Books on the T: Feel the Heal

It's World Polio Day. It's a day to be grateful for how far the world has come in eradicating polio, a paralyzing and potentially fatal disease and the work that needs to be done because polio still threatens children in some parts of the world. The poliovirus invades the nervous system and can cause total paralysis in a matter of hours. Despite having 5 vaccines, I contracted polio at the age of 5. My best friend's mother was not vaccinated and we were playing together the day before I dropped to the ground in kindergarten class. Her mother was stricken with polio (only a much worse case than I had) on the same day. I was blessed with an earth angel of a physical therapist and physiatrist but all the work we did together could not counter the abuse I endured at the hands of family members from the age of 8 until I was 17. I survived and recovered going on to have an award winning career at the VA; and then at the age of 53 it came to me a second time with the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome in December of 2006.

In February of 2007, I got still and asked for Divine Guidance. I was told I should prepare to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair, adapt our beautiful Cape house or move to a ranch and if there was any hope of stabilizing the symptoms where they were (and they were not a pretty sight to behold) I needed to quit my full time award winning career as a VA social worker just 3 years shy of when I was "eligible" for retirement.

As I sat at my dining room table surrounded by print outs from the "new age" teachers, a most remarkable thing happened. I felt the urge to create and I felt gratitude flow through me!

I sat in a leg brace using a cane and at times a wheelchair for mobility and what did I write about?

Running the Race
Early summer 1959 my kindergarten year
Everyone around me filled with nervous fear
Despite the Salk vaccine hope polio would disappear
The polio virus crept right up and knocked me in the rear.
Dancing all around the gym feeling free just like a bird
I dropped to the ground just like a stone
and no one said a word.
The pain it was so searing-the diagnosis even worse
"It's polio" the doctor said...he was abrupt and terse.
Called one of the 'lucky ones' I had a 'mild case'
But with the other athletes I could never keep their pace.
Miss Holly physical therapist,
curly hair and a warm, broad smile
It tempered the pain of being apart - to walk I'd take awhile.

I always wore those 'special' shoes
the kids they poked and teased
With no support and much abuse
with childhood I wasn't pleased.
But put nose to the grindstone and learned all that I could
I couldn't kick a ball but my grades were always good.
Years went by and no more thought to polio did I give
I accepted the limp and everything else
and decided my life I would live.
But symptoms of weakness and muscle pain did grow
I kept a stoic face hoping no one else would know.

Life no longer was my own I struggled through each day
Suffered in silence, isolated from friends-
trying to keep depression at bay.
And with the grace of glorious God my world it opened wide
I discovered there was a Post Polio team
and they were on my side.

Using wheelchair to travel, set limits on what I could do,
Resulted in joy to realize I could live life anew.
Celebrated my body- creaks, groans and need for a brace
While in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race.
Sought out paths for healing and my spirit flew free
For the first time in life, I could truly be me.
The chains are gone and possibilities abound
I'm a tree with my roots planted firmly in ground.
I'm now off the sidelines, no need to sit and whine
So much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine.
After all these years I can join the loving human race
I exceed all expectations and now I set the pace.

It foreshadowed my 2009 Boston Marathon run and many many miles filled with smiles, grit and determination.

A spigot opened in my soul. Tragedy turned into triumph through the power of my pen harnessing my imagination as I visualized myself feeling healthy, whole, happy and free. I danced in the rain without my leg brace. I ran unencumbered with beautiful metaphors igniting healing inside of me. My heart opened with gratitude flooding my body with feel good chemicals that stimulated healing. As Dr. Joe Dispenza (and many luminaries in the field of mind/body connection) said, "The subconscious mind does not know the difference between an actual experience that produces an emotion and an emotion that you fabricate by thought alone." Dr. David Hamilton's Tenth Anniversary Edition of "How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body" talks extensively about how visualization can help your body to heal. My story is included in this powerful prescription for healing.

The Gift of Polio
Thank you God for the gift of polio that brought me so close to you
while paralyzed I saw your face no matter what I’d do
Many wonderful healers you sent them to me at age 5
perseverance and triumph life’s lessons learned
but my Spirit could not yet thrive.

At age 53 the gift was sent to me a second time
having time to sit and feel to heal I started to rhyme.
The second time felt worse than the first
yet your love and wisdom I found
out of pain and weakness and fatigue a remarkable spirit rebound.

Reliving all the trauma of special shoes and such
I discovered remarkable healers who brought a loving touch.
I had no clue I had such strength and the ability to grow
no matter what the outcome deep gratitude I show.

This gift so precious I live a new life gratitude flows from me
my heart and soul are filled with grace each day’s a gift from thee.

I was blessed to "drop" my book, "Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life" as part of the Books on the T program here in Boston as part of World Polio Day.
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Here is the tweet from Books on the T:
Today is WorldPolioDay and we’re sharing FeeltheHeal, a book of poetry about surviving and recovering from this devastating childhood illness by Mary McManus. Find it on the T (you may even find it left by Mary!) booksonthet



Riders on the T are going to have the opportunity to feel the heal through the power of my words and be inspired by my transformation from a survivor of childhood paralytic polio and severe trauma at the hands of family members to a woman who embodies faith, grace under fire, courage, determination, endurance and resilience.

To your health and wellness
From my heart to yours
Mary




My healing journey using the power of visualization is featured in David R. Hamilton's book, "How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body-Anniversary Edition." It's available on Amazon.


Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):


***Coming Soon - The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953***
The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953 takes you on Mary McManus’ healing odyssey from a wheelchair to the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and beyond. After the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome in December 2006, Mary got still and asked for Divine Guidance. She harnessed the power of her mind to heal her body, feverishly writing poetry in which she imagined herself healthy, whole and free from the shackles of her youth. Mary’s quest to heal her life led her to the sport of running that tested her mettle while fueling her journey of transformation from a survivor of childhood paralytic polio and severe trauma at the hands of family members to a woman who embodies faith, grace under fire, courage, determination, endurance and resilience. Running became a way of life for Mary. As you’ll discover in “The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953” nothing, not even a serious knee injury in December of 2014 could stop her on the roads or in her life. Mary’s story is one that will leave you cheering for the underdog and discovering the meaning of different ability as Mary overcame every challenge that life presented to her.

Celebrating Twelve Years of Healing: Healing Trauma

The past week has been particularly intense for me and sadly for many many women who have been triggered by events in the news. Having contracted paralytic polio at the age of 5 followed by enduring years of sexual, physical and emotional abuse manifested in the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome twelve years ago. Two of the most challenging symptoms were difficulty breathing and swallowing. During my speech and swallow evaluation, we discovered that the left side of my esophagus was sluggish and I was aspirating food into my lungs. I was taught techniques to minimize the risk of aspiration and as my body healed as I healed the breach in my mind/body connection through the power of visualization, the swallowing and breathing issues dramatically improved. I wrote poetry in which I imagined myself healthy, whole and free and running the race even though I sat in a leg brace and was told to prepare to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair!

When I get stressed, I am vulnerable to breathing and swallowing issues.

The combination of events in the news with the increased family stress challenged all of my coping resources. I added in the image of placing all of the thoughts and situations that were creating physical stress in my body into a hot air balloon. I even downloaded Up, Up and Away and added it to my running playlist. I wrote a lot in my journal peeling away the layers of my reaction to different stressors. Yet I could feel the stress continue to build in my body.



When I presented for yesterday's chiropractic treatment with Dr. Lizzie I shared how my back opened and my breath deepened after our last treatment. My right hip was finally moving freely after putting it through the rigors of 3 Bermuda Half Marathons in as many years.

"But," I went on to say with an involuntary cough.

"You have a cough," Dr. Lizzie said.

We talked about the tightness I felt in my chest and throat. What amazes me about Dr. Lizzie and the way she practices chiropractic care is that whenever I present with an issue, she has something to offer to treat it with a mindful, gentle approach checking in with me to ensure that she is in fact bringing healing and not re-traumatizing me.

I felt wonderful after the treatment but knew I had more work to do to clear the area of congestion.

I got to work in my morning meditation.

I thought about how I could obliterate the perpetrators who abused me for 9 years. I am not a violent person! I went from shooting them to shooting them with an air gun like you do at an amusement park and realized this would not do!

Tom and I have been on a decluttering adventure. It's been several years since we went on a decluttering spree and we knew it was time to do it again. I've been decluttering closets, my thoughts and my laptop. I was over the limit on my iCloud space. I went in and deleted videos and photos.

DELETE! That's it! I can hit the delete button to delete the trauma and the people associated with the trauma. I needed to erase it from my hard drive. So much stress built up inside of me from the past and present and in order to prevent a crash of my hard drive, I needed to dump data!

The next step in the process was to get to work on healing my throat and chest. I could sense that I was experiencing acid reflux that was contributing to the sensations I experienced. I created the image of a beautiful plush elevator with red velvet lining and there was only one direction for the elevator - down! I took deep breaths and allowed healing to happen.

To address the sense of constriction I felt in my throat and heart, I remembered how Dr. Lizzie's hands felt creating space. The image of being on a JetBlue flight with extra leg room and wider seats just popped into my mind. Aaah - feel all that space and reclaim this area as my own.

I thought about those cells in my throat, in my diaphragm muscles and the SCM muscles that Dr. Lizzie worked on while providing me with patient education.

I saw them as happy and free no longer affected by the polio virus or the trauma. I saw them dancing and then the song "Brand New Day" from The Wiz provided the musical accompaniment to my healing visualization.


I felt tightness release and the involuntary coughing spasms ceased! I kept repeating over and over and over again, "Thank You God. Thank You God." I took deep deep breaths and when I felt a hint of the congestion and spasm return I reminded myself of all the images accompanied by "Brand New Day" to fuel the momentum of healing. As the symptoms wax and wane in the face of stress, I will continue to practice these new images and thoughts. I imprinted and gave thanks for every wave of peace, ease and comfort I experienced. I said "Thank you for serenity. Thank you for hearing my prayers. Thank you for the gift of healing."

I am so blessed and grateful for the healing tools I've acquired over the past 12 years. I've dissolved a breast tumor, healed a lesion on my nose, grown new knee cartilage and a new gastroc muscle and prevented the need for a total knee replacement which is what the doctors and PT's said I would need after a serious knee injury in December of 2014. I have certainly stopped the progression of Post-Polio Syndrome and when these spasms and issues arise, I see them as opportunities to heal on deeper and deeper levels. The latest additions to my toolkit for healing, in addition to weekly chiropractic treatments with Dr. Lizzie, are the soundtrack from Heal Documentary, Dr. Joe Dispenza's Blessing of the Energy Centers for afternoon meditations, and reading Dr. David Hamilton's "How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body-Tenth Anniversary Edition." Even though my healing story with Post-Polio Syndrome is included in the book, reading the science and being inspired by others' healing stories is helping me to write the next chapters of my healing journey.

I'm celebrating twelve years of healing, ten years of running and finding creative ways to take my health and wellness journey to deeper and deeper levels of healing. I shed the identity as a victim of my past and feel empowered as I let go and fly free unencumbered by the circumstances around me. As Peter A. Levine said, "Trauma is hell on earth. Trauma resolved is a gift from the gods."

To your health and wellness
From my heart to yours
Mary

My healing journey using the power of visualization is featured in David R. Hamilton's book, "How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body-Anniversary Edition." It's available on Amazon.


Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):


***Coming Soon - The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953***

Celebrating Ten Years of Running: A Run & Sun & Time on the Beach

Research demonstrates that spending time at the beach has physical, emotional and spiritual benefits. These are health benefits of spending time by the ocean and What the beach does to your brain are just two articles that share the research on the benefits of going to the beach.

We were blessed with beautiful weather for late September in Boston. We planned to go to Carson Beach and run out to U.Mass Boston and back for our 5K together and Tom would complete his miles for training for Bermuda Marathon Weekend. There were many many events happening in Southie on Saturday. Parking lots were closed off and eventually roads were closed to traffic. There was a walk for Pancreatic Cancer. We were determined to have our run by the beach. We parked across from M Street Beach.

A sea of walkers in purple shirts were in front of us. Tom suggested that we were meant to take it easy and not try to zig zag our way through them. Once the pack thinned out we did pick up our pace. We took in all of the sights and sounds of Southie on a very busy end of summer day. Our runs these days are more than just a way to improve pace or get in the miles. They are a total experience of being in the moment and nourishing ourselves mind, body and soul!



Tom went off to finish his miles for Bermuda and I soaked up sunshine on the beach while reading:


David Hamilton,Ph.D. is one of the leading luminaries in the mind/body connection phenomenon. Using his background as a scientist in the pharmaceutical industry he uses research to support why and how using visualization heals the body. I was blessed to be able to share my healing journey with David and to have his editors include my story in his book. I continue to heal from Post-Polio Syndrome and severe childhood trauma. It's great to have new and inspiring resources to keep the flame of my health and wellness journey lit.

I bathed in the sunshine from Source sending light and love to all of my cells. I continue to recover from training for and running 3 Bermuda Half Marathons in as many years. That's no small feat for anyone but add in my age (I'll be 65 on Christmas) and my physical challenges, it becomes a very big accomplishment; one that needs to be honored and respected as I allow my body to put everything back where it belongs without the weekly pounding of adding on miles.

When Tom joined me again on the beach we enjoyed our lunch and savored listening to the waves. We walked along the beach and I stopped to take this video:


After our swimming workout on Sunday, we returned to the beach. The frenetic activity from Saturday was gone. There were only a few people on the beach soaking up the last warm rays of summer sunshine in Boston.

We set our meditation timer for 40 minutes and allowed the warm sunshine, the rhythm of the waves and a gentle breeze to be our soundtrack for our meditation.

This weekend was a gift from the Universe. We had two beautiful weather days to get in a run, soak up the sun and experience all the benefits that being on the beach has to offer to mind, body and soul.

To your health and wellness
From my heart to yours
Mary

My healing journey using the power of visualization is featured in David R. Hamilton's book, "How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body-Anniversary Edition." It's available on Amazon.


Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):


***Coming Soon - The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953***

Celebrating Ten Years of Running: It All Began With a Poem!

Tom posted on Facebook that he still gets moved every time he reads the first poem I wrote. He put a link to the poem on my website.

Running the Race
Early summer 1959 my kindergarten year
Everyone around me filled with nervous fear
Despite the Salk vaccine hope polio would disappear
The polio virus crept right up and knocked me in the rear.
Dancing all around the gym feeling free just like a bird
I dropped to the ground just like a stone
and no one said a word.
The pain it was so searing-the diagnosis even worse
"It's polio" the doctor said...he was abrupt and terse.
Called one of the 'lucky ones' I had a 'mild case'
But with the other athletes I could never keep their pace.
Miss Holly physical therapist,
curly hair and a warm, broad smile
It tempered the pain of being apart - to walk I'd take awhile.

I always wore those 'special' shoes
the kids they poked and teased
With no support and much abuse
with childhood I wasn't pleased.
But put nose to the grindstone and learned all that I could
I couldn't kick a ball but my grades were always good.
Years went by and no more thought to polio did I give
I accepted the limp and everything else
and decided my life I would live.
But symptoms of weakness and muscle pain did grow
I kept a stoic face hoping no one else would know.

Life no longer was my own I struggled through each day
Suffered in silence, isolated from friends-
trying to keep depression at bay.
And with the grace of glorious God my world it opened wide
I discovered there was a Post Polio team
and they were on my side.

Using wheelchair to travel, set limits on what I could do,
Resulted in joy to realize I could live life anew.
Celebrated my body- creaks, groans and need for a brace
While in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race.
Sought out paths for healing and my spirit flew free
For the first time in life, I could truly be me.
The chains are gone and possibilities abound
I'm a tree with my roots planted firmly in ground.
I'm now off the sidelines, no need to sit and whine
So much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine.
After all these years I can join the loving human race
I exceed all expectations and now I set the pace.

It was the dark night of my mind, body and soul. Two months prior to putting pen to paper and writing this poem, I was diagnosed with Post-Polio Syndrome deemed to be a progressive neuromuscular disease by Western Medicine Standards. Gosh I hope in these past 12 years the medical establishment has had time to rethink their thoughts about what happens to polio survivors in their later years. I was told to quit my award winning job as a VA social worker and to prepare to spend the rest of my life in wheelchair.

I was scared - very scared...then I got angry...and then I got still and asked for Divine Guidance.

It was a cold dark day in February of 2007. I felt a stirring in my soul as I was surrounded by teachings of Wayne Dyer, Lisa Nichols, Bernie Siegel and Tony Robbins. Lisa Nichols suggested in her newsletter to express gratitude in advance of your prayers being answered. A practice that goes back to Jesus and has been suggested by many wonderful modern day healers and teachers. The prompt was, "I am so happy and grateful now that I can..." and the word "create" ended the sentence for me.

Create? Create what? My twins were grown and I was told my career was over. What was left to create?

I took a pen to paper but then the words flowed so fast I had to get on my laptop.

My heart opened and I cried.

My curiosity was piqued. Why was I writing a poem about running a race when I was in a leg brace using a cane and at times a wheelchair for mobility having been told to prepare to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair.

I felt unwell for about 10 years leading up to the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome. For the first time in 10 years I felt joy, hope and possibility. I had felt trapped in my body and trapped in my life despite having an award winning and very rewarding career at the VA up until I started to feel unwell. A door to my future opened after I wrote "Running the Race".

It was as though a spigot was turned on in my soul and poems flowed out of me in which I imagined myself healthy, whole and healed running unencumbered and free releasing the shackles of my past rife with violence from my childhood and the effects of having contracted paralytic polio at the age of 5.

I had never run a day in my life but in my mind's eye I saw myself as a runner. I never owned a pair of running shoes and the "closest" I ever got to the sport of running was being a spectator for the Boston Marathon.

In February of 2008, the personal trainer I hired after being discharged from Spaulding Rehab's Outpatient Clinic, asked me for my next health and fitness goals. My initial health and fitness goals were to be able to get off of a low seat without assistance, diversify my workouts and see if I could get a little stronger.

From "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility":
“Well I want to feel free in my body. I want to dance. I want to be able to walk outside and feel unencumbered when I take a walk.”

Janine wrote feverishly and we worked out a plan. She gathered up her belongings and had her hand on the door knob.

“Wait. I have one more goal.”

Janine stopped and turned around.

“I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital. I know they have a Race for Rehab team and I want to do it next year.”

So began my journey as a runner.



What a blessing to celebrate a decade of running. And to think that it all began with a poem!

To your health and wellness
From my heart to yours
Mary

My healing journey using the power of visualization is featured in David R. Hamilton's book, "How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body-Anniversary Edition." It's available on Amazon.


Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):


***Coming Soon - The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953***