I'm Now Off the Sidelines - On Creativity, the Power of Imagination and Healing

As I sat in a leg brace, using a wheelchair at times for mobility and contemplated a rather grim and uncertain future after receiving the diagnosis of post polio syndrome, a "progressive neuromuscular disease" in December of 2006, I knew that I was at a crossroads in my life.

It was a cold, dark February day and I was in the dark night of my mind, body and soul. I got still. Surrounded by print outs from Bernie Siegel, Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins and Lisa Nichols on my dining room table, the words from a Lisa Nichols newsletter jumped out at me, "I am so happy and grateful now that I can create...." I don't even remember the end of the sentence...create ... "create what?" I pondered. I'd been told my social work career must come to an end if I had any hope of stabilizing my functioning where it was. I was post menopausal so I wasn't going to create another baby.

And then seemingly out of nowhere I wrote the poem:

Running the Race
Early summer 1959 my kindergarten year
everyone around me filled with nervous fear
despite the Salk vaccine hope polio would disappear
the polio virus crept right up and knocked me in the rear.

Dancing all around the gym feeling free just like a bird
I dropped to the ground just like a stone and no one said a word.
The pain it was so searing-the diagnosis even worse
"It's polio" the doctor said...he was abrupt and terse.

Called one of the 'lucky ones' I had a 'mild case'
but with the other athletes I could never keep their pace.
Miss Holly physical therapist, curly hair and a warm, broad smile
it tempered the pain of being apart - to walk I'd take awhile.

I always wore those 'special' shoes the kids they poked and teased
With no support and much abuse with childhood I wasn't pleased.
But put nose to the grindstone and learned all that I could
I couldn't kick a ball but my grades were always good.

Years went by and no more thought to polio did I give
I accepted the limp and everything else and decided my life I would live.
But symptoms of weakness and muscle pain did grow
I kept a stoic face hoping no one else would know.

Life no longer was my own I struggled through each day
Suffered in silence, isolated from friends- trying to keep depression at bay.
And with the grace of glorious God my world it opened wide
I discovered there was a Post Polio team and they were on my side.

Using wheelchair to travel, set limits on what I could do,
resulted in joy to realize I could live life anew.
Celebrated my body- creaks, groans and need for a brace
While in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race.

Sought out paths for healing and my spirit flew free
for the first time in life, I could truly be me.
The chains are gone and possibilities abound
I'm a tree with my roots planted firmly in ground.

I'm now off the sidelines, no need to sit and whine
So much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine.
After all these years I can join the loving human race
I exceed all expectations and now I set the pace.

It was in the cadence of Dr. Seuss. My physical therapist, Miss Holly, read Dr. Seuss to me before every excruciatingly painful physical therapy session after I contracted paralytic polio and then while she was coaxing my muscles and nerves back to health, would have me recite it in tandem with her. I foreshadowed my 2009 Boston Marathon run with that poem.

From Dr. Joe Dispenza:



Poetry began pouring out of me at warped speed. I imagined myself healthy, whole and free. I wrote and I wrote and I wrote fueling my journey on the road to the 2009 Boston Marathon and during these past several years conjuring up in my imagination reclaiming my life and running unencumbered and free. I wrote about reclaiming the land from the invaders, those who foisted sexual, mental and physical abuse on me. I would stop and start on my healing journey. I believed and then I struggled with my power of belief in my conscious mind but when I wrote poetry I tapped into that part of me that wanted healing more than anything I've ever wanted in my life.

You can experience the best of my poetry during these past 9 years in "Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life," available on Amazon.

I would meet Dr. Ryan, a chiropractor healer who reminded me that I can set goals not limits and turned me onto the work of Dr. Joe and all the teachers in What the bleep do we know? including the wonderful work of Dr. Candace Pert.

But it all began with me and feeling the creative urge within me to create a life different than the one doctors and therapists were predicting for me. I harnessed the power of my imagination and conjured up Dr. Ryan to partner with me to go the distance on my healing journey.

It is thrilling and a relief to now be able to have confidence in my body, to feel strength and to build strength; to have a training plan and enjoy the journey although as with any journey it is not always easy. It's a miracle that at last I am now off the sidelines celebrating my accomplishments with all the other runners after a race. While at times, the journey is not easy, the rewards are magnificent as I'll write more about in tomorrow's post, "Climb That Mountain."

To your health and wellness
Mary

Countdown to Bermuda: Running the Race - I'm Now Off the Sidelines

Nine years ago on a cold dark February day as I experienced my mind, body and Spirit crying out for healing in the guise of post polio syndrome, "a progressive neuromuscular disease," I got still and asked for Divine Guidance. I was told to prepare to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair; that the "best" we could hope for was to stabilize my functioning where it was.

The answer to my prayer came in the form of a poem in the cadence of Dr. Seuss; a throw back to when my physical therapist Miss Holly read Dr. Seuss to me before every painful physical therapy session after contracting paralytic polio and had me recite the lines in tandem with her as she coaxed my muscles and nerves to function again.

From my memoir, "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility," available on Amazon




And then I felt a stirring in my second chakra (only then I didn’t know it was my second chakra – I thought it might have been something I ate). I went over to my laptop in the corner of the living room and I wrote this poem foreshadowing my 2009 Boston Marathon run:

Running the Race
Early summer 1959 my kindergarten year
Everyone around me filled with nervous fear
Despite the Salk vaccine hope polio would disappear
The polio virus crept right up and knocked me in the rear.

Dancing all around the gym feeling free just like a bird
I dropped to the ground just like a stone and no one said a word.
The pain it was so searing-the diagnosis even worse
"It's polio" the doctor said...he was abrupt and terse.

Called one of the 'lucky ones' I had a 'mild case'
But with the other athletes I could never keep their pace.
Miss Holly physical therapist, curly hair and a warm, broad smile
It tempered the pain of being apart - to walk I'd take awhile.

I always wore those 'special' shoes the kids they poked and teased
With no support and much abuse with childhood I wasn't pleased.
But put nose to the grindstone and learned all that I could
I couldn't kick a ball but my grades were always good.

Years went by and no more thought to polio did I give
I accepted the limp and everything else and decided my life I would live.
But symptoms of weakness and muscle pain did grow
I kept a stoic face hoping no one else would know.

Life no longer was my own I struggled through each day
Suffered in silence, isolated from friends- trying to keep depression at bay.
And with the grace of glorious God my world it opened wide
I discovered there was a Post Polio team and they were on my side.

Using wheelchair to travel, set limits on what I could do,
Resulted in joy to realize I could live life anew.
Celebrated my body- creaks, groans and need for a brace
While in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race.

Sought out paths for healing and my spirit flew free
For the first time in life, I could truly be me.
The chains are gone and possibilities abound
I'm a tree with my roots planted firmly in ground.

I'm now off the sidelines, no need to sit and whine
So much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine.
After all these years I can join the loving human race
I exceed all expectations and now I set the pace.

Nine years ago I was sidelined facing a rather grim and uncertain future according to Western medical science with the diagnosis of post polio syndrome and it's been an incredible healing odyssey. One year ago I was on the sidelines with a knee injury the result of not cross training, not taking enough rest and recovery time between races and working with a massage therapist who not only did not know how work with a runner but went on to set the intention of "Right now your right leg is leading the dance and I'm waiting for your left leg to speak to me." I'm so grateful for the knee injury and all that I learned from working with that massage therapist because it led me to this moment now in my life! I am off the sidelines and right smack in the middle of my glorious life!

One week from today I board a plane for Bermuda; my first trip in 8 years and instead of a wheelchair waiting for me on the tarmac, wearing these shoes that I wore the last time I was in Bermuda:



I'll be bounding down the stairs in my Altra running shoes

enjoying the countdown to when Team McManus toes the starting line of the Bermuda Half Marathon.

Feel the Heal: Where It All Began

My small body sat in what seemed to me to be an over-sized dark mahogany chair with red leather padding on the seat that matched the color of my red polio shoes. I wore a long metal leg brace on my left leg that Miss Holly, my physical therapist tenderly removed to get me ready for yet another grueling physical therapy session to help my body heal from the ravages of paralytic polio.

"Called one of the lucky ones I had a 'mild' case
but with the other athletes I could never keep their pace..." ... excerpt from "Running the Race"

To my left was a round table with a lamp on it and a selection of Dr. Seuss books scattered among the magazines.

"What would you like to read today?" Miss Holly asked.

"The Cat in the Hat."

No matter how many times I chose "The Cat in the Hat," Miss Holly honored my choice.

"The sun did not shine it was too wet to play..."

And after reading the final words "What would you do if your mother asked you?" she scooped me up and brought me into the physical therapy treatment room. As she put on hot woolen blankets and coaxed my muscles and nerves back to health, we would take turns reciting "The Cat in the Hat" line for line to distract me from the searing pain of the treatment.

From "Running the Race""
Miss Holly physical therapist, curly hair and a warm, broad smile
it tempered the pain of being apart - to walk I'd take awhile.

I always wore those 'special' shoes the kids they poked and teased
with no support and much abuse with childhood I wasn’t pleased.
But put nose to the grindstone and learned all that I could
I couldn't kick a ball but my grades were always good.

Years went by and no more thought to polio did I give
I accepted the limp, everything else and decided my life I would live.
But symptoms of weakness and muscle pain did grow
I kept a stoic face hoping no one else would know.

In December of 2006, I was diagnosed with post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease as Western Medicine defines it. As I was facing a rather grim future according to the doctors, I got still and asked God for guidance about helping me find my way out of the mess I was in where my mind, body and Spirit were slowly dying.

In February of 2007, my prayers were answered as I returned to the cadence of Dr. Seuss that had helped me to heal after the initial polio virus. That first poem I wrote, "Running the Race" foreshadowed my 2009 Boston Marathon run although I sat in a leg brace, used a wheelchair at times for mobility and faced a rather grim and uncertain future according to the doctors. But through poetry, I was creating a very different future than the one the doctors predicted for me.

I've been writing poetry ever since to inspire mind, body and Spirit to heal from having experienced horrific acts of 9 years of violence at the hands of family members shortly after coming out of my leg brace at the age of 8.

For the first time in these last 8+ years, I know in every fiber of my Being that total healing is mine to claim.

It's been a long and winding road that led me to Dr. Joe Dispenza's work through Dr. Ryan Means, a chiropractor who reminded me of everything I was writing about in my poetry and helped me begin to bring it into physical manifestation. When I told him I wanted to grow a new gastroc muscle, he used kinesiotaping to stimulate the new muscle growth.


He gave me exercises to build strength and cross train and education about self-care for runners. As important as everything he gave me in the physical world including spine adjustments that helped to release the trauma I held in my bones and posture, he gave me a renewed sense of hope and possibility. "Why set limits?" he asked me when I said that I would cap off my distance at 5 miles...why indeed?

My love for poetry and how it can heal all began in the physical therapy office of Dr. Eugene Moskowitz, MD in Mount Vernon, New York with a wise physical therapist reading Dr. Seuss to me when I was 5 1/2 years old.

Meeting a heaven sent healer, Dr. Ryan inspired the phrase feel the heal, and my latest book of inspirational poetry, "Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life."

I am delighted to be able to share my healing odyssey and my gift of poetry with you in this latest anthology of my poems. You can purchase your copies along with "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility," and "Journey Well" on Amazon. I have already started writing poems for "Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life Volume II", and "Going the Distance" which chronicles these latest miles on my marathon of healing from my knee injury last December to when I cross the finish lines of the Bermuda Half Marathon in January 2016 and the Newport Marathon in October.

Cheers! To Life! Feel the heal and let us all love ourselves well!

As Winter Turns to Spring-Look for the Snowdrop

We had another couple of inches of snow last night and one could think oh my goodness when will this winter ever end? How will the snow ever melt in time for the Boston Marathon? I choose to sit here and feel the sun warming my back through the window knowing and trusting that winter can never last. Whether it be the season winter on the calendar or the winter of a challenge in our lives, the darkness never lasts and darkness never wins. Even in the midst of the coldest, darkest days there is a glow and a warmth that can never die.

When you see the icicles and blocks of ice that encase houses and the snow that buries bushes you wonder how will anything bloom again? The snowdrop is a flower that blooms in late winter. Before the grass returns, while there is still snow on the ground, these beautiful, fragile flowers remind us of resiliency and what is possible even in the midst of challenging conditions.



In February of 2007, I sat at my dining room table facing a grim future. I had been diagnosed with post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease. I sat in a leg brace, was told to adapt my Cape home or find a ranch and prepare to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair. I was at risk for aspiration pneumonia because of difficulty swallowing and was told that if I had any hope of stabilizing my functioning where I was then that I had to quit my award winning VA social work career.

In the midst of the dark night of my mind, body and soul and in the middle of February, I discovered the gift of poetry in my soul that opened the portal to healing unleashing the power of my imagination to see beyond appearances while accepting everything as it was in that moment. The cadence of Dr. Seuss that my physical therapist, Miss Holly read to me before every painful physical therapy session and then had me recite back to her blossomed and now I was holding the pen that became my divining rod for healing.

The first poem I wrote - "Running the Race" foreshadowed my 2009 Boston Marathon run only as I sat in a leg brace, using a wheelchair at times for mobility, and never having a run a day in my life, I had no idea that I would one day cross the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon.

Running the Race
Early summer 1959 my kindergarten year
Everyone around me filled with nervous fear
Despite the Salk vaccine hope polio would disappear
The polio virus crept right up and knocked me in the rear.

Dancing all around the gym feeling free just like a bird
I dropped to the ground just like a stone
and no one said a word.
The pain it was so searing-the diagnosis even worse

"It's polio" the doctor said...he was abrupt and terse.
Called one of the 'lucky ones' I had a 'mild case'
But with the other athletes I could never keep their pace.
Miss Holly physical therapist,
curly hair and a warm, broad smile
It tempered the pain of being apart - to walk I'd take awhile.

I always wore those 'special' shoes
the kids they poked and teased
With no support and much abuse
with childhood I wasn't pleased.
But put nose to the grindstone and learned all that I could
I couldn't kick a ball but my grades were always good.

Years went by and no more thought to polio did I give
I accepted the limp and everything else
and decided my life I would live.
But symptoms of weakness and muscle pain did grow
I kept a stoic face hoping no one else would know.

Life no longer was my own I struggled through each day
Suffered in silence, isolated from friends-
trying to keep depression at bay.
And with the grace of glorious God my world it opened wide
I discovered there was a Post Polio team
and they were on my side.

Using wheelchair to travel, set limits on what I could do,
Resulted in joy to realize I could live life anew.
Celebrated my body- creaks, groans and need for a brace
While in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race.
Sought out paths for healing and my spirit flew free
For the first time in life, I could truly be me.

The chains are gone and possibilities abound
I'm a tree with my roots planted firmly in ground.
I'm now off the sidelines, no need to sit and whine
So much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine.
After all these years I can join the loving human race
I exceed all expectations and now I set the pace.

Seeing 7 foot snow piles and ice still on the ground, as you face challenges wondering when will it end and how will I ever make it from here to there look for the snowdrop.

Journey well!

"Journey Well" and all of my inspirational books are available on Amazon.

"Journey Well" is a book about resilience, strength, courage and how we are able to journey well no matter what conditions life hands to us. I profile the people who are Boston Stronger and share how 4/15/13 was a wake up call to me to return to my healing path from contracting paralytic polio at age 5 and 9 years of domestic violence as a child and adolescent.



50% of all book proceeds are donated to AccesSportAmerica where people of all ages and abilities achieve higher function and fitness through high challenge sports and training.

The Miracle of Healing

Some people believe that going for a massage is a luxury. For me it's a necessity and a critical component of my health and wellness training plan. 90 minutes each week at Sollievo Massage and Bodywork is a time for meditation; to reflect on where I've been and how I've arrived at this moment and what I can do to find greater ease, comfort and peace in my body and in my life. It's an opportunity to heal mind, body and Spirit and as one heals, we all heal. The moments of peace I experience during the treatment ripple out into the Universe.

I become more and more aware of how I live in my physical body; a body I once loathed and lugged around with me. It was what I needed to do in order to survive. Through the treatments of these past 8+ months, fighting for my life and being at odds with my physicality transformed into awareness of how I still struggle in parts of my body. Two weeks ago, I became aware of the need to surrender and to experience perfection in all that is as it was and as it is in this moment now.





Because of the events of domestic violence three years after contracting paralytic polio, my neuromuscular system did not have the opportunity to fully recover from paralytic polio. The miracle is that I now have the opportunity to heal. I experienced the simple pleasures of pouring a pot of tea and last Sunday ate soup with a calm hand. The miracle is that despite all the ugliness I witnessed of the darkest side of humanity; despite all the pain and suffering I endured, I experience the beauty and love that is in the world. Even though I had encountered three rather unethical and unprofessional "bodyworkers", I dared to trust one more time and found my way to Joseph's healing hands and heart, and to Laura and Rose, the loving, caring and tender co-owners of Sollievo.

I'm taking the winter to be very kind to my body and giving myself the opportunity to heal from polio. I'll be cross training on my recumbent bike and taking advantage of Aquatics Therapy at Spaulding to build strength. I'm using the high quality self-care products from Sollievo to take care of my skin this winter and to nourish myself after a run in the cold with a hot epsom salt bath.

The healing cadence of Dr. Seuss got me through those intense physical therapy sessions when I was 5 years old until I was a teenager. When my body shut down 8 years ago after years of neglect, I returned to the healing cadence of Dr. Seuss only now I was the one holding the pen. My pen is my divining rod for healing and interestingly enough, recently, my style of free verse has returned to the cadence of Dr. Seuss in these two poems:

Surrender

Surrender and heal unpack the bags of the past
surrender, let go, feel free
struggles be gone, there’s too much to do
let energy flow, it’s time to be me.
A woman of strength, courage and fierce
I had to fight my way to get to where I am today
time to take off the gloves, stop working so hard
be soft and gentle, let love light the way.
Nothing to prove, nothing to do
there’s no more time to waste
let fear be gone as ghosts disappear
all the demons have now been faced.
Surrender and heal my new mantra for peace
my body can now heed the call
with help from an earth angel healer
we rewind to that moment when I first took the fall.
Surrender and heal, let joy and possibility flow
everything’s perfect right here and now
let angels surround and be the guides
they’ll lead the way to the how.
To feel whole and balanced in my earthly home
my river of life, my beautiful chi
unceasingly easily flowing
for the first time in my life no more braces I’m free!

Transformation

Mary, Mary had to be contrary
they wouldn’t let her garden grow
she held on tight as they tried to snuff out her light
she kept her Spirit safe, sheltered aglow.
A moral dilemma should she fight or leave
she knew darkness could never win
no more destruction let peace prevail
a new day she can now begin.
With deep breaths of healing, a new rhythm of life
one with ocean, the earth and stars
the ugliness pales, perfection can shine
and all that remains a few scars.
Mary, Mary no longer contrary
her blue eyes gentle, wise an ageless soul
all the events once held in her flesh flushed out
only love remains Mary’s now whole.
Mary, Mary so innocent and pure
no longer alone and in fear
a message of healing she brings to the world
journey well she wants all to hear.
May others discover this message of hope
Mary carries her message as a torch for life
courage and kindness, compassion and love
forgiveness the cure for all the world’s strife.
Her heart is so thankful that she made it through
let everyone’s garden grow wild and free
each sentient Being find their way home
to Be the person that they were always meant to Be.

What miracles do you see happening in your life?




"Journey Well" is available in Paperback and Kindle edition on Amazon 50% of book proceeds are donated to AccesSportAmerica


We are having a Book Release Party on January 10th from 5:30-7:30pm at the birthplace of Journey Well, Sollievo Massage and Bodywork, 2285 Massachusetts Avenue, Cambridge, MA. Hope you can join us if you are in the greater Boston area.