the NYC Marathon for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Initially when he was asked to raise money and run a marathon he said he would make a donation but his friend was rather persistent. So true to bernie, as he lined up on the Verrazano Bridge, he found a quarter. He thought to himself, if I find another penny I know that I'll have enough to go the 26.2 miles. When he got to Brooklyn, he spotted a penny in the street. He went off to the side to make sure he wouldn't get trampled and at just the right moment, he picked up the penny. Before I ran the 2009 Boston Marathon, he told me to look for the penny. It would be a sign that he and God would be with me. Sure enough in Wellesley at the halfway point of the marathon, there was my penny from bernie and God.

I was so honored and warmed to hear bernie read excerpts from my poems and to be able to share with him the power of poetry in my life and where I am today in my journey; how last December I was told I shouldn't run anymore and how I was blessed to meet Dr. Ryan Means, a chiropractor who told me I must read "You Are The Placebo," by Dr. Joe Dispenza. Coincidentally bernie writes on the back cover of Dr. Joe's book, "From my experience with patients with life-threatening illnesses, I have learned the truth as shared in You Are the Placebo. The body experiences what the mind believes...We all have the potential for self-induced healing built into us. The key is to know how to achieve your potential. Read and learn."

We talked about the potential that each of us possesses.

Words are powerful. They can be used to create and as I sat in a leg brace using a wheelchair at times for mobility, through the power of my pen I created a runner even though I had never run a day in my life. I wrote the poem Running the Race. Poetry poured out of me as I imagined, dreamed and visualized myself as healthy, happy and whole.

My poems asked the question how will I ever reclaim my life and expressed a profound desire to run unencumbered and free.

I was searching for someone who would be able to partner with me to heal everything that went before and found my way to Dr. Ryan J. Means, a healer chiropractor.

Through the power of his skilled positive touch and powerful intention with words that heal, I AM healing all that went before - all the horror, all the violence - all of it so I can run unencumbered and free and live a life overflowing gratitude with miracles.

bernie asked me how, after being abused, I was able to trust again and let in the power of positive touch. I shared with him my journey from body worker to body worker until I finally found my way to Dr. Ryan. God saved the best for last.

In one of my poems I write about Our Greatest Teacher:

Our Greatest Teacher

It’s easy to attach to pain
the angst
the anger
the suffering
squeezing Spirit into smaller and smaller spaces
losing sight of light
embodying pain
nerves frayed
teeth on edge chattering with fear
descending deeper and deeper into the abyss

a healer appears
a spark of love to illuminate
to heal
but first to learn

Pain – our greatest teacher
accept the sorrow
release the shame
courage and strength to face death
emerge from the shadows
surrender
allow pain to be
this too shall pass

with each blow my heart breaks open like a piñata
the soul’s treasures found
naked and vulnerable
fully clothed in Divine Love

appreciation and a grateful heart
sweet rewards in this delicious delightful life
peace joy and freedom
when the test is finally past.

bernie and I talked about the tests I had to pass to arrive in this moment and how poetry and positive touch have been powerful healing agents in my life. We blessed each other and felt deep gratitude for the time we spent together. It was sacred time,inspired time and I know a time that touched the hearts and lives of all who listened.

Holy Bermuda Batman - I'm Training for a Half Marathon! Goals Keep Us Honest!

On Monday I was feeling tired during my workout in the pool at WaveHealth. And then I had a light bulb moment...we are just a little over two months away from when Team McManus toes the line at the Bermuda Half Marathon on Sunday January 17th.

One of my favorite phrases from Dr. Joe Dispenza is "Focus on the wave not on the particle."

Instead of focusing on feeling tired, I thought about Bermuda and the thought came to me, "Holy Bermuda Batman - you are training for a half marathon girl."

I suddenly realized that every workout counts.

I haven't had a goal like this in 6 years. I was always focused on limits. I had to be careful to not overdo. My joints were not going to take another long distance goal. And so my body became a reflection of those limits.



Yesterday was an incredibly full and fulfilling day including a magical and magnificent interview with Bernie Siegel on Healthylife.net. He read my poetry from Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life,



and we reconnected with love, warmth, sharing wit and wisdom and having incredible synchronicity with our poems and journeys. We reminisced about our marathon runs, signs that we would and could and did go the distance. This morning the alarm went off at 6:00am. It was time to rise and shine and go for another training run.

I was tired and wanted to hit the alarm clock and snuggle in bed with Tom and Jamie, but I remembered that I am training for a half marathon now and there is no time for excuses!

So we did our plank, our crunches, had toast, a banana and water and out the door we went.

I pushed myself hard knowing that I want to be in the best possible shape when I toe that line in Bermuda. It was a gorgeous morning. Such a gift of warm sunshine for November 4th. Team McManus did hills, and a tempo run and while I was training my body, I was also training my mind to focus on the wave not the particle and allow my body to do what it does best.



I was pleased with my time and this week's physical and mental training.

On Saturday I will run the longest distance I have run since 2009 - 9.5 miles. Holy Bermuda Batman - I am training for a Half Marathon and I need to keep momentum, focus and a powerful positive attitude knowing yes I can go the distance. And this goal of 13.1 happening in just a couple of months is keeping me honest to be my best possible physical and mental self and to inspire others to go the distance whatever the goal, whatever the challenge.