On May 25, 2007 I went through the clearing out process leaving behind an almost 20 year award winning social work career at the VA to heal my life from the effects of paralytic polio and trauma. In October of 2007, I hired a personal trainer to see if I could get a little stronger and build on the rehabilitation program that Spaulding Rehab gave to me after I was discharged from their outpatient program. In February of 2008, as Janine asked me for my next health and fitness goals I said, from "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility":
“Well I want to feel free in my body. I want to dance. I want to be able to walk outside and feel unencumbered when I take a walk.”
Janine wrote feverishly and we worked out a plan. She gathered up her belongings and had her hand on the door knob.
“Wait. I have one more goal.”
Janine stopped and turned around.
“I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital. I know they have a Race for Rehab team and I want to do it next year.”
Janine was non-plussed. I don’t know what kept her from turning tail and getting as far away from me as she could. She came back into my house and put down her things. She said that the first thing I would need is a pair of running shoes. She told me that Marathon Sports on Beacon Street would be able to help me. She laid out a cursory training plan and said that we would begin indoors to build up my cardio endurance. As soon as the weather got a little warmer, we’d go outdoors and I would learn how to run.
What had I just done?
When I first presented to the Spaulding Rehab International Rehab Center for Polio and Post Polio in October of 2006:
The buzzing hum from the fluorescent lights echoed the buzzing in my nervous system. I sat waiting for my first appointment at the post polio clinic at the IRCP. My complexion was as white as the paper that covered the exam table. I felt as fragile and vulnerable as that piece of paper that gets ripped off and tossed away after the exam. Every inch of my body hurt. I was exhausted. I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I hadn’t really cared whether or not I woke up in the morning but I had a husband and twins that needed me. Ironically enough I was at the peak of my career as a VA social worker. I couldn’t sleep. I felt depressed. My award-winning career as a social worker at the Department of Veterans Affairs no longer fueled my soul. Somewhere deep inside of me there was a feeling that there had to be a way out of the hell I was living in.
The symptoms began in 1996. I had episodes of feeling fatigue and muscle burning. I was anxious. At times, I noticed that the limp from paralytic polio returned. In 1992, I had reconstructive leg surgery to correct the deformity of my left leg and to avoid a total knee replacement at the young age of 39 years old. Here I was 7 years later feeling as though my body was beginning to deteriorate and my life falling apart.
It was a difficult road leading up to finding the courage to acknowledge something was happening to me mind, body and soul, and then take action. With my voice quivering, I contacted the IRCP to schedule my first appointment. It was rough terrain when I was poked and prodded, and went through painful tests including an EMG which is administering electric shocks to determine what nerves the initial polio virus affected. Seven tubes of blood to rule out other possible causes for my symptoms, an MRI to evaluate cervical spine pain and numbness and tingling in my jaw and down my arm, evaluations by a physiatrist, OT, PT and Speech and Swallow pathologist, being fitted for a leg brace, a cane and being told to prepare to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair was treacherous terrain to navigate.
Writing poetry led me to beautiful destinations in my mind that inspired mind, body and soul to heal beginning with my very first poem, "Running the Race."
The sport of running transformed my life. I met people who cheered me on rather than jeered at me as I had known as a survivor of paralytic polio. I was celebrated for my courage, my strength and inspirational story.
I have been to the beautiful destination of the Island of Bermuda where I ran three Bermuda Half Marathons in the past 3 years:
My favorite destination is discovering my beauty and that I am worthy of being healed, healthy, whole and strong. What a beautiful destination to wake up every morning and no longer feel the weight of my past bearing down on me. What a beautiful destination of living a life surrounded by loving like hearted people who provide unconditional love and support. What a beautiful destination to discover that at 64 years old I can live a healthy, vibrant and joyful life leaving the difficult road of the past in the rear view mirror and looking forward to many happy and healthy miles on the open road before me.
To your health and wellness
From my heart to yours,
Mary
Proud to be a part of Friends of Blue Diamond Athletic Displays, Inc.
Be sure to visit my website by following this link.
My books are available on Amazon.
Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life
Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:
And my latest and greatest book - Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):
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