I sure needed superhero powers to get my run on today. It was a hot and humid 86 degrees out at 8:30 in the morning. I suggested to Tom that we park at the beach and I bring my bathing suit this time so we can go for a nice swim and ice bath after our run.
We packed up the provisions and off we went after doing our planks, crunches and clams with weights.
When we turned onto East Broadway heading to the beach emotions overwhelmed me as they had last week. "Geez what is it about turning on East Broadway that you go into a meltdown?" Tom said with such love and tenderness. Last week I had the realization that in December when I turn 62 I will no longer be on social security disability but receive straight social security. "It was so hard," I said to Tom and started sobbing and then laughing all at the same time. It was like a sun shower when it pours rain but the sun is shining.
This week I asked him if he minded the fact that he could get in a 6.5 mile run in an hour but instead he has to be out there a lot longer with me. Uncontrollable tears and laughter bubbled up inside of me again.
"Are you serious? It's not about the time or the distance. It's about us being together."
More sobs and laughter ... okay I gotta pull myself together. We've got a run to do.
It was hot and humid so we started out nice and easy. We enjoyed the water views and just being out running together.
I reminded myself that I am free now. During a meditation I realized that I am not responsible for what happened to me and I certainly did not deserve what happened to me.
During the run I could feel a lot of thoughts and fears bubble to the surface. I felt my left leg tighten and swell and I flashed back to when I was injured last December; the admonitions and warnings from my former massage therapist, the physical therapists and the doctor played in my mind. I was going out on my longest run since the Tufts 10K last October and AM going to run the Bermuda Half Marathon in January and the Newport Full Marathon next October.
Despite all of my mental training through meditation, I could not shake those thoughts and feelings. I talked with Tom for a bit doing affirmations and then each of us got into our running zones. All of a sudden, like a bolt out of the blue the intention that my previous massage therapist set for me by saying, "I don't quite know how to say this but your left leg is still encased. I'm waiting for it to speak to me," roared in my head. Rather than letting it be and letting it drift away, I engaged in battle. "Oh no. None of you were right. I AM going the distance this time.
The next thing I know I am flying through the air. It was like a slow motion kind of experience.
And landed on the ground ....
I instinctively knew I was fine. Tom tried to pick me up and I said, "I'm fine. Just let me get up."
I could feel how strong I was and how I was able to use my upper body strength to ease the fall. Yes I was bleeding but it was only superficial scratches and scrapes. Passers by were aghast. "Oh my God. Are you okay?"
"Yes I'm fine."
There were a few lifeguards inside the pool at Harbor Point and Tom asked if I could get into the sprinkler and wash off. They said I'd have to walk all the way around the complex but they were kind enough to give me an ice pack.
"Is that where you tripped?" and they pointed to an uneven surface on the sidewalk. They commented that many people have fallen there.
I cleaned off using Tom's t shirt. Drank water and said I wanted and needed to finish the 1.5 miles for our run.
I felt something shift within me. I felt my guardian angel ease my fall along with my strength. It was an absolute miracle that I didn't chip my tooth or break anything. I have "road rash" and scrapes but that's it! And I knew the Universe was giving me a gift.
Ever since I was 5 years old, I harbored this fear about not being able to trust in my body. One day I was a healthy 5 year old and the next minute I dropped to the ground paralyzed. Three years later I experienced horrific acts of violence against my mind and body which needless to say did not do much for me developing a loving relationship with my body. No - I dissociated and developed my intellectual prowess.
When I hit the ground, something loosened up within me. My left leg felt open and free. I realized that the very thing I feared the most happened and not only did I survive it but I went on to finish my run. I have superpowers within me. We all do ... it's by calling upon and totally trusting in the love of the Divine that we harness these superpowers. Even though I fell, I felt invincible and knew that I needed to tell and show my body that we are fine. I felt my strength and resilience! We completed our 6.5 miles and took our runfie:
We went into the ocean for a cleansing ice bath:
The cold salt water brought instant healing to my body. Tom and I dove in and went for a swim.
We hydrated and refueled with our snacks, went in for another swim and stopped on the way home for a delicious post run lunch at the Kukoo Cafe in Brookline Village.
I came home and took another ice bath with epsom salts and a hot shower. We bought band aids to protect the scrapes and I am using vaseline to promote the healing of the scrapes on my nose and upper lip. I use the affirmation that I use every week after our runs, "I trust in my body's capacity to recover from runs and workouts."
These past few weeks have been filled with synchronicity and incredible events. Today's training run was a continuation of my feeling a deep connection to God and the angels that have been there to help me create the miracle of my life.
I ran 6.5 miles today! A quarter of a marathon and half the distance for January....
I believe with my whole Being and deep in my heart that I am going the distance. I learned today that it's time to take off the boxing gloves and stop shadow boxing with the demons from my past. I can settle down and settle into the person I have become...whole, healthy, transformed, runnergirl...I deserve to claim the superhero within me...and with today's fall I can honestly say and feel, "Holy Crap! I'm Batman."
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