On Digging Deep -- Three Feet From Gold

When we can't see what's on the other side of our efforts, it can be easy to quit. Sometimes we don't realize if we dig a little deeper, we are three feet from gold!

In my morning meditation, writing a blog post about digging deep came to me.

I logged onto Facebook and saw this quote from a dear friend of mine, "When I need a little motivation I picture the goals ahead of me, then I dig a little deeper and I work a little harder. Preparation, hard work and determination, every day, is the difference between success and failure. It's true in sports and it's true in life!!"

It's been a lot of digging deep during these past 11 years as I healed the effects of paralytic polio and trauma after being diagnosed with Post-Polio Syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease by Western Medicine standards.

It was a profound wake up call that I needed to dig deep and make some serious life style changes in order to heal my life.

I was blessed with earth angels first with a physical therapist at Spaulding, Allison Lamarre-Poole who now has her own physical therapy practice in Maine specializing in women's health at Koru Physical Therapy. And then meeting Janine Hightower a personal trainer who took me from my leg brace, cane and not being able to get up off a couch or low toilet seat without assistance to the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon.

I had never run a day in my life when I declared that my next health and fitness goals after working only 6 months with Janine were to run the 2009 Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab.

I had to dig so deeply to get to the starting line and once I did, I knew that I would make it through those 26.2 miles.



After a serious knee injury in December of 2014 that I was told would sideline me from running and that I would need a total knee replacement in a few years, I had to dig deep and ask for Divine Guidance to take my healing to the next level. I was blessed to meet a healer chiropractor, Dr. Ryan J. Means and rededicated myself to healing using the work of Dr. Bernie Siegel or Bernie and Dr. Joe Dispenza.

I dug deep to find the courage to once again "go against medical advice" and follow my heart and soul to not only keep on running but going the distance of a half marathon again.



I had to dig deep during Bermuda Half Marathon 2017 after mile 10 when I suffered severe cramping but with the help of my running and life partner Tom and an earth angel at mile 12, I did it!


Training for this year's Bermuda Half Marathon was not easy. I ended up with a muscle strain and was so blessed that my chiropractor (I am so blessed to keep finding these earth angels), Dr. Lizzie Sobel worked hard to partner with me to get me through that race.



I am on a running racing hiatus as I allow everything to heal after running 3 consecutive Bermuda Half Marathons yet I am also digging deep to heal and to continue to build strength in the pool, on the bike and in my home strength training workout.

No one would have blamed me had I stopped digging deep at any juncture of my healing journey

BUT

I would have lost out on the Gold:


To your health and wellness
From my heart to yours,
Mary

Proud to be a part of Friends of Blue Diamond Athletic Displays, Inc. Be sure to visit us at Booth 758 during Boston Marathon Weekend.

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


And my latest and greatest book - Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):

Motivation and Momentum: Setting My Own Goals

I'm in uncharted territory in healing the effects of childhood paralytic polio and trauma. This is the first time in my 11 year healing odyssey that I ran 3 Half Marathons in as many years. After the Boston Marathon in 2009, I crashed and burned. Fortunately my cervical spine doctor was at the ready to help me recover and I had a wonderful physical therapist to help me build core strength and heal cervical spine disease as well as improve overall conditioning. By Summer of 2010 I was back on the roads feeling strong, thoroughly enjoying my participation in my newfound sport of running.

I had a long and winding road of trying out different physical endeavors and different forms of bodywork to encourage my body's healing. I got back on the roads in May of 2013 at the OneRun to help the City of Boston move forward from 4/15/13. I vowed that I would never stop running and always be a part of the running community.

In December of 2014, my left knee blew out and I was blessed to meet Dr. Ryan J. Means, a chiropractor healer who, in addition to inspiring my healing mind, body and soul, introduced me to the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza. Dr. Ryan inspired me to set goals not limits and after running the 2016 Bermuda Half Marathon, the 2016 Hyannis 10K, the Bermuda Half Marathon 2017 along with a few 5K races thrown in and the 2018 Bermuda Half Marathon, I know it's time to take a break from pushing my body and allow my body time to heal and recover while enjoying health and fitness workouts for "just the health of it."

Yet I can't be complacent about how I work out.

While still recovering from Bermuda I am experiencing discomfort in my back, right hip and groin area. It is counterintuitive to get moving while feeling discomfort and pain yet I know what happens when I don't work out. The pain gets worse and I feel worse in mind, body and soul.

I'm being mindful and doing hard then easy workouts and taking two full rest days/week. I've decided to go for weekly chiropractic care in addition to my home self care regimen. I've taken to setting aside time for an afternoon meditation to facilitate my body's healing.

Since I am not pushing myself to run distance or speed at the moment, I am using the stationary bike at the gym for my cardio workouts and to allow my inner competitor to "see what this body can do" - a favorite phrase of my personal trainer from the 2009 Boston Marathon. I set goals for myself. I experience a baseline and then see what I can do to move beyond it. My first goal was to do 6 miles in under 40 minutes. I did that for two weeks. Last week I decided to do a 45 minute workout on the bike with a 5 minute cool down. I did 7.70 miles. Today I pushed at the end of my work out to see if I could go farther than 7.70 miles and I did!



Yesterday I did an hour work out in the pool incorporating what I learned from Spaulding Rehab's Aquatics Therapy classes to aid in my recovery. Tomorrow I will have an easy pool workout continuing to do my own pool therapy rehab. I am hoping to get out on Tuesday for a very easy 5K - slow and steady - reminding myself that the body achieves what the mind believes but also being mindful of what I have just accomplished.

While I know that my body recovers with ease and I see myself back out on the racing circuit in no time, I do need to honor where I am right now.

I motivate myself and maintain momentum while setting my own goals to go the distance!

To your health and wellness
From my heart to yours,
Mary

Proud to be a part of Friends of Blue Diamond Athletic Displays, Inc. Be sure to visit us at Booth 758 during Boston Marathon Weekend.

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


And my latest and greatest book - Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):

On Faith and Risk!

Eleven years ago I was diagnosed with a progressive neuromuscular disease - Post-Polio Syndrome which was nothing more or less than the effects of childhood paralytic polio and severe childhood trauma. These past 11 years have been filled with risk taking and a whole lot of faith.

My husband Tom told me it was a no brainer when the Team at Spaulding Rehab made the recommendation I quit my award willing career as a VA social worker just 3 years shy of when I "could" retire. They said that if there was any hope of stabilizing the symptoms where they were I needed to eliminate the stress of work. I was blessed with a physical therapist, Allison Lamarre-Poole who both held the faith for me that I could and would get stronger while supporting and encouraging me to take the leap of faith to leave my career in order to heal my life.

I did and after being discharged from her care, went on to hire a personal trainer. Next stop? The Boston Marathon 2009!

I burned and crashed and was blessed to find another amazing physical therapist at Newton Wellesley Hospital who got me back on the roads by Spring of 2010.

I was doing great until my nephew's suicide on 3/4/2011 when I took a major detour off of my healing path into relationships and the practice of yoga with a very sketchy tribe to say the least.

After 4/15/2013, I had a major wake up call to get back to the sport of running that has been my therapy, my village, my greatest challenge and my deepest passion.

I ran myself right into a serious knee injury going for PR after PR with 9 races in 9 months.

I almost derailed into the messages that Western Medicine was giving me about what I could and could not do as a survivor of paralytic polio. Being my willful and determined little self and with the help of an amazing chiropractor healer, Dr. Ryan J. Means (who is now practicing in China) I set out to once again heal my life and of course my knee. He suggested insisted I read the book, "You Are the Placebo" by Dr. Joe Dispenza, watch the movie "What the bleep do we know?" and "Everything you need to know to feel Go(o)d" by Dr. Candace Pert.

He taped my gastroc muscle. The MRI showed that it had atrophied as a result of polio. He taped my knee to reduce swelling and to stimulate healing.



He prescribed exercises and a setting goals not limits mindset.

At the Finish at the 50 race in July of 2015, Race Director Anthony Raynor suggested that if I could get up to the half marathon distance again in my training, I would be much happier running the half than the 10K in Bermuda given that the 10K course is all hills.

After taking a leap of faith that my knee (and the rest of me) would heal and be fine going the distance of a half marathon again, I crossed the finish line in Bermuda with Tom by my side and Dr. Ryan cheering us on from China!


I couldn't be a one hit wonder and when on to run Bermuda Marathon 2017. It was a rough race for me for many reasons but I prevailed and after a brief rest in the medical tent, took this photo with Tom:


I was ready to take a break but how could I possibly refuse an invitational entry from the Race Director in Boston at the Boston Marathon Expo.

I firmly decided:


An added blessing to my journey on the road to Bermuda Half Marathon 2018 was that Ruth Anne joined us after 3 years of struggling with severe depression and PTSD.

I knew that I had to have a lot of faith and confidence in my body's ability to go the distance for a 3rd half marathon in as many years. That faith was tested as I experienced a muscle strain in my right hip and back spasms along with groin issues. Fortunately I had run the 2009 Boston Marathon with a groin pull because well nothing was going to stop me from crossing that finish line:


I knew that once I harnessed the power of my mind I could do it.

On 1/14/18 Team McManus crossed the finish line of the 2018 Bermuda Half Marathon:


and a new line was drawn in the sand about what I perceived as my limits.

It's time now for me to take that much needed rest after a threepeat at the Bermuda Marathon Weekend. Tom and Ruth Anne will be running in the 2019 Half. I need time to heal this hip/back/groin and to explore other joys of movement now that I've gained momentum on my health and wellness journey. I see myself excavating the athlete within. Just like Michelangelo could see his creations emerge from the medium he worked with, I am chiseling away beliefs that no longer serve me, building a base of a strong core and upper body strength, and creating a runner who runs unencumbered, with ease at a 12 minute/mile pace.

I'll be taking more risks in experiencing classes at our gym and upping my game in my strength training and cross training workouts. I am putting the call out for a personal trainer who can help me take my health and fitness to the next level having complete faith in my body's ability to meet whatever challenges I offer.

So while some may say I may have gone too far by taking on the 2018 Bermuda Half Marathon, I say:


To your health and wellness
From my heart to yours,
Mary

Proud to be a part of Friends of Blue Diamond Athletic Displays, Inc. Be sure to visit us at Booth 758 during Boston Marathon Weekend.

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


And my latest and greatest book - Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):

Bermuda Marathon Weekend: Which Place Changed Your Life?

I rarely do the Nametests on Facebook but thought I'd see what the response was when asked the question, "Which Place Changed Your Life?"



Of course it was Bermuda Marathon Weekend!

It was the miracle of training for and completing 3 Half Marathons in as many years for me and it was all the moments of miracles that led up to Team McManus' triumphant run around Bermuda.

When we were first reunited as Team McManus in May of 2017 after Ruth Anne's multiple hospitalizations to treat severe depression and PTSD with as many med trials, adverse reactions to meds and programs that were not a good fit, we had trouble finding our rhythm on the roads and in our lives. Ruth Anne had been on her own for 3 years struggling to find her way and Tom and I were empty nesters. We were all determined to experience success as Team McManus.

There was always one constant and an anchor for whatever was happening in Ruth Anne's road to recovery and my continued healing from the effects of paralytic polio and trauma: our dedication and commitment to training for the Bermuda Half Marathon!

We trained in heat and humidity and freezing cold. We learned that quitting was not part of who we are despite bone chilling 17 degree temperatures which felt like I don't even want to know how cold. We ran in the rain and the snow. Every Saturday morning without exception we set the alarm, did our core work, had our breakfast, packed up the running backpacks and off we went to get in our miles.

The left knee that the doctor predicted would need a total knee replacement by now after an MRI in January 2015, was fine throughout the rigors of training. Bone spurs, torn cartilage, degenerative changes, a fatty lipoma, and no gastroc muscle were all reversed through meditation, visualization, journaling and exercises prescribed by my chiropractor/healer, Dr. Ryan J. Means or Dr. Ryan as he likes to be called to build strength and grow a new gastroc muscle. Dr. Ryan introduced me to the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza that built on the work of Dr. Bernie Siegel for me that I'd been familiar with for years. Dr. Ryan inspired me to take my healing journey to a new level! He left for China to follow his own destiny but we continue to stay in touch. Whenever he visits the States we get together and he reminds me of the power of the body to heal.

I did develop a right hip/groin/back "issue" that was attended to by my chiropractor with whom I started working with in July and ongoing meditation, ice flushes in the shower, warm Epsom Salt baths and a "visit" from the physiatrist I had when I was recovering from paralytic polio as a child. I remembered how he would have me stretch my back to prevent scoliosis and after feeling his presence in the shower one morning, imagined how I felt with him encouraging my body to heal through his kind words, his touch and his encouraging words.

Once we finished our last long run, 12 miles, simulating race day, I knew that I could go the distance for a threepeat.

Returning to Bermuda with Ruth Anne was magical. The last time we had been on the Island together, I was using a wheelchair at the airport and sporting a toe up leg brace using a cane to gingerly walk from our hotel nor far from the center of Hamilton and back. I cried when we walked down the stairs on the tarmac and there was a wheelchair waiting for another passenger.

There were signs and magic everywhere on the Island.

The first evening we had dinner with Denise and Lanette at The Pickled Onion:


and of course were able to find Denise and Lanette pre-race:


Ruth Anne and I walked the beach together:


We had a sign that God and our dearly departed friend Herb Simmons who introduced us to Bermuda in the late 90's were watching over us at our first breakfast at Windows on the Sound:


Despite many fears leading up to race day about being able to trust my body, and the pain in my right hip/back/groin I knew that I could not give into them. Part of me felt that everybody would have understood if I would have chosen to not start the race BUT how could I miss out on all the fun that I worked so hard to achieve?

When we landed in Bermuda, Ruth Anne was moved to say out loud, "I made it! I'm not in the hospital!" We went through several "close calls" as we navigated outpatient mental health care but having her eye on the prize - getting to Bermuda to run the Half Marathon was potent medicine.

Ruth Anne, Tom and I discovered our strength, our will, our determination, our faith and above all else the power of our Love to train for and cross the finish line of the Bermuda Half Marathon 2018.

The Bermuda Half Marathon changed our life as did every step of every mile that got us to the starting line, through 13.1 miles and to crossing the finish line.





To your health and well being
From my heart to yours,
Mary

Proud to be a part of Friends of Blue Diamond Athletic Displays, Inc.

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


And my latest and greatest book - Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):

Going the Distance: I remember when....

This morning as Tom stood in the doorway of our bathroom and the door was slightly ajar, I said to him, "Watch this!"I got up off the toilet seat without holding on and without him needing to move out of the way so I could neurologically organize to get up off the toilet seat without using the sink to support me!

Three years ago I could not get out of a chair without using a support nor could I get off of a toilet seat without using the sink. I met Dr. Ryan J. Means after a very serious knee injury. I was an injury waiting to happen since I was pushing myself to PR race after race and was not doing any cross training or strength training. I also had not healed a lot of the residuals of paralytic polio and trauma in mind, body and soul. Dr. Ryan suggested exercises for me to do to grow a new gastroc muscle in my left "polio" leg and gave me a regimen of strength training exercises to do. He taught me the proper way to squat using the wall so I could get the neurological proprioception in place and fire up new neuromuscular connections that had been wiped out by polio and that couldn't regenerate because paralytic polio was followed by severe childhood abuse.

He turned me onto the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza. I had been meditating ever since the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome in December of 2006 but combining Dr. Joe's work with the work of Dr. Bernie Siegel and partnering with Dr. Ryan in chiropractic care, I was on a powerful healing path. I realized that my difficulty in standing up was a result of the stuck memory of my father's violence when I tried to stand up or when he'd push me down hard into a chair. How liberating to be able to stand up with strength and courage for myself transforming into the person I was always meant to be.

I had difficulty organizing myself neurologically if there was anything in the line of my vision but not today. I cued myself with "Mind over matter" and stood up with ease.

I remember when I couldn't walk up the stairs in my house without clutching the bannister.

I remember when I didn't have the strength or energy to do grocery shopping and we used Stop and Shop's peapod.

I remember when I needed a leg brace and a cane and whenever I was going to walk for any distance, I needed a wheelchair.

I remember when everything hurt in my body and my muscles and nerves burned all the time.

I remember when I had to drink through a straw and use a chin tuck and dry swallow so I wouldn't aspirate my food.

I remember when I couldn't pass the initial evaluation from my personal trainer that I hired after completing outpatient treatment at Spaulding Rehab.

I remember when I declared I would run the 2009 Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital!

In February of 2007, I wrote poetry to inspire my mind, body and soul to heal. I remember how amazing I felt as I wrote poem after poem after poem imagining myself running free, unencumbered; dancing in the rain without my leg brace despite being in chronic pain and having doctors tell me that if I used it I would lose it.

What a journey this has been healing my life! Once I started to heal my heart and soul from my past, I was able to experience physical changes in my body. I experienced gratitude for my prayers being answered and for the gifts of polio and the violence and trauma I endured. I began to love myself and my life for the very first time in my life. It's a constant work in progress and a journey that I am deeply grateful to experience.

The other day I was at the pool at Boston Sports Club. The pool closed down unexpectedly when Tom and I were about to go for a swim on Sunday. We did the bike instead and I went back on Monday morning to swim. I noticed a woman staying close to the wall gingerly doing exercises. She asked me if she could share my lane just to go up and back. I was inspired to connect with her. She told me her story about when she had an episode of transglobal amnesia and the neurologist in the hospital noticed there was "something off." She went through a battery of tests and was told she had a rare genetic disorder along with osteoarthritis. I told her my story. I told her about my history, and how I ran 3 Bermuda Half Marathons in 3 years. I told her about the work of Bernie and Dr. Joe. She told me that her son is in medical school and he has been doing meditation. "He's really into the mind/body connection. He has been encouraging me to meditate but I just can't seem to "get it". I suggested one of Dr. Joe's videos on Youtube that is only a 17 minute meditation. "That seems so long," she said to me. I told her to just do it. She said that she was going to mention me to her son. The worst that can happen is she can heal. Her eyes filled with tears and hope. As we were getting ready to get out of the pool she said to me, "I just want to be able to walk."

I remember when that was my goal .... and I remember the days I prayed for the things I have now.

My heart overflows with gratitude and I continue to find joy and excitement in the journey of health, wholeness and well being.

To going the distance with strength and courage
From my heart to yours
Mary

Proud to be a part of Friends of Blue Diamond Athletic Displays, Inc.

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


And my latest and greatest book - Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):

Countdown to Bermuda: Visualization and Mental Rehearsal

You can see Team McManus coming into the finish chute at 2:43:17 of the 2016 Bermuda Half Marathon:





Facebook told me that 3 years ago today I was at MRI Shields with my husband for a "date night." The purpose of the MRI was to find out what was going on in my left knee after it "blew up". Of course that was after 9 races in 9 months going for PR after PR and no cross training or strength training and no meditation. While my running tribe cheered me on every mile of the way, I was also surrounded by people who were not supportive of my running in the Post-Polio rehab community. The results of the MRI indicated shredded miniscus, a fatty lipoma, bone spurs, degenerative changes from osteoarthritis, an atrophied gastroc muscle and I can't even remember what else. The recommendation was to stop running or if I did run to cap the distance at 5 miles at most and prepare for a total knee replacement in a few years. Has it been a few years?

I was led to a healer chiropractor Ryan J. Means, DC who in addition to helping me get back to the sport I love, reignited my passion to heal my life from the effects of paralytic polio and trauma. He suggested urged me with a sense of urgency to read "You Are the Placebo" by Dr. Joe Dispenza. He even sent me this photo from a page in Dr. Joe's book while I waited for my book to arrive:


He recommended "Everything You Need to Know to Feel Go(o)d".

He gave me strength training and cross training exercises to augment my running and used every tool available to support my healing. He used KT tape to stimulate healing of my knee and to grow a new gastroc muscle. And even though he now lives in China, his healing imprint continues on my heart and in my life.

I got back on the roads - first with a 5K and then as synchronicity and serendipity would have it, the Bermuda Half Marathon in 2016. We just had to go back for a 2nd time and I learned a lot of lessons both while training and out on the course to ensure a happy race day experience. I was going to take a break from running another half marathon until we received an invitational entry from the Race Director.

Initially I thought it would just be Tom and me training for the 2018 Bermuda Half Marathon but we were so blessed that Ruth Anne could join us for a powerful healing and therapeutic experience on the road to Bermuda.

The day after tomorrow we're leaving on a jet plane. The first time in many years that Ruth Anne and I have been in Bermuda. The last time we were in Bermuda I was in a toe up leg brace and she had to push me around in a wheelchair at the airport. Aside from spending our time packing we are spending a lot of time using visualization and mental rehearsal along with Dr. Joe's meditation, The Blessing of the Energy Centers. As Dr. Joe says rehearse it in your mind until it becomes automatic in your body.

We have the course map marked up with our fueling and hydration plan:


We planned out our activities leading up to race day to ensure adequate rest time. We've exchanged numbers with friends who are going to be a part of International Race Weekend and we'll experience the joy of reunions.

The Bermuda Marathon Race Weekend website tells me it's 2 days and 23 hours until race weekend.

Team McManus is mentally rehearsing and visualizing their success crossing the finish line of Bermuda Half Marathon 2018.

To going the distance with strength and courage!
From my heart to yours,
Mary

Proud to be a part of Friends of Blue Diamond Athletic Displays, Inc.

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


And my latest and greatest book - Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):