December 5, 1988 I began my almost twenty year tenure as a social worker at the Department of Veterans Affairs. The chief, Jim Blair, said he wanted to bring me on board because of my credentials but also because I was a mother of twins. He had twins and wanted to compare notes as I went through the various milestones with my twins. We dropped off our 18 month old twins at the Government Center Child Care Center and I walked into the 6th floor office at Court Street of the Visual Impairment Services Team Coordinator (VIST). It was a dream job for me that would enable me to use my training as a clinical social worker and my background in public relations and marketing to rebuild the program that would serve legally blind and visually impaired veterans. After almost a year of pouring my heart and soul into the program, building the roster of legally blind vets from 42 to over 600 and receiving a Blinded Veterans Association Certificate of Appreciation Award, Jim came to my door to tell me that I would not get my promotion. The old boy network reared its ugly head. The person in charge of VIST in West Haven Connecticut needed to come back to Boston and "they" gave him my job! The reason he had to leave West Haven? He was involved in many sexual harassment complaints.
I began looking for another job outside of the VA. Jim was incredibly apologetic and asked me what position I would like to move into/create for myself. We decided I'd become a member of the Primary Care Team. I worked with primarily geriatric veterans and their families and was an integral part of the Ex-POW team.
I was juggling motherhood and my career and I did not know the importance of self care.
In 1996 I began to experience twinges of not feeling well. Fatigue, chronic pain, occasional limping which I attributed to the residuals of childhood paralytic polio began to surface.
By 2004 the symptoms worsened to include numbness and tingling down my jaw and right arm, chronic fatigue, weakness, pain everywhere in my body, depression, anxiety (well duh who wouldn't feel depressed and anxious with these symptoms) and I felt as though my life was spiraling out of control. Even though I was an award winning social worker at the VA having received Social Worker of the Year, Employee of the Month and Certificate of Appreciation awards, and had a beautiful home and family life in Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts, I knew there was something seriously wrong happening to my body.
My primary care physician at the time insisted that it was all in my head and referred me to see a psychiatrist while dispensing samples of Paxil which I flushed down the toilet.
By the summer of 2006 I knew I had to take action. I asked for Divine Guidance and "google Post Polio" was the reply.
I kept up my caseload and tried to hide what was happening to me as best I could. Leading a double life was something I learned growing up in a violent dysfunctional household. I became high school valedictorian while fighting for my life every night and on the weekends at the hands of a psychotic grandmother.
In October of 2006 I had my first appointment at the Spaulding Rehab's International Rehab Center for Polio and Post Polio. By December the diagnosis of exclusion of Post-Polio Syndrome was given to me. I was told to prepare to spend the result of my life in a wheelchair and that if there were any hope of stopping the symptoms where they were that I needed to quit my full time job!
But I was only 3 years shy of when I 'could' retire and I had it all figured out how I was going to spend my retirement. I was going to get a little job in retail somewhere - like Bloomingdale's and meet friends for lunch and enjoy whatever time I had left on planet earth.
The Universe obviously had different plans for me.
Life as I had known it, along with my retirement plans, came to a screeching halt.
I was diagnosed with a progressive neuromuscular disease and told that the "normal" aging process was going to accelerate because of my history of paralytic polio. I needed to prepare to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair.
In February of 2007, I got very still and asked once again for Divine guidance.
The answer that came in the dark, cold night of winter and the dark night of my mind, body and soul was a poem:
Running the Race
Early summer 1959 my kindergarten year
Everyone around me filled with nervous fear
Despite the Salk vaccine hope polio would disappear
The polio virus crept right up and knocked me in the rear.
Dancing all around the gym feeling free just like a bird
I dropped to the ground just like a stone
and no one said a word.
The pain it was so searing-the diagnosis even worse
"It's polio" the doctor said...he was abrupt and terse.
Called one of the 'lucky ones' I had a 'mild case'
But with the other athletes I could never keep their pace.
Miss Holly physical therapist,
curly hair and a warm, broad smile
It tempered the pain of being apart - to walk I'd take awhile.
I always wore those 'special' shoes
the kids they poked and teased
With no support and much abuse
with childhood I wasn't pleased.
But put nose to the grindstone and learned all that I could
I couldn't kick a ball but my grades were always good.
Years went by and no more thought to polio did I give
I accepted the limp and everything else
and decided my life I would live.
But symptoms of weakness and muscle pain did grow
I kept a stoic face hoping no one else would know.
Life no longer was my own I struggled through each day
Suffered in silence, isolated from friends-
trying to keep depression at bay.
And with the grace of glorious God my world it opened wide
I discovered there was a Post Polio team
and they were on my side.
Using wheelchair to travel, set limits on what I could do,
Resulted in joy to realize I could live life anew.
Celebrated my body- creaks, groans and need for a brace
While in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race.
Sought out paths for healing and my spirit flew free
For the first time in life, I could truly be me.
The chains are gone and possibilities abound
I'm a tree with my roots planted firmly in ground.
I'm now off the sidelines, no need to sit and whine
So much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine.
After all these years I can join the loving human race
I exceed all expectations and now I set the pace.
On May 25, 2007 I took a leap of faith leaving behind my beloved career as a VA social worker that had begun 30 years ago today.
That poem foreshadowed my 2009 Boston Marathon run and many many adventures as a runner.
I celebrate the anniversary of when I began a career that proudly served those who served. While the work was grueling at times, the rewards were great. I cherish the people I worked with and the veterans and their families who let me into their lives and hearts.
I celebrate my twelve years of healing and ten years of running with a full and grateful heart for how everything worked out. Sometimes we must be willing to give up the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
To your health and wellness
From my heart to yours
Mary
My healing journey using the power of visualization is featured in
David R. Hamilton's book, "How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body-Anniversary Edition." It's available on
Amazon.
Be sure to visit my website by following this
link.
My books are available on
Amazon.
Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life
Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:
Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):
***Coming Soon - The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953***
The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953 takes you on Mary McManus’ healing odyssey from a wheelchair to the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and beyond. After the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome in December 2006, Mary got still and asked for Divine Guidance. She harnessed the power of her mind to heal her body, feverishly writing poetry in which she imagined herself healthy, whole and free from the shackles of her youth. Mary’s quest to heal her life led her to the sport of running that tested her mettle while fueling her journey of transformation from a survivor of childhood paralytic polio and severe trauma at the hands of family members to a woman who embodies faith, grace under fire, courage, determination, endurance and resilience. Running became a way of life for Mary. As you’ll discover in “The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953” nothing, not even a serious knee injury in December of 2014 could stop her on the roads or in her life. Mary’s story is one that will leave you cheering for the underdog and discovering the meaning of different ability as Mary overcame every challenge that life presented to her.
