Friday, September 12, 2014

A Whole Universe of Possibility

As I opened my eyes after my morning meditation, the sun was streaming into my room from over my shoulder. I wanted to see if I could capture the moment of a glorious morning's light in mid September here in New England.

There is a chill in the air, the once vibrant green leaves are beginning to change color and the shadows are longer on the lawn, but the sun's radiance with its beams of light is where I focused my attention.

There is a whole Universe of possibility out there.

During yesterday's treatment at Sollievo Massage and Bodywork, I experienced the Universe of possibility for my healing mind, body and Spirit. I experienced an intimate connection with my physicality and how I can bring healing to the parts of me that were injured by paralytic polio and violence. I felt compassion, forgiveness, love and laughter flow through me. I was able to transcend and transform the terror that was in my body to experience it with observation from a distance rather than embodying the terror and fear. Blame, shame and guilt are released into the ethers of the Universe allowing me to experience my preciousness as a Being. This morning's sun was a blessing reminding me to continue to harness the power of the Universe to heal, feel the fullness of my Being, and the fullness of my life. I am deeply grateful for the healing heart and hands of Joseph and the beautiful energy of all who are a part of Sollievo.

My connection to something greater than myself began at the age of 5.

From my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility," available on Amazon

As I lay on the couch, my mother glared at me smoking a cigarette. I had to go to the bathroom but I knew better than to ask her. I learned that I had to wait until my father or grandfather came home to be toileted. I had a vision. This beautiful Being with a flowing white beard appeared. A hand was extended to me to climb into a well bucket only there was no hand. I climbed into the well bucket even though I lay paralyzed on the couch. I was reeled up to meet this Being and then I returned to my paralyzed body. I knew that somehow I was going to make it through this mess. After experiencing this vision, I saw this Being everywhere I looked. I saw the Being in my storybook. Whether my eyes were open or closed this Being was with me. Guardian Angel? or hallucination from the fever and pain of polio? I cast my vote for Guardian Angel that was there to protect me. Despite the emotional and physical pain, the abject terror I was experiencing, somewhere within me I felt peace and comfort.

I regained movement of my right arm and leg but my left arm and leg remained paralyzed. At least I could wiggle around a little on the couch and could hold my books. Here I was with this cold, angry, rejecting woman smoking a cigarette who would not and could not touch me, waiting for my father or grandfather to come home to meet my basic needs. Despite the precarious predicament I was in, I had a sense of safety. This was my first of many experiences of being touched by grace.

“Hi – I’m from the March of Dimes. I understand your daughter has polio. May I come in and see her?”

“Yes, someone has come for me,” I thought.

She helped me down onto the carpeted floor.

“Let me see how you can move…can you move from side to side? Can you roll over?” she gently asked me.

“Boy you are one of the lucky ones…”

“Really?” I thought to myself – “this is lucky?”

But she was right. There were many children who were institutionalized and in iron lungs. There were many children and adults who never regained movement after paralysis and there were thousands who died in the polio epidemics. Yes indeed I was one of the lucky ones. And although my mother did not have the capacity to care for me and about me, I had my spirit guide who invited me to make a choice. I chose life.

I'm rewriting the story I wrote in "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" in my next book, "Journey Well."

The facts remain but the pain and terror are healed. My connections with helpers seen and unseen are connections I want to nourish and strengthen as I continue my marathon of healing because there is a whole universe of possibility.

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