I used to say that I'm strong in the broken places or stronger in the places they tried to break me but on Monday, I began to experience a shift in my perception. I am not strong where they did anything. I.am.strong. I have strength.
As I was driving to WaveHealth for my cross training in the pool, I felt a new awareness in my legs; a strength in my legs and a connection to my legs I'd not sensed before. For many of you that may seem strange. The sensations were accompanied by the thought, "These are MY legs." That may seem even stranger to you.
But experiencing paralysis from paralytic polio at such a young age followed by repeated rape from the age of 8 until I was 13 and then being beaten and experiencing the sting of a strap and belt buckle at my knees to be "taken down a notch or two" for the next 4 years left me feeling as though my legs were not mine!
But they are mine and I had a great workout in the pool on Monday. I was so blessed to have the pool all to myself where I could move into the sunlight under the skylight and do my strength training after I did 70 minutes of laps. I drank in all the beauty that surrounded me and felt incredibly blessed and free.
For the rest of the day though I had phantom leg pain in my left leg. I knew it was all healing and I just let it be reminding myself that "It's like the sounds in a house. If you aren't familiar with them you panic and say oh my God what's that. But if you are familiar with it you say, oh yeah that's just the furnace and go about your day."
On Tuesday, Tom and I usually do our speed work together but he had a computer emergency at work. I set out to do my solo run. I could feel how, despite the heat and running alone, I really needed to push my pace. It was a hard run but incredibly exhilarating as I let my playlist fuel me and fill me along with a sense of deep of gratitude for all of my healing. I felt tension and scar tissue release in my left leg. I poured sweat. I would occasionally glance at my pace and see that I'd dropped into the 14:00 minute mile pace. I was mindful of the heat and took myself right to the edge.
As I ran around the Reservoir with the sun glistening and the trees the color of late summer, with my breath heaving and sweat glistening on my skin, I felt deep gratitude and a connection to Source that ran through every fiber of my Being. I was in the moment and nothing else mattered. There was nothing else.
My pace was 15'24" which was 10 seconds off of the previous week although in all fairness there were only two hills as opposed to all the hills we ran last week including the monster hill on Cleveland Road.
I feel momentum in my healing journey. I am filled with deep gratitude for Dr. Ryan J. Means a healer chiropractor who blessed me with his skill and knowledge.
And no I am not stronger in the broken places or strong where they tried to break me. I am a woman transformed. I.am.strength.
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