Celebrating Healing: Twelve Years Ago Today

I felt unwell for 10 years before becoming sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. In the summer of 2006, I told my primary care provider that I felt there was something seriously wrong with me. On physical exam and based on my "vitals" and EKG there was no evidence that anything was physically wrong with me. He came out from his supply closet of samples from the pharmaceutical industry and handed me Paxil. He gave me a referral to a psychiatrist. I went home and flushed the Paxil down the toilet, ripped up the referral to a psychiatrist and prayed.

"Google Post-Polio Syndrome", Spirit suggested.

On October 19, 2006, with shaking hands and a trembling voice I picked up the phone and called the Spaulding Rehab's International Rehab Center for Polio and Post-Polio Clinic in Framingham; 30 minutes from my house.

An earth angel by the name of Anna Rubin answered the phone.

She spent 45 minutes on the phone with me as I cried and poured out my heart and soul to her.

"It sounds like you do indeed have symptoms consistent with Post-Polio Syndrome. I'll send out a packet of information for you to fill out and Dr. Julie Silver's Book on Post-Polio Syndrome. If you want to see Dr. Silver you'll have to wait until the first of the year but Dr. Rosenberg can see you next week."

I'd waited long enough to take that first step of my journey back to life.

After doing a series of tests in coordination with my NEW primary care provider, the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome was made. I saw Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Speech and Language Therapy, Brace clinic and orthotics clinic. I was told to prepare to spend the rest of my life in wheelchair. If I had any hope of stabilizing the symptoms where they were that I needed to quit my award winning career as a VA social worker. I "had" 3 years to go before I was "eligible" for retirement. I was terrified ... and then got angry that I was in that predicament...and then in February of 2007 I got very still and asked for Divine Guidance. The answer came in the form of a poem, "Running the Race," and then many many poems in which I imagined myself as healthy, and whole, running unencumbered and free!

The rest, as they say, is motion picture history - well not yet - but it is captured in my books.


I sit here in absolute awe of where I was and how I felt 12 years ago to the woman I am today. The years of dissociation mind from body as a result of having contracted paralytic polio and then enduring years of severe childhood trauma finally caught up with me. While on the outside my life looked "perfect" with an award winning career at the VA, a home in Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts and a family with my husband and twins, on the inside my life was falling apart. But out of the depths of my pain and through my struggles to return to a state of health and wellness, I found myself! My healing quest led me to the sport of running. What adventures I have experienced and what friendships I have forged all through that simple little sport of running. My running journey began in February of 2008 when I uttered those fateful words to my personal trainer (who I hired after being discharged from Spaulding Rehab Outpatient care) "I want to go outside and walk. I want to feel free in my body. I want to dance. (I took ballet before contracting paralytic polio)". As Janine was getting ready to leave the house at the end of my session I said, "Wait! I have one more goal...." The words fell out of my mouth before I had time to think. "I want to run the 2009 Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab. They have a Race for Rehab Team."

Twelve years since I took that first step on the road back to life. Twelve years and many earth angels to help support my healing. Twelve years and I found an incredible village in the running community. Twelve years and a healing odyssey to inspire others with a message of healing, hope and possibility.

To your health and wellness
From my heart to yours
Mary

My healing journey using the power of visualization is featured in David R. Hamilton's book, "How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body-Anniversary Edition." It's available on Amazon.


Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):


***Coming Soon - The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953***
The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953 takes you on Mary McManus’ healing odyssey from a wheelchair to the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and beyond. After the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome in December 2006, Mary got still and asked for Divine Guidance. She harnessed the power of her mind to heal her body, feverishly writing poetry in which she imagined herself healthy, whole and free from the shackles of her youth. Mary’s quest to heal her life led her to the sport of running that tested her mettle while fueling her journey of transformation from a survivor of childhood paralytic polio and severe trauma at the hands of family members to a woman who embodies faith, grace under fire, courage, determination, endurance and resilience. Running became a way of life for Mary. As you’ll discover in “The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953” nothing, not even a serious knee injury in December of 2014 could stop her on the roads or in her life. Mary’s story is one that will leave you cheering for the underdog and discovering the meaning of different ability as Mary overcame every challenge that life presented to her.

Going the Distance: Connecting the Dots

It's fascinating to connect the dots that led me to being interviewed by Keith Cartwright for his TwoTim47.com podcast.

Rewind to Bermuda Marathon Weekend I in January of 2016. What a glorious tapestry woven by the Divine. At the time could I have possibly imagined what would happen a year and nine months later where I would be blessed to share my healing odyssey with Keith and the listeners of his podcast.

Keith is a wonderful and skilled interviewer whose work as a mental health professional blends with his faith in God to bring forth a conversation that will inspire and touch the lives of all who listen to his interviews.

After reading "Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life" and "Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance" which I sent to him after Lashell suggested I be a guest on his podcast, Keith decided to use my poem, "Running the Race" as a way to focus the interview.

Running the Race
Early summer 1959 my kindergarten year
everyone around me filled with nervous fear
despite the Salk vaccine hope polio would disappear
the polio virus crept right up and knocked me in the rear.

Dancing all around the gym feeling free just like a bird
I dropped to the ground just like a stone and no one said a word.
The pain it was so searing-the diagnosis even worse
"It's polio" the doctor said...he was abrupt and terse.

Called one of the 'lucky ones' I had a 'mild case'
but with the other athletes I could never keep their pace.
Miss Holly physical therapist, curly hair and a warm, broad smile
it tempered the pain of being apart - to walk I'd take awhile.

I always wore those 'special' shoes the kids they poked and teased
With no support and much abuse with childhood I wasn't pleased.
But put nose to the grindstone and learned all that I could
I couldn't kick a ball but my grades were always good.

Years went by and no more thought to polio did I give
I accepted the limp and everything else and decided my life I would live.
But symptoms of weakness and muscle pain did grow
I kept a stoic face hoping no one else would know.

Life no longer was my own I struggled through each day
Suffered in silence, isolated from friends- trying to keep depression at bay.
And with the grace of glorious God my world it opened wide
I discovered there was a Post Polio team and they were on my side.

Using wheelchair to travel, set limits on what I could do,
resulted in joy to realize I could live life anew.
Celebrated my body- creaks, groans and need for a brace
While in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race.

Sought out paths for healing and my spirit flew free
for the first time in life, I could truly be me.
The chains are gone and possibilities abound
I'm a tree with my roots planted firmly in ground.

I'm now off the sidelines, no need to sit and whine
So much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine.
After all these years I can join the loving human race
I exceed all expectations and now I set the pace.

No spoilers here but the questions that Keith asked me and the topics we talked about helped me to connect the dots of my life seeing the hand of God guiding my footsteps every step of the way.

Our hope is that I can be a beacon of hope, light and inspiration to others who may be struggling with a diagnosis, a history of trauma, aging, doubts, fears and wondering if they can go the distance in their lives.

I recently edited Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance, and Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life. I updated photos and content and fell in love all over again with the gift of poetry in my life. My physical therapist, Miss Holly read Dr. Seuss to me before every painful physical therapy session, coaxing muscles and nerves to heal after I contracted paralytic polio at the age of 5. After poetry began pouring out of me inspiring mind, body and soul to heal after the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome in December of 2006, a progressive neuromuscular disease by Western Medicine standards, I connected the dots back to when Miss Holly would prop me up on the chair in Dr. Moskowitz's waiting room and read Dr. Seuss to me and then have me recite Dr. Seuss back to her in tandem.

Keith did not know that I reconnected with my gift of poetry during these past few weeks yet here he was inspired to focus on "Running the Race," the poem that began the journey for this most unlikely Boston Marathon finisher and runner and that connects the dots back to Miss Holly, physical therapist, curly hair and a warm broad smile.

I encourage you to visit TwoTim47.com. Be inspired by his writings, his interviews and his own journey as he keeps the faith at work, on the roads and with his family. Follow this link to the podcast, "Polio Survivor Turned Boston Marathon Finisher."

I am so excited for these next chapters in my life as I go the distance with strength and courage on the roads and in my life.



From my heart to yours,
Mary

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


And my latest and greatest book - Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):

Run Bermuda! Run Happy! On Ten Miles, Turkey Dogs, Ponchos and Running Camaraderie

We knew there was a good chance of rain for our 10 mile run yesterday. We got up early hoping that we would be able to beat the rain. We saw patches of blue sky and were feeling hopeful, yet cautiously optimistic. We packed the ponchos skillfully rolled up by Tom. I purchased them at Target on a whim a few weeks ago when I had to pick up a few other items. As Tom kept saying throughout the run, "These ponchos are a blessing."

The first mile was without rain and then there were slow plops of raindrops. The great debate - should we bring out the ponchos now or wait and see....Given the foreboding sky, we decided to put them on. As a runner passed, she smiled and laughed at these 3 runners wearing ponchos when it was barely drizzling.

"She laughed at me," I said out loud. She wasn't laughing at me, Ruth Anne assured me. She was amused by our attire.

The rain picked up a steady pace.

We saw a few runner friends and stopped for a moment to chat and get caught up on what was next on our race calendar. We acknowledged what dedicated runners we are to be out training in the rain.

Since we were running 3 times around the Reservoir, we had the opportunity to pass the same runners a few times; the one who "laughed" at me smiled as we passed her and another runner who waved heartily as she braved the elements in a tank top and capris.

A neighbor from our neighborhood passed by running with her dog. With a hint of sarcasm in her voice she said, 'Enjoy.' Her dog shook off the rain and continued running with joy and reckless abandon. "I'm taking my lead from your dog," I said. "We should all have that attitude," she said.

I know how blessed and grateful I am to be able to run in the rain, trying to navigate (and sometimes without success) the mud puddles.

As a survivor of paralytic polio, lugging a full metal leg brace and then not having the flexibility or freedom in my body as a result of polio and severe childhood trauma, I never had the opportunity to splash in puddles and run in the rain.

Shortly after being diagnosed with Post-Polio Syndrome now almost 11 years ago, I was back in a leg brace. I had a dream about splashing in the puddles without my leg brace a la Gene Kelly in Singin' in the Rain. That dream inspired this poem:

Come Out and Play
Arms flung open wide dancing in the rain
pure abiding joy to feel alive again
healing tears fall and blend in God’s puddle
no time to sit in a corner and huddle
all the old rules driven by fears
washed away now by God’s loving tears
the imprint dad left no longer remains
rain washes away all of the stains
baptized with love, Truth lights my way
the sun shines through on this rainy day
splashing and laughing my heart opens wide
embracing and flowing I’m one with the tide
God takes my hand release the old way
bathe in my glory come out and play!
From "Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life" available on Amazon

There I was out in the rain without a leg brace training for Bermuda Half Marathon III.

We made a quick pit stop at our home to fill up water bottles, use the bathroom and get on our way for the final miles on our double digits training run.

While standing on the corner of Rt 9, waiting for the light to change, one of our dear friends rolled down her window and honked at us. We waved and smiled. What an energy boost! After I thanked her on Facebook she said how inspiring it is to see us out running together.

On to twice around the Route 9 Reservoir, up the hills back to our house and the last mile up and down Eliot Street finishing strong with another hill.

Another neighbor who we hadn't seen in awhile passed by us; up ahead her daughter was running. It was a day for die hard runners who weren't afraid of training in the rain! Another energy boost as we exchanged hey there - it's great to see you!

I could feel the gravel from the path around the Reservoir hit the back of my legs. Our running shoes were squishy and we were of one mind and one purpose - finish double digits today. This was more than just 10 miles as I wrote about in "Tomorrow It's Double Digits."

I could feel that our pace was picking up as we got closer to the end of the run. I recalled what our personal trainer told us during our 2009 Boston Marathon training. Once you're on the back half of the miles you need to run, you can begin to pick up the pace.

Ruth Anne cheered me on during the uphill as she had during Wednesday's tempo run.

One more mile to go as we passed our home. An out and back .5 of a mile. The rain began to taper off and by the end of the run the rain had stopped. We were soaked and muddy yet feeling incredibly accomplished.



We had shaved off 7 seconds/mile from last week's run and did a negative 59 second split from mile 9 to mile 10!

I have often likened training for an endurance event to being pregnant. You get some pretty strange food cravings, you have sensations in your body that are not there when not doing intensive training, and most importantly of all, after the event is over, you swear you're not going to do another one and then you forget about all the pain in the process and do it anyway. I woke up sore this morning moving gingerly until I could get everything in motion with our core work exercises to begin the day. I am so grateful for a warm pool at Boston Sports Club to continue to gain momentum in training and bring ease to the aches and pains from a 10 mile run in the rain! We all know that sore = strong! But I digress....

Last week I was craving hot dogs but knowing that hot dogs are not exactly a nutritious and healthy choice, we decided that turkey hot dogs would be a great compromise. Tom took off his rain soaked poncho and fired up the grill. Ruth Anne listened to her cravings and she had a breakfast for lunch with a huge breakfast bowl of cereal, granola and fruit, a waffle and a smoothie. Tom and I relished our two turkey dogs and a salad followed by a chocolate smoothie.

I was chilled and damp from the run but knew I had to muster my courage to get into an ice bath with Epsom salts to recover.

Harnessing the power of my mind, putting on a hat, my hoodie and having my iPhone handy to "relax" and read through my stream, I lowered myself into the icy waters.

I kept telling myself that a warm shower was going to feel so good once I completed my 15 minutes of flushing my muscles and letting my body begin to recover from those 10 terrific and triumphant miles.

I saw a Facebook memory from a year ago that reminded me that it was raining and windy for our 9 mile run last year. We opted to go indoors and do 6 miles on the treadmill and 3 miles on the bike.


This year we are training ourselves mind, body and soul with a loving village to surround and fiery determination to have the best race day possible on January 14th, 2018.

Go the distance with strength and courage,
Mary

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


And my latest and greatest book - Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):

Run Bermuda! Run Happy! On Strength, Persistence and Goals!

Sometimes it feels as though life is going to crush us but then we have the opportunity to turn around and crush goals!

I thought my life was over after the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease by Western Medicine Standards in December of 2006.

I got still, asked for Divine Guidance, wrote poetry, and set an incredible goal to run the 2009 Boston Marathon. I had completed outpatient therapy at Spaulding Rehab and hired a personal trainer.

After meeting my goals for the first 6 months of our work together, my personal trainer asked me about my next goals. "I want to be free in my body. I want to be able to walk outside unencumbered. I want to dance again (I was a ballerina before contracting paralytic polio at the age of 5). I want to diversify my workouts .... Janine wrote everything down and had gathered up her things. She had her hand on the door knob and I said, "Wait. I have one more goal."

Did you ever have one of those moments when words fell out of your mouth after rising up from the depths of your soul without going through any thought process whatsoever? Well that's what happened to me as I said, 'And I want to run the Boston Marathon next year for Spaulding Rehab. I hear they have a Race for Rehab team.'

And so it began - my journey from a survivor of paralytic polio and severe childhood trauma to becoming a runner!

I was playing around on Facebook today for #tbt and came up with this array of photos:

Christmas 2007 shortly after I hired my personal trainer:


Boston Marathon 2009:


Team McManus then and now training for Bermuda Marathon Weekend 2018:


And Bermuda Marathon Weekend 2016 and 2017:


At any point along this ten year healing odyssey, I could have given up and nobody would have blamed me!

Instead, I harness the power of my Fiery Spirit and persistence to set bigger and bigger goals!

On Saturday it will be 8 great miles on the road to my threepeat of the Bermuda Half Marathon.

After Bermuda, Team McManus will be heading once again to Camp Hyannis - Hyannis Marathon Weekend! Ruth Anne will be running the Half with her friend and Tom and I will be taking on the 10K.

Strength - persistence and goals - going the distance and garnering more stories for The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953!

Go the distance with strength and courage!
~Mary

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


And my latest and greatest book - Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):

Going the Distance: When our stressings become our blessings! A whole new world!

At the age of 85, Dr. Carl O. Helvie is still thriving as a lung cancer survivor who was told he had 6 months to live over 40 years ago. I sent him a birthday wish on Facebook. He thanked me and told me that he has a link to the interview I did with him in his latest book in a chapter on Faith.

I had no idea that the interview was still available! I listened again to the interview before mine with Dr. Harold G. Koenig. Dr. Koenig is a psychiatrist who heads up research on spirituality and healing at Duke University.

I listened to my interview again. What a blessing to experience Carl's gentle Spirit and compassion while bringing forth my story to inspire others. We talked about faith, gratitude, and my journey with the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease by Western Medicine standards. We talked about how poetry helped me to transform my life, healing my life through the power of my pen, my Divining rod for healing as inspirational poetry poured out of me once I got still and asked for Divine Guidance shortly after receiving the diagnosis.

In both interviews, Carl addressed how people get to choose what path they want to take in the wake of a diagnosis and the role that spirituality plays in that choice.

I was initially devastated by the diagnosis and the recommendation that I leave my award winning career as a VA social worker. But then, in February of 2007, a whole new world opened before me as I tapped the creative part of my soul, reconnected with God in my life and ignited the flame of possibility that I could and would live a vibrant and full life regardless of appearances.

Gratitude and appreciation, taking absolutely nothing for granted and embracing what was happening to me were the keys to opening the door to my whole new world.

I was grateful for the gift of polio in my life and then the gift of Post-Polio Syndrome that led me to the path of healing and wellness and to discovering the sport of running in my life!

Talk about a blessing! I've met the most amazing people, developed incredible friendships, run with champions and incorporated travel with the joy of races.

As I continue to challenge myself, and share my healing story, I inspire others and let people know, as Carl has, that a diagnosis does not define or dictate our health outcomes. We get to choose our path!

A Well Chosen Path from "Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life":

PPS, MS, cancer stroke and more
many diagnoses exist in the doctor’s store
does diagnosis shape and a cripple does it make
or do I use the pain to choose the path I want to take?

No matter what the outcome there’s no way I can fail
for when I take the hand of God through adversity I sail.
The body is imperfect but my soul is shining free
there’s never any limit to the true essence of me.
I get in tune and get in step knowing every limb is healed
running wildly with the wind embracing flowers in the field.

I love myself beyond all words a message says to live
and from my open grateful heart to others do I give.

Life challenges us! Often times we would prefer to not have the challenges but when we embrace them, allow them to transform and awaken us, the door to a whole new world opens before us.

Go the distance with strength and courage!
~Mary

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


And my latest and greatest book - Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):

Run Bermuda! Run Happy! Be a Hill Seeker!

The metaphors between running and life are truly magnificent! When I saw Bill Rodgers at the Bill Rodgers 5K Run/Walk for Prostate Cancer back in September of 2014, he said to me, "Life is hard. That's why we run. If we can tough it out on the roads, we know we can tough out whatever life sends our way!"



There are rolling hills along the Bermuda Half Marathon course and the start and the finish have a significant hill. It is vital to train on hills to be well prepared for my third consecutive Bermuda Half Marathon.

Jamaica Pond has some rolling hills and when we trained for the 2009 Boston Marathon our personal trainer had us do hill repeats and fartleks.

We were planning to train at Jamaica Pond last Saturday but with heavy rain and the threat of thunderstorms, we decided to train along the Boston Marathon course on Beacon Street. Now you may think that Heartbreak Hill is the only place on the Boston course that challenges you with hills but in fact an out and back run on Beacon Street after Cleveland Circle will give you quite the hill run for your money.

As in running and as in life, it's all about perspective, attitude and mind set.

If you approach an uphill with a sense of dread and drudgery, you'll never experience the joy of having conquered something that challenges you. For me, I experience a sense of satisfaction deep in my soul after exerting effort and giving something my all. My challenges of paralytic polio and being a trauma survivor helped to forge my fiery Spirit and sense of determination and a feeling that nothing can stop me now!

Life happens on the hills and I am sure we will be heading out to Heartbreak Hill for a few training runs on the road to Bermuda, repeating our Beacon Street out and back run and making sure we are well trained to take on the hills in Bermuda.

As in running as in life - you can't avoid the hard uphills so we may as well embrace them and become a hill seeker enjoying the thrill of swooshing down the other side!

From Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life:
"Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them." -Marcus Aurelius

Born to Run

Born free
born to run
run free
unencumbered untethered unshackled
pouring energy into my running form
liquid gold once fired in the crucible
now my treasure born of my Spirit molded with alchemy
refining
my precious treasure once buried
the map safely tucked away
X marks the spot
a new starting line.

Poised and ready
to go the distance
all out without hesitation
all is healed at last
my pace swift
Mercury and Hermes pace me on winged feet
I AM
born to run
running free
joyfully crossing the finish line with ease.

Go the distance with strength and courage!
~Mary

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


And my latest and greatest book - Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):