Sunday, May 31, 2015

"If thoughts can do this to water..."

Last weekend we watched "What The Bleep Do We Know..." The movie is 10 years old! It stars Marlee Maitlin as Amanda who goes on an Alice in Wonderland like adventure while philosophers and scientists present their ideas and studies about quantum physics.

Now before you tell me that you barely made it out of high school chem class, the information presented juxtaposed with Amanda's journey awakens us all to a world of possibility and harnessing the power within us to create our lives.

I began my journey eight and a half years ago as the intention and emotion I experienced through my poetry, despite being in a fragile, deconditioned and decompensated body drove my physical, mental and Spiritual transformation that continues today.

One of my favorite scenes is "The Water Scene" - take two minutes to watch it:

"Makes you wonder doesn't it? If thoughts can do that to water, imagine what our thoughts can do to us."

I KNOW what our thoughts can do to us and for us.

Shortly after receiving the diagnosis of post polio syndrome, what medicine calls a progressive neuromuscular disease, I had an abnormal mammogram. In fact, the diagnosis of post polio syndrome manifested from my years of self loathing coupled with being in a constant state of fight/flight survival mode in response to severe childhood trauma. For one week before returning for a repeat mammogram, I meditated and focused all of my energy on seeing my breast tissue as healthy. Given that I was dealing with the diagnosis of post polio syndrome, I felt with every fiber of my Being that I was not and could not add breast cancer into the mix despite having an extensive family history of the disease. The only outcome I could see and feel and breathe was that this tumor would dissolve.

When I returned for my follow up mammogram, I confidently told the technician that this was really not necessary because the tumor was gone. She was kind and supportive and said they had a wonderful oncology team available at MGH who would give me the best possible outcome with the best treatments available. I told her that she'll see and the doctors will see - it's gone!

She took extensive views and the doctor examined them with a "fine tooth comb." They concluded it must have been an artifact or a mistake on the first reading. I know different. I felt the tumor. They saw the tumor but they could not imagine that I could heal myself.

Last December when my knee became inflamed, I briefly returned to Western medicine to get a handle on what I needed to heal. But I didn't stay there. The messages they sent me were words of caution and admonishment that running wasn't a great idea but since they knew I would run away that longer distances were definitely out if I wanted to preserve my knee joint.

While I knew that I could heal myself using my mind as I had when I was first diagnosed with post polio syndrome and went on to run the 2009 Boston Marathon, I knew that since I wanted to take my healing to the next level, I needed to find a partner for this next phase of my journey. The Universe answered my call with Jeffrey Spratt, principal of Spratt Muscular Therapies

In a recent treatment with Jeff, I had the epiphany that when I had reconstructive leg surgery and a total of 5 leg/knee surgeries on my left leg coupled with the history of paralytic polio, and repeated childhood rape, that the energy was blocked in my left leg resulting in osteoarthritis, bone spurs, a lipoma and I now forget what else was reported out on the MRI. As Jeff takes time during the treatment to do energy healing to boost what I do in my meditation (more on meditation in tomorrow's post), I can feel my knee come alive. I can feel it pulsating and energy moving through it which dissolves what was formed when energy was blocked.

I keep a healing journal and am now writing down my affirmations. Here is a sampling:
~I am healthy, whole, confident and strong

~The tremors are healed. I bless Jeff for bringing this into my consciousness. Jeff brings a cold bottle of water after the treatment. After my first treatment, I took the bottle and commented on how I realized that my hands shaking are a response to violence. Then I would politely take the bottle and put it in my bag feeling embarrassed to have my hands shake in front of him. But two weeks ago I bravely took the water and said to him that I hadn't taken it before because I was embarrassed for him to see my hands shake. I could feel his compassion and then he said that when he had the intention to heal the tremors during the treatment, his hands got hot!

I had never thought to put this out there before now even though I've wrestled with them for decades.

Through weekly treatments with Jeff, I feel the energy flowing and fear melt away. I visualize and embody strong, steady hands and feel my wholeness of Being. I don't look in the mirror and say oh the tremors are still there; I see myself with my third eye without any tremors. I embrace experiencing my strong, steady hands and energy flowing from my back all the way down my arms without interruption. I smile. I feel the back of my cervical spine open as though I am opening a window and allowing fresh air to come in to allow spinal fluid and energy to flow.

Jeff also practices cranio-sacral therapy and I can feel the movement of my spinal fluid finding new ways to be and move erasing the effects of paralytic polio and violence. As he held my head and cued me to take a deep breath and let it all go, he led me through a guided meditation that I now practice on my own to feel comfort, ease and freedom of movement in my head and cervical spine.

~My left knee has full range of motion. I feel the scar tissue dissolve in my mind's eye and feel a comfortable and easy stretch when I stretch my quads. In last week's treatment, I had almost full range of motion. I open up to the possibility and feel it happen.

~I run a 12 minute mile. The actual time doesn't ultimately matter but I see myself as running with ease and being swift of foot. I see myself and embody myself as an endurance runner. Period. I was a mobility impaired runner. Now I am building strength, confidence, endurance and ultimately speed. When I do my sit ups and crunches I see myself as ageless creating and forging and forming the endurance runner within me.

I feel the heal. I journal and write poetry feeding myself well on thoughts that create my new reality. I meditate, work out and work with Jeff. I am unstoppable. I am invincible. And all things are possible! "If thoughts can do this to water...."

Feel the Heal

The Potter’s wheel with loving hands a figure forms brave and true
breaking mold cast by others, Triumphant Spirit emerges shining through.
In the likeness of Divine’s image, all excess baggage gently melts away
unbridled freedom, joy, resilience fired up whole without fringe or fray.
Rhythmic turnings ever so slowly, tender kindness she feels the heal
Potter pauses as work now finished, she gracefully leaps from Potter’s wheel.
Color and shape beyond compare magnificent in radiant sun
going the distance helps others to heal fueling her 26.2 mile run.
Transcending transforming no pain can last, grit and gratitude fill heart and soul
leave doubts and fears in dust of memories past
sights set clearly on finish line goal.
In the distance the Potter’s cheering that Voice so clear rises above the din
she feels in every fiber of her Being this race is hers to win.
Pacing, persistent and patient in each moment she feels the heal
reminded of her humble true beginnings blessed by grace on Potter’s wheel.


I chronicle the first 7 years of my healing journey in Coming Home:A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility.

In Journey Well, the journey continues in the wake of my nephew's suicide on 3/4/11 and the events of 4/15/13. Through my journey of healing and transformation, we learn that no matter what life circumstances happen to us, we can always find a way to journey well.

50% of book proceeds from all of my books, available on Amazon are donated to the Massachusetts Resiliency Center to support 4/15/13 Boston Strong survivors and their families.

I am working on my new book, Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems which brings together my best poems of the last 8 years and will include my latest poems as I continue to feel the heal and move forward in my life.

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