Thursday, March 26, 2015
Change the Channel
I was having a difficult time on Tuesday allowing my energy to flow and finding comfort in my mind and in my body. I hadn't slept well Monday night and I've been having what I call trauma dreams. I am limiting my exposure to news and to the trial of the person accused of the Boston Marathon bombing. I am focusing on all the amazing people I have met in the survivor community and how I reconnected with the running community after 4/15/13. There is so much goodness and kindness that have come out of the events of that day. Love certainly wins every time! I was able to go into a movie theater for the first time since 4/15/13 and the trauma dreams happen with much less frequency.
Regardless...it's an anniversary time. Winter seems endless. My husband just transitioned to a new job; a magnificent new job at Boston College but there is stress that goes with a job change.
I was feeling cranky and grumpy and out of sorts. I focused on all I have to be grateful for but my gratitude practice couldn't seem to pierce through the grey cloud of my thoughts.
I thought to myself, "If you were watching a TV show and it made you feel this lousy, you would change the channel."
That still didn't get me out of my funk.
I was going to take a nap but somehow knew that a nap was not the answer.
I began to pray. "Dear God ... help me to find peace and equanimity. Help to lift me out of my cloud of thoughts that are not serving me right now."
I remembered how Joseph, my mind/body therapist at Sollievo Massage and Bodywork told me on several occasions, peace is always available to you. It's as close as putting your hand in your pocket. I remembered when he posed the question, "Why is it that we spend so much time getting to a place we have already arrived."
Larry Rosenberg, founder of the Cambridge Insight Meditation Center has said, "Where is peace to be found? The same place as sorrow. How convenient." But I didn't want to have to go through more sorrow. I wanted to experience peace period peace and equanimity. I realized that by not allowing the sorrow and any other feelings that needed to flow, flow, I was creating more suffering.
I was getting closer to an energy shift.
And then I heard Spirit say to me... "Take a hot shower."
Sollievo packages their own self-care products.
The office manager, Anne, told me that in fact Joseph packages the products at Sollievo.
I dug into the Dead Sea Salt Scrub and gently massaged it into my face, arms and legs. I continued to pray for comfort, calm, peace and equanimity.
And then I felt the energy shift. I felt Joseph's presence and wisdom that of course is the wisdom I have inside of me that he reflects back to me.
Even though I felt tired, I felt energized; an odd dichotomy for sure and was able to take care of things that I needed to take care of along with writing which always delights my heart and soul.
It's not always easy to do and it takes practice, but once we realize that our thoughts are just like a TV show and once we become aware of them and decide that we want to change the channel, we can discover that the remote is right in the palm of our hand.
My latest book, "Journey Well" is now available on Amazon along with all of my inspirational books. 50% of book proceeds are donated to the Massachusetts Resiliency Center, a safe, welcoming space for survivors of the Boston Marathon bombing to heal and stay in touch with one another; a virtual hub for a widely dispersed community whose lives have been impacted by the tragic events of April 15th and the events that followed.
When terror struck the world's oldest and most beloved marathon on April 15, 2013, it was a defining moment in Mary McManus’ life and the lives of all those in Boston and around the world. It was her wake up call to return to the sport and community that have been medicine and a lifeline for her throughout her marathon of healing the late effects of paralytic polio and experiencing 9 years of domestic violence as a child and adolescent. Mary captures the essence of Boston Strong through her experience of the 2014 Boston Marathon and as she profiles the people who are Boston Stronger. Through her blog posts, poems and journal entries woven together with excerpts from her memoir, “Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility,” you will experience, through one woman’s journey of transformation and healing, that no matter what happens to us, we can all learn to journey well.
I was finally able to change the channel of my thoughts and my energy flowed.