Finding My Own Strength and Reflections on Solitude

I was so blessed to discover the Spaulding Rehab Aquatics Therapy Program in August of 2013. I went faithfully on Tuesdays and Wednesdays finding my strength in the healing waters of the heated pool. I met some wonderful, inspiring people during classes and I know that I inspired many with whom I crossed paths. My husband Tom started work in Charlestown at MGH in January of 2014. We'd commute together on Tuesday morning and Wednesday afternoon. We are so fortunate that he is now working at Boston College, a mere 40 minute commute from coat on to coat off, as Tom timed it.

Last week I commuted alone to and from my classes at Spaulding. I was exhausted. I also realized that the conversations happening during class and the energy of the class were no longer inspiring me. The people who attend the class are lovely and each on their own journey but I knew there was a change happening within me and I needed to make a change.

Interestingly enough, yesterday's morning class was cancelled.

I had done my research about the Brookline Town Pool and yesterday I went during open swim.

I did the exercises that we had been doing in class and then I got still and listened to what my body wanted and needed to do. I was all alone in the lesson pool which is heated to 80-85 degrees using a noodle and a kick board building quad and core strength and thoroughly enjoying the freedom and the solitude figuring out what would best serve ME. Without the distraction of talking with other people, I could use the time in the pool as a moving meditation. I realize what a huge shift it is for me to not put out energy to take care of others; to try to bring them over to the "light" and experience the power of infinite possibilities but rather live by example sharing my journey in my blog.

It was definitely time for me to find my own strength, building on the base that Spaulding gave me. While I love running with others and enjoy the camarderie of a group workout, there is a lot to be said for the benefits of solitude. I'm never alone. There are angels all around me and I embrace the joy of what I discover when I experience solitude.

I'm doing more on land workouts under the guidance of Dr. Ryan at Elevate Health Cambridge.

I'm feeling strong and today, under the guidance of Dr. Joseph Stetz an angel who I know is watching over me, I am going to do laps.

My hope is to return to running 3 days/week. I visualize the healing of my knees. This morning I did 3, 40/20 intervals of holding plank and then doing crunches followed by upper body strength training, icing and stretching. For right now, I'll stick to two days of running, two days of pool cross training, and one day of circuit strength training on land.

The Town pool is a 10 minute car drive away and I pay $45 as a senior for 16 swims. As I get older, I realize how important it is for me to discern how I spend my time, talent and treasures.

I am deeply grateful for the time I spent and all I learned at Spaulding.

I no longer embody being a survivor of paralytic polio. I contracted polio at the age of 5 and had my fair share of challenges but that's all it was and is. I no longer believe that I live with the late effects of paralytic polio. My laser focus is on finding my own strength and living as well as I possibly can for as long as I am meant to be in this form.

Journey well!

My latest book, "Journey Well" is now available on Amazon along with all of my inspirational books. 50% of book proceeds are donated to the Massachusetts Resiliency Center, a safe, welcoming space for survivors of the Boston Marathon bombing to heal and stay in touch with one another; a virtual hub for a widely dispersed community whose lives have been impacted by the tragic events of April 15th and the events that followed.

When terror struck the world's oldest and most beloved marathon on April 15, 2013, it was a defining moment in Mary McManus’ life and the lives of all those in Boston and around the world. It was her wake up call to return to the sport and community that have been medicine and a lifeline for her throughout her marathon of healing the late effects of paralytic polio and experiencing 9 years of domestic violence as a child and adolescent. Mary captures the essence of Boston Strong through her experience of the 2014 Boston Marathon and as she profiles the people who are Boston Stronger. Through her blog posts, poems and journal entries woven together with excerpts from her memoir, “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility,” you will experience, through one woman’s journey of transformation and healing, that no matter what happens to us, we can all learn to journey well.

You can do it! - What does your self-talk sound like? Astound yourself with the possibilities...

The other day I wrote a post about "Change the Channel" as I could feel the weight of a grey cloud of thoughts draining my energy. The other day, during my morning meditation, I could feel those cloudy thoughts return and then a shift happened. I remembered a delicious feeling of wholeness at the end of my treatment a week ago with Joseph at Sollievo Massage and Bodywork. I felt grounded and felt my deep connection to something far greater than me yet that is right inside of me. I could clear out the energy of vigilance, violence and fear that once dulled my senses and robs me of experiencing the sweet sensations that life offers us. I savored the sensation of my husband's brewing coffee, the birds singing outside and the gift of sunlight streaming though my window.

I used to be filled with doubts and fears. While I would forge ahead with whatever endeavor I was pursuing at the time, the fears and negative self-talk would be like an anchor weighing me down in mind, body and Spirit. I'm retraining my mind and my body or as I prefer to say my mind/body.

I meditate at least twice a day. It's a time for creating awareness to explore what keeps me from my joy, my love, feeling a sense of comfort, peace and ease and moving that out of the way so that I can delight in being alive. In feeling that wholeness of self, I was able to keep at bay thoughts about people and situations that were creating suffering. As those thoughts move out, a river of joy and the essence of my life force can flow creating a beautiful path in the landscape of my life.

Dr. Ryan Means,DC or Dr. Ryan as he prefers to be called of Elevate Health Cambridge suggested I practice squats at the wall after showing me the proper form for a squat and explaining the biomechanics of a squat to me. I would rely on the bathroom sink to assist me in getting off of the toilet seat. One day I decided to tell myself that I had the strength and the balance to just stand up. I stopped using so much effort and told myself I can choose ease and make this a very natural experience for myself. And voila - it happened! I have to continue to practice ease and remind myself that I can do this. Sometimes in the early morning when I am not yet charged or in the evening when I'm tired, I find myself wanting to revert to my old habit. I can feel a lapse in my brain so I pause and give it a gentle encouraging nudge. I remind myself that I have a new way of doing this; I don't over think it and I allow it to happen.

And if for whatever reason, it didn't happen on a particular day, it's okay. The important thing is that I not fall prey to feeling like a victim in response to the circumstances that happened to me. It's also important to not quit before the miracle happens.

And speaking of miracles ... Yestterday I ran 2.25 miles at a 17 min/mile pace with elevation and no knee pain!

It takes time, patience and faith to walk a healing path; to have the courage to move out of hold habits of thinking, of moving and of Being.

The more I believe in my mind/body's ability to change and to heal, to return to its natural state of goodness, of experiencing joy and pleasurable sensations the more I become that change. By challenging my mind/body while making sure that I am being mindful to pace myself and ensure that I am taking calculated risks (such as not holding onto the bannister as I walk up or down stairs); increasing my miles and pace slowly after my recent knee injury and training smarter not harder, I am moving forward feeling strength, comfort and ease astounding myself with the possibilities!

Journey well!

My latest book, "Journey Well" is now available on Amazon along with all of my inspirational books. 50% of book proceeds are donated to the Massachusetts Resiliency Center, a safe, welcoming space for survivors of the Boston Marathon bombing to heal and stay in touch with one another; a virtual hub for a widely dispersed community whose lives have been impacted by the tragic events of April 15th and the events that followed.

When terror struck the world's oldest and most beloved marathon on April 15, 2013, it was a defining moment in Mary McManus’ life and the lives of all those in Boston and around the world. It was her wake up call to return to the sport and community that have been medicine and a lifeline for her throughout her marathon of healing the late effects of paralytic polio and experiencing 9 years of domestic violence as a child and adolescent. Mary captures the essence of Boston Strong through her experience of the 2014 Boston Marathon and as she profiles the people who are Boston Stronger. Through her blog posts, poems and journal entries woven together with excerpts from her memoir, “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility,” you will experience, through one woman’s journey of transformation and healing, that no matter what happens to us, we can all learn to journey well.

While in my mind I focused on...

All of my training is completed for the Tufts Health Plan for Women 10K. I have one more Aquatics Therapy session Tuesday morning at Spaulding Rehab. I'll do 5K walks on Monday and Wednesday, and look forward to a wonderful massage treatment on Thursday at Sollievo Massage and Bodywork.

The physical part of my training is complete. The hay is in the barn as they say. It's time to work on my mental preparation for Monday's race.

Running the Race February 2007

Early summer 1959 my kindergarten year
everyone around me filled with nervous fear
despite the Salk vaccine hope polio would disappear
the polio virus crept right up and knocked me in the rear.

Dancing all around the gym feeling free just like a bird
I dropped to the ground just like a stone and no one said a word.
The pain it was so searing-the diagnosis even worse
"It's polio" the doctor said...he was abrupt and terse.

Called one of the 'lucky ones' I had a 'mild case'
but with the other athletes I could never keep their pace.
Miss Holly physical therapist, curly hair and a warm, broad smile
it tempered the pain of being apart - to walk I'd take awhile.

I always wore those 'special' shoes
the kids they poked and teased
With no support and much abuse
with childhood I wasn't pleased.

But put nose to the grindstone and learned all that I could
I couldn't kick a ball but my grades were always good.
Years went by and no more thought to polio did I give
I accepted the limp and everything else
and decided my life I would live.

But symptoms of weakness and muscle pain did grow
I kept a stoic face hoping no one else would know.
Life no longer was my own I struggled through each day
suffered in silence, isolated from friends-trying to keep depression at bay.

And with the grace of glorious God
my world it opened wide
I discovered there was a Post Polio team and they were on my side.

Sought out paths for healing and my spirit flew free
for the first time in life, I could truly be me.
The chains are gone and possibilities abound
I'm a tree with my roots planted firmly in ground.

Using wheelchair to travel, set limits on what I could do,
resulted in joy to realize I could live life anew.
Celebrated my body- creaks, groans and need for a brace
while in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race.

I'm now off the sidelines, no need to sit and whine
so much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine.
After all these years I can join the loving human race
I exceed all expectations and now I set the pace.

In October of 2008 I did in fact run a 10K race - The Tufts Health Plan 10K for Women. The last time I ran Tufts was in 2010.

As Thoreau so wisely said, we have to think over and over again the kind of thoughts we want to dominate our lives. The themes for this week's meditation are Peace and Equanimity. Protection and Safety. Ease and Lightness. Joy, Gladness and Gratitude for all that is in my life now and all I am able to do.

I notice when thoughts and feelings from the past arise but I don't dwell there. I take my focus and attention toward what I want to experience on race day while Being present in the days leading up to next Monday's milestone in my running comeback since my beloved nephew's suicide in March of 2011. My physical training is complete. The focus now is on my mental training...and in my mind I focus on an exceptional experience one week from tomorrow as I take my place at the starting line of the Tufts 10K.




The first 7 years of my healing odyssey are chronicled in Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility available on Amazon. I donate 50% of royalty payments to The One Fund Boston to help survivors and their families who were affected by the tragic events of 4/15/13.



I'm working on my 2nd book, "Journey Well," due out later this year: