The other day I wrote a post about "Change the Channel" as I could feel the weight of a grey cloud of thoughts draining my energy. The other day, during my morning meditation, I could feel those cloudy thoughts return and then a shift happened. I remembered a delicious feeling of wholeness at the end of my treatment a week ago with Joseph at Sollievo Massage and Bodywork. I felt grounded and felt my deep connection to something far greater than me yet that is right inside of me. I could clear out the energy of vigilance, violence and fear that once dulled my senses and robs me of experiencing the sweet sensations that life offers us. I savored the sensation of my husband's brewing coffee, the birds singing outside and the gift of sunlight streaming though my window.
I used to be filled with doubts and fears. While I would forge ahead with whatever endeavor I was pursuing at the time, the fears and negative self-talk would be like an anchor weighing me down in mind, body and Spirit. I'm retraining my mind and my body or as I prefer to say my mind/body.
I meditate at least twice a day. It's a time for creating awareness to explore what keeps me from my joy, my love, feeling a sense of comfort, peace and ease and moving that out of the way so that I can delight in being alive. In feeling that wholeness of self, I was able to keep at bay thoughts about people and situations that were creating suffering. As those thoughts move out, a river of joy and the essence of my life force can flow creating a beautiful path in the landscape of my life.
Dr. Ryan Means,DC or Dr. Ryan as he prefers to be called of Elevate Health Cambridge suggested I practice squats at the wall after showing me the proper form for a squat and explaining the biomechanics of a squat to me. I would rely on the bathroom sink to assist me in getting off of the toilet seat. One day I decided to tell myself that I had the strength and the balance to just stand up. I stopped using so much effort and told myself I can choose ease and make this a very natural experience for myself. And voila - it happened! I have to continue to practice ease and remind myself that I can do this. Sometimes in the early morning when I am not yet charged or in the evening when I'm tired, I find myself wanting to revert to my old habit. I can feel a lapse in my brain so I pause and give it a gentle encouraging nudge. I remind myself that I have a new way of doing this; I don't over think it and I allow it to happen.
And if for whatever reason, it didn't happen on a particular day, it's okay. The important thing is that I not fall prey to feeling like a victim in response to the circumstances that happened to me. It's also important to not quit before the miracle happens.
And speaking of miracles ... Yestterday I ran 2.25 miles at a 17 min/mile pace with elevation and no knee pain!
It takes time, patience and faith to walk a healing path; to have the courage to move out of hold habits of thinking, of moving and of Being.
The more I believe in my mind/body's ability to change and to heal, to return to its natural state of goodness, of experiencing joy and pleasurable sensations the more I become that change. By challenging my mind/body while making sure that I am being mindful to pace myself and ensure that I am taking calculated risks (such as not holding onto the bannister as I walk up or down stairs); increasing my miles and pace slowly after my recent knee injury and training smarter not harder, I am moving forward feeling strength, comfort and ease astounding myself with the possibilities!
Journey well!
My latest book, "Journey Well" is now available on Amazon along with all of my inspirational books. 50% of book proceeds are donated to the Massachusetts Resiliency Center, a safe, welcoming space for survivors of the Boston Marathon bombing to heal and stay in touch with one another; a virtual hub for a widely dispersed community whose lives have been impacted by the tragic events of April 15th and the events that followed.
When terror struck the world's oldest and most beloved marathon on April 15, 2013, it was a defining moment in Mary McManus’ life and the lives of all those in Boston and around the world. It was her wake up call to return to the sport and community that have been medicine and a lifeline for her throughout her marathon of healing the late effects of paralytic polio and experiencing 9 years of domestic violence as a child and adolescent. Mary captures the essence of Boston Strong through her experience of the 2014 Boston Marathon and as she profiles the people who are Boston Stronger. Through her blog posts, poems and journal entries woven together with excerpts from her memoir, “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility,” you will experience, through one woman’s journey of transformation and healing, that no matter what happens to us, we can all learn to journey well.
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