Find Your Distance - For Now

This past February at Camp Hyannis, as we affectionately call the annual gathering at the Hyannis Marathon and Half Marathon, as I shared my recent return to running, everyone from Bill Rodgers to my teammates for the 2009 Race for Rehab team suggested that I find my distance.

I am delighted and grateful that I was able to PR the Tufts 10K as I joyfully shared in The Finisher's Clock - Transformation at the Tufts Health Plan 10K for Women. I loved when I ran Seven Sweet Miles.

I loved being able to pour a cup of tea last Saturday.

I know that, for now, I can't do it all.



No one can really.

I need to make compromises and choices. For the first time in my healing journey I have an amazing opportunity to experience peace, stillness, strength and living wholly in my body. Yes that is an intentional play on words. I am reclaiming this sweet, sacred space of my earthly home. But I know that if I continue to train for 10K's or a half that I will not allow my body the opportunity to heal from paralytic polio and violence. I choose to give my body an opportunity to regenerate and gain strength without overtaxing my system.

I will continue to challenge myself in Aquatics Therapy at Spaulding Rehab and work on improving my speed but at a 5K distance. I am sleeping well now; traumatic dreams are gone. I have more energy to get things done at home so Tom and I can spend quality time together. Tom usually does the groceries but last weekend I had enough energy to go to Trader Joe's with him. I run my life as I now run, from the inside out pacing myself and finally being able to enjoy the journey.

For now, it's going to be the 5K distance racing or walking. I have found my distance - for now!


Speaking of a 5K race - I am going the distance to raise money for the Multiple Sclerosis Society Greater New England Chapter on Thanksgiving morning. Please donate what you can to my fund raising page.

The first 7 years of my healing odyssey are chronicled in Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility available on Amazon. I donate 50% of royalty payments to The One Fund Boston to help survivors and their families who were affected by the tragic events of 4/15/13.



I'm working on my 2nd book, "Journey Well," due out later this year:

Every finish line is a starting line

Mary McManus, you just PR'ed the 2014 Tufts 10K..what are you going to do now?



I'm going to Cape Cod to spectate the Cape Cod Marathon, Half Marathon and Relay....

and I have an amazing opportunity to heal as I move forward from my running comeback. Six races since June. Two PR's. My first trail race.

I had all sorts of plans lined up for after I crossed the finish line of Tufts. We planned training runs in Andover with the Merrimack Valley Striders to get ready for the Feaster Five and then I signed us up for the Back the Track Race and Walk with Shalene Flanagan for the Saturday after Thanksgiving. In all fairness I was planning to do the walk not the race but still...

Whoa girl!



I need to be patient with my healing process and allow nature to set my pace.

I could feel how my neuromuscular system was at its limit and needs time to integrate all that I have done before taking on any more challenges. I need to pace myself and let nature take its course so that I can heal, build strength and find ease in my body.

A wonderful opportunity presented itself to me to run the Boston Volvo Village 5K Road Race on Thanksgiving morning for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society New England Chapter. I can train right here in Brighton and fund raise for a cause near and dear to my heart.


We will opt out of the Shalene Flanagan event the Saturday after Thanksgiving and instead I will go for my weekly massage treatment to help my recovery after the Boston Volvo Village 5K race.

I'm delighted to work on pacing at my 5K distance. After the Boston Volvo Village race I will keep a base distance of 5 miles alternating 5K with 5 mile runs and continue to work on speed.

In addition to running, I am on a mission to heal the late effects of paralytic polio and violence. I feel delighted that I trained for and crossed the finish line of the Tufts 10K. I crossed the finish line of my running come back. It's a new starting line as I enter a new phase of my healing journey honoring and accepting limits and aware of infinite possibilities as I adopt the pace of nature.



The first 7 years of my healing odyssey are chronicled in Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility available on Amazon. I donate 50% of royalty payments to The One Fund Boston to help survivors and their families who were affected by the tragic events of 4/15/13.



I'm working on my 2nd book, "Journey Well," due out later this year:

Eighteen Months Later - We ARE Boston Stronger

Tom Grilk's voice filled the air at the start of the Tufts Health Plan for Women 10K saying we are Boston Strong and we do what we always do, we run together. Have a great race everybody.

Eighteen months today since lives were forever changed and we as individuals, as a city and as a global community of runners have had to dig deep and find our strength.

After 25 years, after being diagnosed with severe coronary artery disease, at the age of 60 years old, Dave McGillivrey became an Ironman at the Ironman World Championship triathlon last weekend at Kona. He wore a Boston Strong Team MR8 singlet. He ran for the Martin Richard Foundation After the shootings in Newtown Connecticut in December of 2013, Martin made a sign that said, "No more hurting people. Peace." The photo of him holding that sign became a symbol for how to manage in the wake of the events of April 15, 2013. His family created the Martin Richard Foundation to carry on the spirit of their son to honor Martin’s message of peace by investing in education, athletics and community.



Leo Fonesca is now the CEO of Stephanie's Restaurant Group. Photos of him carrying his close friend to safety wrapped in a blanket are but memories in the background of our lives. He is now a 2014 Boston Marathon finisher. He had never run before taking on the challenge of the 2014 Boston Marathon but he was determined to make it to the finish line for those who couldn't this year. He will be running the New York City Marathon in just a few weeks as part of Team MR8 and has already exceeded his fund raising goal of $5,000.

The call is going out for charity runners to send in their applications for the 2015 Boston Marathon. What a different journey runners will have on the road to next year's marathon no longer counting down the days to or from Boston Marathon 2013. That knot in the stomach we had when we woke up on the 15th day of every month for that first year is gone.

I chose to wear my L Street Running Club t-shirt for the Tufts 10K. On the back it says "We run as one" and has the signature yellow and blue Boston Strong ribbon.



The ladies running Tufts sported Boston Strong attire:



As I passed police officers and State Troopers along the course, I thanked them for their presence and was moved to say Boston Strong as I ran. On some level I sensed the upcoming 18 month anniversary of when our lives changed forever.

Yes - our lives changed forever and we are Boston Stronger. We have learned how to journey well!


The first 7 years of my healing odyssey are chronicled in Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility available on Amazon. I donate 50% of royalty payments to The One Fund Boston to help survivors and their families who were affected by the tragic events of 4/15/13.



I'm working on my 2nd book, "Journey Well," due out later this year:

The Finisher's Clock - Transformation at the Tufts Health Plan 10K for Women

As I came down Charles Street toward the finish I was running on fumes. The tank was empty. I left it all on the roads. The finisher's clock no longer mattered to me. I knew, given my splits, that I had run a fantastic race. I ran from the inside out with strength and fierce determination. Running this race was a victory lap for me after having run 5 previous races since June and training on hills, doing fartleks and tempo runs and cross training with Aquatics Therapy at Spaulding Rehab Hospital. In my weekly mind/body treatments at Sollievo Massage and Bodywork, I healed physical, emotional and Spiritual pain from the past that weighed me down. The most challenging part of training was the 5 days leading up to race day. Taper madness set in and I just wanted to get out there and run my race. I knew how important those days of rest were for me and yesterday, they paid off in dividends. On Sunday, it was Tom's turn to run the third leg of his Distance Medley. I felt frustrated and sad that I couldn't physically be there with him. If I would have been his support crew in person on Sunday, I would not have had enough energy to run my race on Monday. The power of Spirit can be far greater than being physically present with someone as I would learn on Sunday and during my race.

Our bibs side by side:


and my Tufts T Shirt:


Tom had his eye on a PR. As I tracked him and followed the Boston Athletic Association Page on Facebook, I felt as though I were with him at the race. I could feel we had a powerful connection. I knew he was running the race for me and for us. He had a spectacular PR taking 6 minutes and 15 seconds off of his BAA Half Marathon from last year. He finished in the top ten of his age group overall for the Distance Medley. I was his support crew and social media maven on Sunday and then on Monday it was his turn to be my support crew.

Monday morning gave a whole new meaning to pre-race jitters. I felt nauseous and dizzy. It's called taper madness for a reason. Thoughts of I don't have to run this race, I have nothing to prove, I can't do this went head to head with incredible excitement and seeing myself cross that finish line with a PR. Tom was with me, listening to my ramblings and reminding me that I had this. Getting to the starting line was a victory for me and the race was my victory lap. They changed the place of the start of the race and we had to line up at 11:30 seeding ourselves based on our estimated finishing times. Fortunately I was blessed to hear my name called out and there was Ilene Fabisch, a friend of my dear friend Gail Martin who introduced us on Facebook. We met in person at the Spectacle Island Run. We hugged tightly; laughed how today's weather was so much better for running that two weeks ago and grabbed a photo op:


We wished each other a wonderful race. I felt how excited she was for me for this race and the goal I set. Although Gail was not physically present, I could feel her presence with us. Gail had sent me a message on Facebook, "You've got this PR in your pocket." I carried that message with me.

Tom was my rock in the days and moments leading up to gun time. We worked together and as individuals in our meditation time to prepare us for the races we were about to undertake. He could see my nerves kicking in with this new race start and said he wanted to take some photos of me. I decided to leave all those beliefs and let go and enjoy myself. It was time to feel my strength and get some attitude.



The air horn went off. As I turned the corner to the start on Beacon Street I started running. I thought wait don't run until you cross the starting line but the adrenaline had already kicked in. By the time Tom caught up with me as we were getting ready to go over the Mass Ave Bridge, he told me that I was crushing it. I heard this voice in my head that said, "Find your race pace. Find your race pace. And just stay with it."

I wasn't planning to look at the mile split times but something inside of me told me to. I felt Gail pacing me and echoes of "You've got this PR in your pocket" called to me.

Mile 1: 18:21. I knew that was gun time and it must have taken me at least three minutes to cross the starting line. I was on pace for a PR but there were 5.2 miles to go. Tom ran with me over the Mass Ave Bridge and waited on the corner for me to return cheering on other runners with his cowbell. It took 3 1/2 minutes for me to cross the starting line so I was at a sub-15 minute mile for the first mile.

I walked through each water stop but never stopped. I made sure to hydrate with a few sips of each water at each stop and I also had my own hydration as a supplement which served me well when I needed to have a piece of Luna bar during the race.

Mile 2: 33:00 Another sub 15-minute mile. I continued to run from the inside out. I realized that I was no longer running behind the pack but I was running with the pack. The words, "Journey well" that Joseph spoke to me before Boston Marathon Weekend echoed in my ears. I felt the imprints of all the work we have done together and the love from Rose and Laura, owners of Sollievo. We had set the intention for today's race last week and used the imagery of Seabiscuit. Whenever I felt my mind begin to wander, I reminded myself to keep my blinders on. Don't look ahead and don't look back. Don't worry about anyone else's race. Run your own race.

From my poem, 'Running the Race' that I wrote in February of 2007

The chains are gone and possibilities abound
I'm a tree with my roots planted firmly in ground.
I'm now off the sidelines, no need to sit and whine
So much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine.
After all these years I can join the loving human race
I exceed all expectations and now I set the pace.

Mile 3: 48:10 Okay Mary, almost to the halfway mark and you're on pace. I checked in with myself to see how I was feeling. I felt great. Alain Ferry from RaceMenu told me that he would be cheering me on from Memorial Drive. Although I did not see him, his presence was palpable. I drew from all the love and support he has given to me since I first met him at the Heartbreak Hill Half Marathon Expo. I could feel his hug at the Spectacle Island run and him willing me to a PR during the final stretch of the Bill Rodgers 5K Race to Benefit Prostate Cancer. Dr. Moskowitz and Miss Holly, my physiatrist and physical therapist who helped me to learn how to walk after contracting paralytic polio were with me as I began the uphill climb on Memorial Drive before the turnaround point.

Mile 4: 1:05 I didn't calculate the split time because quite frankly I couldn't do the math in my head. Instead I thought ahead to feeling the PR within my grasp with 2.2 miles to go. I wasn't going to change a thing regardless of the time. I was running as fast I could, pacing myself with water stops each mile, until I crossed the finish line.

Seeing Tom cheer on all of the runners in the distance as I approached the Mass Ave Bridge made me smile. He ran back over the bridge with me. I told him that I thought a PR was in my grasp but I was going to continue running from the inside out. I told him I didn't see Alain but I felt his presence especially during that uphill climb after the Hyatt Regency Hotel. I was focused not only on my PR but on the magnificent scene of the Charles River and the skyline of Boston. Fortunately the sun had not come out so there was no sun glistening on the Charles River as I had visualized. The cooler weather made it a perfect day to run. No traffic going over the bridge. The road was mine. This race was mine. This life is mine. Gratitude filled my heart with the opportunity to experience the moment.

As we approached Mile 5, I told Tom my last split was 1:05. He said, "Oh my God Mary. The clock says 1:20. You just ran a 15 minute mile after being out here for 5 miles. How are you doing? Are you okay?" We walked through the famous just after mile 5 water stop with men from the Most Informal Running Club Ever wearing tuxedoes and suits. I could feel my energy beginning to wane and had the second half of my Luna Bar. "Maybe you should take it down a notch until we get to the next corner," Tom lovingly said to me. I slowed down long enough to chew my Luna Bar and wash it down with water and then...

Something happened inside of me and I felt this sense of fierce determination surge through me. We passed a woman who was struggling. I told her she had this. She said she was going to drop out at mile 4 but the song, "Dream On" came on. "I'm a survivor of paralytic polio and I'm going for a PR from my time in 2010," I told her. "God bless you," she said. "So if I can do this...so can you." "You were just the inspiration I needed at this moment. Thank you. And good luck," I heard her say as I surged in front of her.

The volunteers cheered me on letting me know that the finish was on sight. "Just turn the corner and you'll see the finish!."

I was all alone now to finish this race. Tom had taken a shortcut to meet me at the finish.

There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to finish but there was nothing left in the tank - or so I thought.

"Mary!"

Jess Lanzoni was about 100 feet in front of the first finisher's mat. Even though I wasn't wearing my glasses, I knew it was her. She snapped this photo of me and posted it to Facebook Mary McManus, Bringing it home strong with a heart.


Another one of my friend's commented on the photo, "Go Mary!"

I felt a little pick up in my energy. Part of me was saying, "You're going to finish Mary and don't worry about the finisher's clock." Another part of me wanted to dig deep and get it done but my legs were really tired. At that moment I hear two screams, "L Streeet!". I looked over and one of the women picked up her pullover and revealed her L Street shirt pointing to it with enthusiasm. The L Street shirt I was wearing had a "We One as Run" and "Boston Strong" ribbon on the back. We sure do and we sure are. I didn't know who they were at the time but thanks to Facebook, the mystery was quickly solved.

Between Jess's loving presence and my L Street ladies screaming at me, I found more in the tank and sprinted to the finish. When I hit the finisher's mat the finisher's clock said 1:39:08. My last 1.2 mile split was a 15:40 pace! I knew I must have PR'ed it and thought I would have to wait to see the results but I received this text shortly after crossing the finish line (my goal time was 1:35:35):



I threw my arms up in triumph, in jubilation


and as a woman transformed after March 4, 2011 and all that followed in the wake of my nephew's suicide. It feels wonderful to be back in my body, to be running - to be racing again and pushing myself to the edge. I transcended all of the pre-race chatter that comes with taper madness, and the challenge to move beyond, having the courage to transform. I may have been alone as I ran the final stretch to the finish line but I had helpers seen and unseen to accompany me on that final leg of my running comeback. It's great to be back and to be able to journey well.



The first 7 years of my healing odyssey are chronicled in Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility available on Amazon. I donate 50% of royalty payments to The One Fund Boston to help survivors and their families who were affected by the tragic events of 4/15/13.



I'm working on my 2nd book, "Journey Well," due out later this year:

Countdown to Tufts - Bib Pick Up - Boston You're My Home

Two more days until I take my place at the start of the Tufts Health Plan 10K for Women. It's getting close. Nothing more to do but rest, fuel, visualize, meditate, cheer on my friends in cyberspace who are running their races this weekend, and let go of any outcomes other than to have a great day.

Today was bib pick up at City Sports in Copley Square. We are a city that runs together, is strong and resilient and beautiful in its structure and people. Today I saw my hometown through the eyes of a tourist seeing its beauty for the first time. I felt like a tourist snapping photos of our beautiful city on a perfect Fall New England Day. I paused to reflect and remember how far I and the City of Boston have come in this past year and a half. Friends are posting their fund raising pages on Facebook for the 2015 Boston Marathon. What a difference a year makes! I felt a sense of deep appreciation in my heart and soul for my home and for our courage and strength as a City and as individuals as we move forward and journey well.



It's great to be racing a 10K distance again running through the streets of Back Bay and finishing the race near Beacon Hill. I know I am surrounded by so much love and support that will carry me from the starting line to the finish line running like a champion. I will start strong and finish stronger!

And to all of my friends racing this weekend...

Ode to Us - The Racers
From Beantown to Chitown and towns along the way
to Kona for Ironman so many friends will have their day.
For racing, for PR's for BQ's or just for fun
remember no matter where we finish - we're all number one.
Wishing us a personal best and meeting the challenge with grace
no matter the time that reads on the clock, we have won our personal race.
By digging deep and running strong and finding the courage to start
we learn what we're really made of in our soul and in our heart.
So here's to us - the racers - let's go out there be Boston Strong
the hay is now in the proverbial barn - we've tapered now run long.
Be well, God speed, run happy, dig deep - enjoy the journey each step you take
here's to a wonderful weekend as wonderful memories we'll make.



The first 7 years of my healing odyssey are chronicled in Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility available on Amazon. I donate 50% of royalty payments to The One Fund Boston to help survivors and their families who were affected by the tragic events of 4/15/13.



I'm working on my 2nd book, "Journey Well," due out later this year:

With Gratitude to J Alain Ferry - I Leave My Doubts at the Starting Line

I'm nervous. I'm excited. I just want Monday to arrive yet I want to savor every moment leading up to race day. Friday is t-shirt and bib pick up at City Sports for the Tufts Health Plan 10K for Women. I'll have a lunch date after bib pick up with Tom. I just want to cross the starting line. I just want to cross the finish line hearing the cheers from Tom and my running family. I want to experience every foot strike of the 6.2 miles on the Tufts 10K course. I want to run smart from the inside out and I would like to see my finish time better than 1:36:09 which was my finish time the last time I ran Tufts in 2010, "body and conditions willing" as my friend Gail Martin likes to say.

As I countdown to Tufts feeling all of the emotions that one feels leading up to a big race day, I have to express my heartfelt gratitude to J Alain Ferry of RaceMenu. I put in training runs, raced, put the time in the pool with Aquatics Therapy at Spaulding Rehab and continue now with mental and Spiritual preparation for Monday, but thanks to the overwhelming support, unconditional love and encouragement of Alain and his races, in addition to feeling nervous, excited and all the rest, I feel strong and confident going into Monday's race.

"Are you J Alain Ferry?" I asked Alain well into our volunteer shift together at the Heartbreak Hill Half Marathon Weekend and Festival.

"Yes. That would be me," he replied.

Alain was the driving force behind the #onerun on May 25, 2013 which marked the beginning of my running comeback:



We talked about what the #onerun meant to me, to Alain and to the city of Boston. He reminded me that he was the one who pulled out his bib from his pocket and said that we have a race to finish during the pre-race ceremony on that chilly, rainy morning in May where the weather could not dampen the spirits of everyone present.

As I ran the #onerun, I remembered why I ran the 2009 Boston Marathon and why I run. I knew in every fiber of my being I had to get back to running and the running community. I reached out and added my running friends on Facebook who were eager to reconnect and I weeded out the people I had brought into my circle who were not living Truth.

Alain handed me postcards to share with my running groups for the inaugural Bill Rodgers 5K Race to benefit Prostate Cancer.

"All ages and all abilities?" I inquired. "Absolutely," was Alain's reply.

"Oh and I'm also the race director for the Spectacle Island Run," Alain told me.

"My friend Elizabeth told me about that but she left Boston.com and I wasn't planning on running it. It's all ages and all abilities, right?"

"Absolutely. She is going to try to come back for race day so you definitely have to do it."

I registered that evening for the Bill Rodgers 5K and Spectacle Island races.

I was planning to run one race in June, my Corrib Pub 5K that was my very first 5K road race ever in 2008 and then train alone for Tufts. I was going to find women at my pace who I could run with at Tufts. But life has a way of redirecting us to where we need to be. Instead, I decided to run Tufts alone and ended up running 5 races between June and today. Each one has treasured memories and a special place in my heart but Alain's races took me to new places in my running comeback.

As a race director he has thousands and thousands of details to attend to before a race. I didn't even know I was on his radar before the Bill Rodgers 5K but he was reading my blogs and was there to cheer me on to a strong finish nailing my PR for the day. He told me it was a very special moment for him as a race director to see me with tears in my eyes digging so deep for that final stretch to the finish. When I crossed that finish line I reclaimed the runner within me. What a blessing to have the love and support of WCVB's Phil Lipof in a special post race ceremony surprise after Alain shared my inspirational story with him:



I panicked before the Spectacle Island Run after seeing the course maps. Alain responded to my Facebook posts and took the time to respond to my emails. I was almost ready to bail on the race but he told me I was ready and I was going to crush it. And crush it I did by persevering through hills and heat!





I'll be carrying Alain's love and support with me as I run the Tufts 10K on Monday. My body now knows how it feels to race again and to nail a PR. And while I feel nervous and excited, I feel strong and confident. With deepest gratitude to J Alain Ferry, I leave my doubts at the starting line.






The first 7 years of my healing odyssey are chronicled in Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility available on Amazon. I donate 50% of royalty payments to The One Fund Boston to help survivors and their families who were affected by the tragic events of 4/15/13.



I'm working on my 2nd book, "Journey Well," due out later this year:

Transformation Tuesday - The Answer is Running

Eight years ago I had to wear a short leg brace and used a wheelchair at times for mobility.



It was a scary time in my life as my mind, body and Spirit seemed to be withering away. Yet there was a part of me that would not quit and that has not quit over and over and over again. When I got still and asked for Divine Guidance, the answer came back ... running ... a poem about Running the Race.

Here I am in December of 2007 three months after starting work with a personal trainer. I still didn't know why I wrote that poem about running a race and in my mind, focusing on a 10K race...



But in February of 2008, when my personal trainer asked me what my next goals were the answer became clear {from my memoir, "Coming Home:A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility" available on Amazon with 50% of royalty payments being donated to The One Fund}:

At my six-month evaluation in February, I had dramatically improved in every area of the assessment. I had come out of my leg brace and I knew that I was on a healing path. Janine asked me what my next health and fitness goals were.
“Well I want to feel free in my body. I want to dance. I want to be able to walk outside and feel unencumbered when I take a walk.”

Janine wrote feverishly and we worked out a plan. She gathered up her belongings and had her hand on the door knob.

“Wait. I have one more goal.”

Janine stopped and turned around.

“I want to run the Boston Marathon for Spaulding Rehab Hospital. I know they have a Race for Rehab team and I want to do it next year.”

Janine was non-plussed. I don’t know what kept her from turning tail and getting as far away from me as she could. She came back into my house and put down her things. She said that the first thing I would need is a pair of running shoes. She told me that Marathon Sports on Beacon Street would be able to help me. She laid out a cursory training plan and said that we would begin indoors to build up my cardio endurance. As soon as the weather got a little warmer, we’d go outdoors and I would learn how to run.

What had I just done?

Don't Walk -- Run article in the Brookline Tab featuring my first steps on the road to the 2009 Boston Marathon:



Celebrating after my first road race in June 2008, The Corrib Pub 5K Road Race:


I was ready to give up the idea that I would ever be a runner during the hot and humid Marathon Sports 5 Miler in July of 2008 but Tom and my Marathon Sports Family would not let me quit:


My first 10K was the 2008 Tufts Health Plan 10K for Women:


Then it came time to test my mettle and commitment to my journey of transformation as the winter of 2008/2009 brought wind chills and snow storms. I would be undeterred at the Tough Ten Mile Turkey Trot and the Hyannis Half:


When you know Bill Rodgers and Frank Shorter are cheering for you, it does make the journey so much sweeter.

The aches, the pains, the blisters; training in the freezing cold and when we couldn't, going 117 times around the BU track was all worth it when I crossed the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and received my medal:


And then I forgot the answer is running and took a detour as I write about in my next book, "Journey Well"


I can't look back at the detours or kick myself for not keeping up with my running. I remember the day I was at South Boston Yoga for a “bodywork session” after having run a 5K sponsored by the Rotary in New Hampshire. It was a very hilly course. The mind games had already begun as he preyed on my vulnerability.

“What did you do to your quad muscles?” he asked me.

“I ran a 5K race,” I told him.

He mocked me with a laugh and proclaimed, “You don’t have to beat yourself up by running. It’s not good for you. All you need to do is practice yoga.”

“I can’t practice yoga here with you.” {Oh if only I listened to myself and the truths I spoke and felt at first blush}. I was referencing the fact that he was the head of his studio, an experienced yogi and well I didn’t belong in a class with a “yogi of his caliber.”

That’s all he needed to hear.

“We are having live cello music this Sunday,” he said seductively as I was paying him for the session.

“Well we are going on a run Sunday morning,” I replied.

“If you’d rather go on a run than come experience my class”….he said coyly.

“Oh no, I’ll be there,” I said….

It was the only choice available to me at the time. I was hurting mind, body and Spirit. I wanted to belong. I didn’t trust in my own power and ability to heal. I believed that if somehow I could shed my polio body from the outside in, I could stop hurting.

Running the 2009 Boston Marathon transformed me mind, body and Spirit. There was no way I could not return to the sport and community that were at the center of my journey of healing and transformation. That voice inside of me that knew all along that the answer is running could not be silenced. On Monday, as I cross the starting line of the Tufts Health Plan 10K for Women, the answer will once again ring loud and true.