Books on the T: Feel the Heal

It's World Polio Day. It's a day to be grateful for how far the world has come in eradicating polio, a paralyzing and potentially fatal disease and the work that needs to be done because polio still threatens children in some parts of the world. The poliovirus invades the nervous system and can cause total paralysis in a matter of hours. Despite having 5 vaccines, I contracted polio at the age of 5. My best friend's mother was not vaccinated and we were playing together the day before I dropped to the ground in kindergarten class. Her mother was stricken with polio (only a much worse case than I had) on the same day. I was blessed with an earth angel of a physical therapist and physiatrist but all the work we did together could not counter the abuse I endured at the hands of family members from the age of 8 until I was 17. I survived and recovered going on to have an award winning career at the VA; and then at the age of 53 it came to me a second time with the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome in December of 2006.

In February of 2007, I got still and asked for Divine Guidance. I was told I should prepare to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair, adapt our beautiful Cape house or move to a ranch and if there was any hope of stabilizing the symptoms where they were (and they were not a pretty sight to behold) I needed to quit my full time award winning career as a VA social worker just 3 years shy of when I was "eligible" for retirement.

As I sat at my dining room table surrounded by print outs from the "new age" teachers, a most remarkable thing happened. I felt the urge to create and I felt gratitude flow through me!

I sat in a leg brace using a cane and at times a wheelchair for mobility and what did I write about?

Running the Race
Early summer 1959 my kindergarten year
Everyone around me filled with nervous fear
Despite the Salk vaccine hope polio would disappear
The polio virus crept right up and knocked me in the rear.
Dancing all around the gym feeling free just like a bird
I dropped to the ground just like a stone
and no one said a word.
The pain it was so searing-the diagnosis even worse
"It's polio" the doctor said...he was abrupt and terse.
Called one of the 'lucky ones' I had a 'mild case'
But with the other athletes I could never keep their pace.
Miss Holly physical therapist,
curly hair and a warm, broad smile
It tempered the pain of being apart - to walk I'd take awhile.

I always wore those 'special' shoes
the kids they poked and teased
With no support and much abuse
with childhood I wasn't pleased.
But put nose to the grindstone and learned all that I could
I couldn't kick a ball but my grades were always good.
Years went by and no more thought to polio did I give
I accepted the limp and everything else
and decided my life I would live.
But symptoms of weakness and muscle pain did grow
I kept a stoic face hoping no one else would know.

Life no longer was my own I struggled through each day
Suffered in silence, isolated from friends-
trying to keep depression at bay.
And with the grace of glorious God my world it opened wide
I discovered there was a Post Polio team
and they were on my side.

Using wheelchair to travel, set limits on what I could do,
Resulted in joy to realize I could live life anew.
Celebrated my body- creaks, groans and need for a brace
While in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race.
Sought out paths for healing and my spirit flew free
For the first time in life, I could truly be me.
The chains are gone and possibilities abound
I'm a tree with my roots planted firmly in ground.
I'm now off the sidelines, no need to sit and whine
So much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine.
After all these years I can join the loving human race
I exceed all expectations and now I set the pace.

It foreshadowed my 2009 Boston Marathon run and many many miles filled with smiles, grit and determination.

A spigot opened in my soul. Tragedy turned into triumph through the power of my pen harnessing my imagination as I visualized myself feeling healthy, whole, happy and free. I danced in the rain without my leg brace. I ran unencumbered with beautiful metaphors igniting healing inside of me. My heart opened with gratitude flooding my body with feel good chemicals that stimulated healing. As Dr. Joe Dispenza (and many luminaries in the field of mind/body connection) said, "The subconscious mind does not know the difference between an actual experience that produces an emotion and an emotion that you fabricate by thought alone." Dr. David Hamilton's Tenth Anniversary Edition of "How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body" talks extensively about how visualization can help your body to heal. My story is included in this powerful prescription for healing.

The Gift of Polio
Thank you God for the gift of polio that brought me so close to you
while paralyzed I saw your face no matter what I’d do
Many wonderful healers you sent them to me at age 5
perseverance and triumph life’s lessons learned
but my Spirit could not yet thrive.

At age 53 the gift was sent to me a second time
having time to sit and feel to heal I started to rhyme.
The second time felt worse than the first
yet your love and wisdom I found
out of pain and weakness and fatigue a remarkable spirit rebound.

Reliving all the trauma of special shoes and such
I discovered remarkable healers who brought a loving touch.
I had no clue I had such strength and the ability to grow
no matter what the outcome deep gratitude I show.

This gift so precious I live a new life gratitude flows from me
my heart and soul are filled with grace each day’s a gift from thee.

I was blessed to "drop" my book, "Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life" as part of the Books on the T program here in Boston as part of World Polio Day.
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Here is the tweet from Books on the T:
Today is WorldPolioDay and we’re sharing FeeltheHeal, a book of poetry about surviving and recovering from this devastating childhood illness by Mary McManus. Find it on the T (you may even find it left by Mary!) booksonthet



Riders on the T are going to have the opportunity to feel the heal through the power of my words and be inspired by my transformation from a survivor of childhood paralytic polio and severe trauma at the hands of family members to a woman who embodies faith, grace under fire, courage, determination, endurance and resilience.

To your health and wellness
From my heart to yours
Mary




My healing journey using the power of visualization is featured in David R. Hamilton's book, "How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body-Anniversary Edition." It's available on Amazon.


Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):


***Coming Soon - The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953***
The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953 takes you on Mary McManus’ healing odyssey from a wheelchair to the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and beyond. After the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome in December 2006, Mary got still and asked for Divine Guidance. She harnessed the power of her mind to heal her body, feverishly writing poetry in which she imagined herself healthy, whole and free from the shackles of her youth. Mary’s quest to heal her life led her to the sport of running that tested her mettle while fueling her journey of transformation from a survivor of childhood paralytic polio and severe trauma at the hands of family members to a woman who embodies faith, grace under fire, courage, determination, endurance and resilience. Running became a way of life for Mary. As you’ll discover in “The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953” nothing, not even a serious knee injury in December of 2014 could stop her on the roads or in her life. Mary’s story is one that will leave you cheering for the underdog and discovering the meaning of different ability as Mary overcame every challenge that life presented to her.

Celebrating Ten Years of Running: Just imagine!

From the Foreword of Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance by Jacqueline Hansen:
Try to imagine what it must have been like to be diagnosed with paralytic polio as a child. Try to imagine suffering child abuse at the hands of those very family members who are charged with your upbringing. Try to imagine them together. It’s unbearable to think about. Then imagine surviving the unthinkable, and in adulthood being diagnosed with Post-Polio Syndrome. This is a story that needs to be told. This is a story of challenge, of resiliency, and a story of heart, tremendous heart.

Shortly after the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome, in February of 2007, I got still and asked for Divine Guidance. I imagined a life very different from my past and very different from the one the doctors predicted for me. My pen became my divining rod for healing as poetry poured out of my soul. My first poem? "Running the Race" that foreshadowed my 2009 Boston Marathon run and opened the portal to healing.

I watched Forrest Gump's Run Forrest Run scene over and over again imagining myself running free.

Mirror neurons are fired up when we watch somebody do something. Our muscles and neurological connections fire up as if we were doing the very action we are watching!

On Saturday's run, after I slogged through the first mile, I thought about a video that my friend's husband posted on YouTube tracking Kathleen Horgan's triathlon training. Coincidentally, the staging was set up for Sunday's Boston Triathlon that Kathleen was racing.




"Whatever it takes
cuz I love how it feels when I break the chains!"

As far as I have come on my journey healing the effects of paralytic polio and trauma, I still have to be vigilant about not going back into old feelings in my body. It takes both consistent mental and physical training.

I imagined myself out on a run with Kathleen and I transcended any limits I was feeling in my body. Kathleen is poetry in motion! We did crazy negative splits and a pace for the last mile that I haven't seen in a year. I'm recovering from 3 Bermuda Half Marathons in as many years and after a hip/groin/back injury it's a new starting line with working on my pace.

Starting lines are awesome. There awaits unlimited possibility at a new starting line.

Before Saturday I was still in recovery mode after crossing the finish line of the 2018 Bermuda Half Marathon.

On Saturday I crossed a new starting line and I can just imagine what's next!

From my heart to yours,
To your health and wellness,
Mary

My healing journey is going to be featured in David R. Hamilton's soon to be released book, "How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body." It's available for pre-order on Amazon.

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):


Coming soon *** The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953 ****

Celebrating Ten Years of Running: Where Has Running Taken Me?

This morning on Facebook, this photo popped up in my memories:


It was a magical moment at the starting line of the Bermuda Half Marathon in 2016.

Running in Bermuda was on my bucket list and then life happened and I didn't think about it again.

In December of 2014, I suffered a serious knee injury that the physiatrist and PT's said would put an end to my running career; admonished me to cap my distance at a 5K or at most 5 miles and to prepare for a total knee replacement in a few years.

I knew about the mind/body connection and the body's tremendous capacity to heal. With the help of a wonderful chiropractor, I got back on my healing path. With kinesiotape, motivation, inspiration, prescription for cross training and recommendations for reading "You Are the Placebo," "Everything You Need to Know to Feel Go(o)d" and watching "What the bleep do we know," Dr. Ryan reminded me to set goals not limits. Shortly after we worked together, he moved to China to practice chiropractic in an integrative medicine setting but not before he left a lasting imprint on my heart and on my healing journey.

At my 2015 comeback race, the Finish at the 50, the Bermuda Marathon Weekend "just happened" to have a table at the Expo. After several years of walking by their booth at different Expos we attended, Tom decided to stop at their Booth while I slowly walked on. As I overheard their conversation, I stopped and I inched closer and closer to their Booth as I started wondering if perhaps I would be able to go the distance again in Bermuda. The Race Director, Anthony Raynor suggested that if I could go the distance of a Half Marathon, I would much prefer the Half to the 10K which is all hills.

I knew it was time to put running in Bermuda back on my bucket list.

It was an incredible thrill to be a part of an International Race Weekend while meeting friends from Massachusetts. Ann Kucharski stopped me at the pool at The Rosedon Hotel and started a conversation. We had been on the same flight. We discovered that we had many runner friends in common. She ran the 10K and on Sunday morning came to the starting line to cheer us on. She shouted to us and snapped the photo that popped up in my memory feed.

Running has taken me to meet so many wonderful, kind, generous, inspiring people that I would not have met were I not a part of this incredible sport.

Running has taken me to the very edge of what I think I am capable of and then a little bit farther.

Running has taken me away from feeling stuck with a life problem and revealing the answer on a run.



Bill Rodgers once said to me, "Life is hard...that's why we run. When we learn we can tough it out on the roads, we know we can tough out anything that life sends our way." Running has taught me that I can indeed meet every challenge on the roads and in my life.

Running has taken me from seeing myself as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma to a woman who goes the distance with the power of endurance. Running has been my redemption from my past and transformed me from a disabled person to a champion of my life.



Where has running taken you?

From my heart to yours,
To your health and wellness,
Mary

Proud to be a part of Friends of Blue Diamond Athletic Displays, Inc.

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


And my latest and greatest book - Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):

Celebrating Ten Years of Running: When people look at me....

When I was a child and people looked at me, they saw a long metal leg brace, a pixie hair cut, buck teeth, crutches and red polio shoes. As I wrote in my first poem, Running the Race after receiving the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome in December of 2006:

I always wore those 'special' shoes the kids they poked and teased
With no support and much abuse with childhood I wasn't pleased.
But put nose to the grindstone and learned all that I could
I couldn't kick a ball but my grades were always good.

My brother, his friends and my peers would deliberately run away from me and then make fun of me when I tried desperately to catch up to them.

I was called "Easy Out Alper" in gym class.

When I gave the high school valedictorian speech no one saw the invisible scars of rape and nightly beatings that took place from the time I was 8 years old. When people looked at me on the podium no one saw what it took for me to get straight A's in the middle of a household rife with violence and drug and alcohol abuse.

I was inducted into the Jesuit Honor Society, Alpha Sigma Nu at Boston College where I received my MSW in 1984. When people looked at me they saw a woman passionate about social justice and doing good in the world.

When my Team at the VA looked at me shortly after the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome, they thought I had Parkinson's Disease. They also looked at me and thought I was crazy for leaving my award winning career just 3 years shy of when I would have been eligible for retirement.

When the Team at the Post-Polio Clinic looked at me, they saw a woman who was going to spend the rest of her life in a wheelchair, possibly needing a feeding tube, a sleep apnea machine and who would experience a decline in functioning.

I saw a challenge!

After completing intensive outpatient physical therapy with an earth angel of a physical therapist, (who saw my potential beyond the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome) I hired a personal trainer to see if we could build on the home program I was given at discharge. Six months later, in February of 2008, I declared that I would run the 2009 Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital even though I had never run a day in my life. When my personal trainer looked at me she could have easily told me I was crazy to set that for my goal; instead she sent me to get fitted for my first pair of running shoes.

When I discovered the gift of running in my life, I began to transform from the inside out. I felt connected and whole. I looked at myself through a different lens than the one I used as a filter as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma. And, when people looked at me they saw my strength, my courage, my power of endurance, my invincibility, my heart and my soul.

Tom and I had a wonderful 5K run on Saturday despite the heat. It was my fastest time since we crossed the finish line of the Bermuda Half Marathon in January. I'd been taking it easy while a hip/groin/back issue healed. I was pushing hard and did not think it would be reflected in my time given the heat. I made sure that I hydrated well and paused for our "water stops." I felt nauseous after the run with a great sense of satisfaction that, after ten years of running, I love the sport of running and I love challenging myself out on the roads.



When people look at me after we post our "runfies" on Facebook, I want people to see a message of healing, hope and possibility. I want people to see that we are not our diagnosis and we have a tremendous capacity to heal mind, body and soul.

When people look at me, I want them to see the joy and gratitude I feel to be alive, to feel healthy and vibrant and to know that whatever the challenge, once we tame the dragon there is a wonderful gift that awaits us all.

To your health and wellness
From my heart to yours,
Mary

Proud to be a part of Friends of Blue Diamond Athletic Displays, Inc.

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


And my latest and greatest book - Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):

Celebrating 10 Years of Running: Running is my Therapy!

During these past 11 years of healing my life from the effects of childhood paralytic polio and trauma and well life in general, running has been a constant source of therapy for me. Whether I'm pushing my pace to get a PR or going the distance as an endurance runner or running "just for the health of it" as I am now, running nourishes my mind, body and soul.

When life gets stressful as inevitably it will, running provides a focus to give me that push to get out of bed in the morning and get moving.

Saturday was a perfect day to head to the beach and run. As Tom and I ran along William Day Boulevard in South Boston, we reflected on our training for the past 3 years for the Bermuda Half Marathon. I must admit, it was a treat to only do the distance of a 5K and enjoy breathing in the salty air, feeling the sea breeze and the sun on my face and experiencing the expansiveness of the ocean.



Without pushing my pace, I had the "best time" and the best time on a run in a very long while. My hip and groin issue are healing. By continuing to do the 5K distance and running from the inside out, I send my body a message of healing instead of focusing on what was injured. It's always a blessing to have unplugged time with Tom where we say we "solve the problems of the world" on a run.

This morning when the alarm went off at 6:30am, Tom and I were both feeling tired and recovering from a recent major stressful situation in our lives. Did we feel like going on a run? Not so much - at least not at that early hour. We did our 20 minute meditation and with our sights on our morning run, we did our core work, had a banana and water and headed out our front door.

Tom commented that I was going pretty fast. I reassured him that I wasn't pushing my pace but listening to what my body could do and wanted to do. We were going to run twice around the small reservoir but I was feeling once around the big Reservoir as we like to call it aka the Cleveland Circle Reservoir. It was a gorgeous Spring morning and, as one runner said when she passed us, "This is why we live in New England, right?"



Our friends the turtles were out once again sunning themselves on the rocks and the trees were bursting with leaves. Purple and yellow wildflowers dotted the landscape.

I felt at One with all that is; troubles faded away in the dawn of a new day, the ripples of the water in the Reservoir and with the hope that comes with Springtime in New England.



My pace was incredible with running from the inside out and having no goals or expectations for the run. I took two minutes off of Saturday's run. It's great to feel the freedom of moving in my body especially after the diagnosis I received 11 years ago of a progressive neuromuscular disease.

Celebrating ten years of running, I am deeply grateful and blessed for the gift of running in my life.

Running is my therapy!

To your health and wellness
From my heart to yours,
Mary

Proud to be a part of Friends of Blue Diamond Athletic Displays, Inc.

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


And my latest and greatest book - Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):

Celebrating National Poetry Month: Foot Strike

As I began my training for the 2009 Boston Marathon, I discovered the healing power of running. I experienced the power of my foot strike to bring me out of the past, into the present moment, creating a new future of health, wellness, unbridled joy and freed. Before I sought out running quotes or was a part of the running community, I wrote this poem:


Foot Strike

Each strike struck a chord of fear
helplessness
terror.
How would I ever reclaim my life?
Holding onto hope
waiting for the day
when memories would no longer weigh heavy
free to run my own race.
Stomping in anger
striking back
shadow boxing with the thief
who stole away childhood innocence
a no win.
Each foot strike ignites my soul
fired up to run my best race
taking the lead
breaking finisher’s tape

today I won my race.

Running is in fact poetry in motion; my poetry fueled my running and healing journey from the effects of childhood paralytic polio and trauma.

Born to Run

Born free
born to run
run free
unencumbered untethered unshackled
pouring energy into my running form
liquid gold once fired in the crucible
now my treasure born of my Spirit molded with alchemy
refining
my precious treasure once buried
the map safely tucked away
X marks the spot
a new starting line.
Poised and ready
to go the distance
all out without hesitation
all is healed at last
my pace swift
Mercury and Hermes pace me on winged feet
I AM
born to run
running free
joyfully crossing the finish line with ease.

It's the 10th anniversary of my running adventures and the 11th anniversary on 5/25 when I took a leap of faith leaving my award winning social work career at the VA to heal my life from the effects of childhood paralytic polio and trauma. Each foot strike has been a blessing and has taken me away from my past into the gift of the present while creating a beautiful life. With each foot strike I transformed from a survivor into a strong, resilient and beautiful woman - the woman I was always meant to be who embodies the power of endurance.

To your health and wellness
From my heart to yours,
Mary

Proud to be a part of Friends of Blue Diamond Athletic Displays, Inc. Be sure to visit us at Booth 758 during Boston Marathon Weekend.

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


And my latest and greatest book - Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):

Life is a Marathon - I'm Grateful I'm An Endurance Runner

"Life is hard. That's why we run," Bill Rodgers has said to me on several occasions.

That is the truth! He went on to say that when the going gets tough on the roads and we know we can endure, then we can take that into our lives.

I am deeply grateful that I am an endurance runner for that has held me in great stead when it comes to the challenges in life. Being an endurance runner has taught me patience, strength, taking things mile by mile and being in the present moment, knowing that when I feel as though I cannot take another step, there is always enough in the tank to keep me going and, if I need to pause, I can always catch a second wind.

I have been joined on a marathon of healing from the effects of paralytic polio and trauma by our daughter Ruth Anne who is in the marathon of her life healing from severe depression. Three years ago she crossed the starting line of a journey to reclaim her mental health and sense of well being. Severe depression precipitated by trauma reared its head. Her life came to a screeching halt much as mine had 11 years ago after the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome.

Last week, Ruth Anne experienced an acute episode of depression necessitating a brief inpatient psychiatric hospitalization.

The thing about running and life is you never know when something may catch you unaware. The thing about running and life is we are blessed with resilience able to overcome and move forward feeling stronger than we ever have before. It's incredible to experience that second wind after you feel as though there's no way you can go any further in the race.

It seemed as though things were falling apart again but with intensive inpatient therapy, an outpouring of love and support from our village and an increase in medication plus Ruth Anne's fiery warrior Spirit, she is putting the pieces of her life back together in a more meaningful and profound way than before things fell apart.

When my life fell apart 11 years ago after the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome, I had no idea that I'd be living the healthy, vibrant, abundant life that I am blessed to live today.

It's been a lot of trial and error, twists and turns in the roads for each of us but life is a marathon, not a sprint and I am blessed to have a warrior daughter, who, like myself, goes the distance!

To your health and wellness
From my heart to yours,
Mary

Proud to be a part of Friends of Blue Diamond Athletic Displays, Inc. Be sure to visit us at Booth 758 during Boston Marathon Weekend.

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


And my latest and greatest book - Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):