Run Bermuda! Run Happy! Why a Half is a Whole Big Deal for Me!

After last week's play it by ear long run, Team McManus decided to nail down a route that would result in the exact mileage we needed for today - 9 miles!

Oh gosh - I can't believe we are at 9 miles already on the road to Bermuda Marathon Weekend.

This week's training paid off big dividends during today's run. Having gone farther than we planned last Saturday and digging deep in the cross training, strength training and tempo run, made today's run relatively easy. We picked up the pace and the miles seemed to fly by. There was a lightness and a joy in today's Team McManus training run.

After doing our core work and having a solid breakfast, we headed off to Castle Island where the fog gave an air of mysticism to our run. We had spacious sidewalks along Boston's beautiful Harborwalk passing runners heading in the opposite direction. There was high humidity but the fog and cloud cover with a mild sea breeze made for perfect running conditions. We stopped at every mile to hydrate and then practicing what we will do at the Bermuda Half, fueled at miles 3 and 6. We packed crackers and apples for quick refueling after our run before heading home for lunch.

You can see by the smiles how happy we were with our 9.05 mile run:


Running a threepeat of the Bermuda Half Marathon is a whole lot of big deal for me.

In December of 2006 I was given the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease by Western Medicine standards. I was told that if I used it I would lose it; referring to the fact that because I had lost so many neuromuscular connections during the initial polio virus that if I used my body, I would use it up and overtax what was left of my neuromuscular system. This is an outdated way to think about the body given what we now know about quantum healing and the body's tremendous capacity to heal when we nourish it with the proper beliefs and an environment that stimulates healing. For more on this I refer you to the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza and Dr. Bernie Siegel.

In December of 2014, as a result of too much racing (9 races in 9 months with 3 PR's) and no cross training or strength training, I had a very serious left knee injury. I was told to hang up my running shoes and prepare for a total knee replacement within a few years. The MRI indicated that there was not enough cartilage to perform arthroscopic surgery. I had bone spurs, degenerative changes from osteoarthritis and reconstructive leg surgery that I had over 20 years ago now. There was fatty infiltration and virtually no gastroc muscle, bone spurs and a fatty lipoma.

I pursued the path of Western Medicine for about a New York Minute and then was blessed to find my way to chiropractic care and my dear friend and healer Ryan J. Means, DC.

He set me right back on my healing path using all of his techniques and tools as a chiropractor, the support, encouragement and guidance as a personal trainer, and the readings of Dr. Joe, and watching the movie, "What the bleep do we know..."

Under his guidance, after he asked me the question, "Why set limits?", I set the goal to run the 2016 Bermuda Half Marathon; a race that had been on my bucket list for years but one that I thought was out of my reach given how difficult it was for me to get traction on my healing journey.

I wasn't planning to run a threepeat in Bermuda and really believed that my body needed more time off in between training for another half marathon. The original plan after Bermuda 2017 was to run a Half Marathon in the Fall or Winter of 2018.

But here I am and here we are as Team McManus!

It takes a lot for me to get out there and train for another half marathon given that I am still a work in progress recovering from the effects of paralytic polio followed by 9 years of unrelenting violence at the hands of family members. But the rewards are great as I defy the diagnosis and create my own path for healing; a road map that will hold me in very good stead in my later years.

So while a half marathon might not seem like a big deal for some, for me it's not a half of anything. It's 13.1 miles and that's a whole big deal for this almost 64 year old woman healing the effects of paralytic polio and trauma.

Go the distance with strength and courage,
Mary

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


And my latest and greatest book - Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):

Going the Distance: Celebrating 10 Years of Healing: It's All In Your Head

Facebook reminded me that two years ago today I watched, "What the bleep do we know...". It was recommended to me by Dr. Ryan.

Early on when I first started experiencing this array of symptoms that was eventually diagnosed as Post-Polio Syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease by Western Medicine standards, my primary care physician at the time told me it was all in my head. He prescribed Paxil which I quickly flushed down the toilet and told me to see a psychiatrist. He could not find anything wrong with me by objective internal medicine tests and so deduced that it was a psychiatric problem.

When I went to the Spaulding Rehab's International Rehab Center for Polio and Post-Polio, they focused solely on my physicality.

Truth is what was happening to me was a result of having contracted paralytic polio at the age of 5 followed by 9 years of unrelenting violence against me mind, body and soul.

Candace Pert, Ph.D., one of the teachers in What the bleep do we know... who, coincidentally Dr. Ryan met while studying chiropractic medicine tells us that it was all in my head and that the mind is everywhere in the body. Our thoughts create our biology.

I had dissociated, despised and ignored my body in order to survive. However, I paid a terrible price for that survival coping mechanism.

As I wound and wielded my way through 8 years of my healing odyssey I was desperately trying to find a way to heal mind, body and soul. Writing inspirational poetry sparked my imagination to see myself as healthy and whole and certainly took me far - 26.2 miles to be exact in being able to run the 2009 Boston Marathon.

Once I met Dr. Ryan, he reopened my mind, body and soul to the world of quantum healing. I'd experienced the power of the mind/body connection with Dr. Bernie Siegel.

Bernie knew the power of the subconscious mind and what happens when we get out of the way and allow our subconscious mind to take over. He would use the power of positive suggestion while his patients were under anesthesia. I was blessed to find an anesthesiologist who knew about Bernie's work.

From "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility":
I knew the power of suggestion and visualization. I was diagnosed with endometriosis in the 1980’s. I would always get sick after anesthesia. I talked with my anesthesiologist before yet another gynecological surgery to repair my reproductive organs. I asked him if he heard of the work of Bernie and if he would be willing to give me the suggestion “You will wake up comfortable and hungry and pain free,” while I was under anesthesia. He was on board.

I woke up in the recovery room after the procedure. I felt a wave of nausea wash over me and then in the middle of the wave of nausea, it stopped. I suddenly had a craving for a barbequed hamburger.

“Can I have a barbequed hamburger?” I asked through the haze of general anesthesia.

Everyone in the recovery room laughed. They knew what the anesthesiologist had said to me while I was under anesthesia.

With the compilation of stress and trauma in my life coupled with the unhealed effects of paralytic polio and trauma, I wasn't able to get traction on my healing journey.

Once I had the power of therapeutic touch, healers who could join with MY intention to heal, and infused myself with the works of Dr. Joe Dispenza, Dr. Candace Pert and allowed the teachings from "What the bleep..." to settle into my cells, I was able to experience a quantum leap in my healing journey. I experienced the physical manifestation of the transformation, mind, body and soul I had written about for years in my poetry.

Tomorrow marks 10 years since I left my 20 year award winning career as a VA social worker to heal my life. If ever you wonder about the mind/body connection, I'd like you to do a simple little exercise. Take a moment to think about the menu at your favorite restaurant. Think about your favorite dish on the menu. Do you feel your mouth salivate and have a sensation of anticipating the delicious food you are about to savor? That's the power of the mind/body connection! Remember - it's all in your head!

Tomorrow I officially celebrate 10 years of healing and am so excited to see what the next 10 years will bring!

To going the distance with strength and courage!
~Mary

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


And my latest and greatest book - Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):

The Anticipatory Joy of Healing! Focus on the Healing Not on the Wound!

Ever since the diagnosis of Post-Polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease by Western Medicine standards ten years ago, I have been on a quest to heal my life from the effects of paralytic polio and trauma.

Creating a new reality began with my writing poetry starting with the poem, "Running the Race" in February of 2007 as I faced a grim diagnosis, a poor prognosis and an uncertain future in life and in my career as an award winning social worker at the VA.

I did a wonderful job harnessing the power of my imagination through writing poetry to create a new reality for myself seeing myself running unencumbered and free, practicing an attitude of gratitude, allowing joy to flow AS IF everything I yearned for - reclaiming my life unshackled from the pain of my past - was in existence in my current reality. I was in a leg brace, using a wheelchair at times for mobility; had never run a day in my life and was experiencing chronic pain and fatigue. I was depressed and anxious but when I wrote poetry I lived in the world I wanted to experience.

I worked so hard to heal mind, body and soul from the ravages of having contracted paralytic polio at age 5 followed by 9 years of unrelenting abuse and torture at the hands of family members beginning at the age of 8 years old. I sought out healers and did my absolute best to take the best of what they could offer me but everything fell short especially after the added stress of my nephew's suicide on 3/4/2011 and the traumatic events of 4/15/13.

A very serious knee injury turned into the greatest blessing of my life! All that I set forth in motion through the power of my pen, my Divining Rod for healing began to manifest in the wake of that knee injury in December of 2014.

First I met a chiropractor healer, Dr. Ryan J. Means. He was the one who urged me to read Dr. Joe Dispenza's book, "You Are the Placebo," Candace Pert, Ph.D.'s book, "Everything you need to know to feel Go(o)d" and to watch the movie, "What the bleep do we know...."

It was exactly what I needed!

There is also exhilaration to experience the transformation and the easing of the pain focusing on the healing not on the wounds!

I feel this incredible stirring in my soul to experience this power of creation and transformation from a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma to a whole, healthy, vibrant, radiant woman being able to now heal.

I could probably go to a doctor and get a diagnosis of Thoracic Outlet Syndrome or a resurgence of the cervical spine disease that caused radiating pain down my arm or carpel tunnel syndrome that was diagnosed on an EMG 10 years ago and nerve damage from the initial polio virus or some kind of "itis" in my elbow. Instead, I choose to harness the power of Divine Intelligence within me. Whenever I begin to doubt and there are times when the pain is quite intense, I think about that wound on my nose and remember how Dr. Joe healed the fractures in his spine after a devastating accident - yet an accident that would define his life's purpose and his work.



Having the goal of running my 3rd CONSECUTIVE Bermuda Half Marathon is also a powerful stimulant for healing and leaves me with little time to focus on the pain and the wounds. Instead I experience the anticipatory joy of feeling only the soreness that comes with training, being able to get stronger and continue to build confidence memorizing this new self healed from the pain and horror of the past.

Go the distance with strength and courage!
~Mary


Be sure to visit my newly designed website at marymcmanus.com

My latest book, 'Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance' is available on Amazon chronicling my journey to health and wellness as a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma and a woman who refused to quit!

Thankful Thursday: A Tale of My Healer

As I'm writing my next book, "Going the Distance: Healing Trauma through the Power of Positive Touch (And Running) I have this wonderful opportunity to reflect on my healing journey these past almost 10 years. What was the difference? What was the game changer for me once I met Dr. Ryan Means?

One of the most striking things about Dr. Ryan is his passion for movement and his dedication to helping people experience comfort, ease and joy in their bodies. Ryan was teaching Boot Camp in addition to his having his private chiropractic practice and was working one on one doing personal training. I loved the stories he shared with me about his clients achieving improved functioning and saw the twinkle in his brilliant blue eyes as he shared his excitement about the outcomes of his work both as a trainer and a chiropractic physician.

He transferred to me a sense of confidence, strength and joy in my body and Being and gave me exercises that would help me to heal the effects of paralytic polio and violence. He let me know in no uncertain terms that I deserved to heal, that I can and would heal and that I should set goals not limits.

Dr. Ryan is the first healer I encountered in the past 10 years who truly loved being in his body and embodied and embraced what it means to experience health, wholeness and wellness, and to help people attain the quality of life they want and deserve.

He introduced me to the movie "What the bleep do we know..." and the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza!

Dr. Ryan treats the body boldly, with confidence, and incredible skill, yet as a humble servant of the Divine allowing and facilitating the body to return to its natural state of well being.

My healing and transformation continue and I am unleashing my body's natural capacity to heal from the effects of paralytic polio and trauma with deepest gratitude to Dr. Ryan and all he has taught me!

To your health and wellness!
Mary

The stranger on the bench at the bus stop - Feeling God

Early on in my work with the amazing chiropractor Dr. Ryan, he suggested I read Candace Pert's book:



She came to the Palmer School of Chiropractic Medicine where he was training to become a chiropractor.

Dr. Ryan also recommended, "You Are the Placebo," by Dr. Joe Dispenza. As I read Dr. Joe's book, I felt shifts and changes and healing happening mind, body and Spirit.

As I read Candace's book, I've experienced insights and aha moments in my own healing journey and most recently have been experiencing synchronicity, coherence and harmony which is a consistent theme throughout her book. Even though she died in 2013, her Spirit lives and breathes in the pages of her book.

Candace and her co-author Nancy have an ongoing struggle throughout the book about what should be in the book and how to meet the publisher’s deadline. They complement each other in being the task master and opening up to the Universe and letting the Universe write the book. At one point Nancy said that they can allow the Universe to write the book but the Universe isn’t going to publish the book. It was Nancy’s turn to go with the flow when she saw two of her friends sitting on a park bench. Candace berates her for wanting to take an even longer break from their writing but Nancy is unrelenting in taking her over to her friends. The synchronicity was astounding. The two friends had been turned away from Candace’s lecture the night before because it was sold out. He was going to ask her a question and take issue with the fact that in “What the bleep do we know…” there was not a strong enough emphasis on God. I just happened to read this passage last week.

“And if we wouldn’t have been turned away from the lecture, I would have asked you right then and there whether or not you believe in God.”

I burst out laughing and jumped for joy…

“Let me answer you right now!” I exclaimed. “First I want you to know that as a scientist, I believe in God with all my heart. God is everywhere in the matrix that unites us all. Our meeting today, the sheer synchronicity of you talking about me and then me showing up, is due to the vibration of our molecules organizing at the highest levels to achieve coherence and harmony. This is the demonstration of what I know as God.”

Tom and I drove to the Seaport District to have lunch at 75 on Liberty, one of our favorite go to places. We drove once around the block and there was a parking space waiting for us almost across the street from the restaurant. I thanked God/the Universe for the space and smiled. There was a man sitting on the bench at the bus stop wearing a blue shirt, arms opened wide placed on the back of the bench and legs outstretched in front of him.

"That's a really great parking space," this stranger said to us as we got out of the car.

"They are very rare around here. I was very lucky to get one down the street."

His affect reminded me of the person who appears to Marlee Matlin in the water scene from What the bleep do we know....:


"Well my wife imagines a parking space is available every time she comes down here," Tom said to him.

"Your wife has a very powerful imagination," he said to us.

"Yes...I do ... I imagined myself out of a wheelchair 8 years ago," I replied.

"Good for you," he said.

Here was this person who chose to comment on us getting a really great parking space noticing that the parking spaces are rare in this area. Tom and I were drawn into this vortex of conversation with this complete stranger who affirmed everything I believed and have been working on for these past 8+ years. Time stood still and we both experienced a powerful connection to something beyond us in those magical moments. Tom and I were together having run the longest distance I have run since last year's Tufts 10K and training for the Bermuda Half Marathon. There were so many ways the conversation could or could not have gone yet it was this perfect encounter.

I felt God!

There was no mistaking this encounter as having been orchestrated by a Divine Loving Intelligence.

It was an affirmation from the Divine to continue on my path that yes I do have a powerful imagination and I am a mighty manifester. I need to continue to believe without seeing and to know, to trust that my heart's desire for complete healing is here. now. I can live and breathe as the person I imagined myself to be running free and unencumbered and having every experience from the past healed mind, body and Spirit because I am now that person!

Amazing what happens when you open yourself up and allow yourself to have a chance encounter..for us it was with the stranger at the bus stop who was lucky enough to get a parking space down the street from the Seaport Hotel. It's an opportunity to feel God!



I chronicle the first 7 years of my healing journey after being diagnosed with post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease as a survivor of childhood paralytic polio and 9 years of childhood domestic violence in Coming Home:A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility.


"Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems," my latest collection of inspirational poetry is now available soon on Amazon

My Running Chronicles: I Am Runner Girl - Feel the Shift!

We were out last night celebrating our daughter's 28th birthday. We ate later than usual, got to bed later than usual and didn't sleep well thanks to a cat and mouse hunt by our beloved four foot Jamie. The commotion woke us up in the middle of the night. I looked downstairs and saw a medium size brown mouse charge across the floor with Jamie in hot pursuit. The mouse went into my brand new running shoes to hide. Jamie stood guard trying to figure out how she could get the mouse in my shoe. Finally Tom went downstairs to set the mouse free.

When it was time to rise 'n shine and get our run on, I wanted to just turn over and go back to sleep. But a part of me was also very excited to get my longest run on since last October's Tufts 10K.

Tom and I meditated, did our plank, crunches and clams, had our breakfast and packed up our essentials to head to South Boston and run the route we ran last week only this time going the 10K distance.

I had butterflies. Was I really going to be able to go the distance? Would my knee "hold up"? And then I remembered...my mind creates my body so what do I choose to create. During my meditation I affirmed, " I am happy, healthy and whole. My body is my sacred vessel and my home."

As we pulled into our parking space the craziest thing happened to me.

"I'm going to be 62 in a few months and I'm off of disability and receive straight social security."

Tom was so loving and affirming as I made that observation.

I started sobbing. "It's been so hard." And then I started laughing this deep deep belly laugh - so deep that my stomach muscles hurt. Sobbing and laughing at the same time. Tom said it was like a sun shower where there's pouring rain yet the sun is out.

Something broke free within me and all my doubts washed away.

It was a perfect weather day for a run!

I reminded Tom and myself that it takes awhile to get warmed up - especially after a night out and little sleep. We looked at the clear blue skies, the ocean, the beach and lost ourselves in the moment. We were so grateful for the perfect running weather especially compared to last week's 85 degrees and humidity. For today's run it was 74 degrees and no humidity. We also found more shade along the route.

After four miles Tom turned to me and said, "You could run the half today couldn't you?"

I was definitely in the head space of running a half marathon taking it mile by mile and enjoying every step of the way.

I told Tom that I knew that my pace would come; that for now I just want to enjoy the runs and experience building miles again...only this time I'm building miles not as a mobility impaired runner but as a runner.period. As it turned out, we ran 3 miles at a 15:00 minute/mile pace and change and our overall pace was 24 seconds/mile off of last week's pace. The cooler weather and speed work certainly helped our pace.

As we neared the end of our run, my iPhone said we were on low battery. I realized that as our runs get longer, I have to make sure that my phone is fully charged and to bring a charger in the car because Nike+ uses a lot of battery. I picked up the pace. No way was I going to get my phone die before we documented my 6.2 mile run. I was amazed at how much I had left in the tank. Once again we visualized coming down Front Street and hearing our names called out by the Bermudian race announcers. Tom said, "Team McManus is on pace for a personal best." When Nike+ congratulated us on completing our 6.21 miles, we hugged and kissed and quickly made sure that we could get our post training run runfie and sync the run on Nike+.



I changed into flip flops and we went into the ocean for our nature's very own ice bath. I could feel my legs flush.

Last week, I ended up with a purple and painful toenail after our run. After Tuesday's run, I was in a lot of pain. I went to Marathon Sports, our go to store for every endurance running need and was fitted with the same shoe, a half size larger. During my meditation I repeated, "My new running shoes are a perfect fit and are going to carry me swiftly through my run today." I ran with no pain from my toenail and even though it is still purple, it feels great! The salt water is also a wonderful healing agent.

After a rest on the beach, as we walked to our car, I felt my knee buckle and briefly lock. You have a strong and healthy leg....And so it is, I thought to myself. I felt a shift in my leg's energy and felt the strength and health of my left leg.

Tom and I drove to the Seaport District to have lunch at 75 on Liberty, one of our favorite go to places. We drove once around the block and there was a parking space waiting for us almost across the street from the restaurant. There was a man sitting on the bench at the bus stop.

"That's a really great parking space," this stranger said to us.

"They are very rare around here. I was very lucky to get one down the street."

His affect reminded me of the person who appears to Marlee Matlin in the water scene from What the bleep do we know....



"Well my wife imagines a parking space is available every time she comes down here," Tom said to him.

"Your wife has a very powerful imagination," he said to us.

"Yes...I do ... I imagined myself out of a wheelchair 8 years ago," I replied.

"Good for you," he said.

We went on our way, had an amazing lunch and when I got home I took an epsom salts ice bath followed by a hot shower to flush lactic acid out of my system.

I am sore but feel absolutely amazing. I am healed. And I reactivated my twitter account with a new handle: @runnergirl1953.

Makes sense doesn't it? I am a runner girl in addition to feeling the heal, I feel the shift and know in every fiber of my being...I.am.healed.





I chronicle the first 7 years of my healing journey after being diagnosed with post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease as a survivor of childhood paralytic polio and 9 years of childhood domestic violence in Coming Home:A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility.


"Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems," my latest collection of inspirational poetry is now available soon on Amazon

Feel the Heal: Claiming the Change

During this morning's meditation I experienced peace and stillness. My body was quiet. My breath deep and full. This thought came to me:
Everything is healed and rewired. Flip the switch and watch me go...

It's so easy to focus on what is in the current physical reality but I felt a profound shift happen in my thoughts and experience this morning. Notice what you want and where you are going as I, to quote Dr. Joe Dispenza, "cross the river of change."

It's a little scary, a whole lot exhilarating and I felt tears run down my cheeks. Tears of gratitude, relief, release. Yes I am a child of God and just as a loving biological father loves his little girl, that's the Love that the Father has for me.

I felt it from the time I was 5 years old and lay paralyzed on the couch from paralytic polio with a drug addicted mother smoking a cigarette and glaring at me waiting for my biological father or grandfather to come home from work to attend to my basic needs.

I can feel all those wounds healed now and my body is rewiring itself.

I felt pulsing in my throat as wounds of oral rape and strangulation healed. I felt the tingling of new nerves growing along my spinal cord and throughout my cervical spine.

When once I felt blockages of energy from being pinned down during rape and grabbed and restrained during beatings, energy flowed down my arms.

I felt several poems spring from my soul and realized that I've begun to write Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life Volume II. As I expand and heal and grow and transform, my poetry sings praises to the Divine within and around me and reflects and reinforces the healing process.

As I go about my day I notice and praise stillness imprinting this new Body and new way of Being rewiring with love.

As I put on mascara today, I kept repeating peace and stillness embracing and embodying me transformed. I gave loving and gentle support to my right hand and arm to steady it. Even though I am right handed, I lost use of my right arm for 6 months and had open shoulder joint surgery which cut muscles and nerves but it is just as easy to heal the effects of surgery as it is to heal anything. It's all about what I choose to believe.



While there may be particles of anxiety that go through me, I focus on the waves of the life Force and the waters become still again. Each time the episode doesn't last as long and I am able to harness the power of my mind to heal and rewire default responses to external circumstances. I remind myself that my body does not have a mind of its own; I am my body's mind and I am the captain of my fate. What a delicious voyage I am on now.



I realized that I was cheated out of childhood. I didn't have the freedom to run and be free because of paralytic polio and a bat shit crazy family. I always had Divine Protection otherwise I would not be here writing this blog and living my life. I am now keenly aware of the blessings and grace in my life both then and especially now. What a sweet life I now have!

During my strength training workout, I work on Theraband stabilizers that my beloved chiropractor, Dr. Ryan recommended for me.


First it's seeing how long I can balance on each leg and then it's standing for 10 minutes with eyes closed to balance.

Today I felt a shift from tremulousness to feeling my strength and even practicing martial arts in my mind's eye to disarm and take down my father. I could feel those delicious waves of spinal fluid flow and a sense of freedom and power and strength surge through me.

I increased reps of upper body strength training.

How wonderful that Louise Hay's affirmation today was in sync with how I am feeling:



To add icing on the cake of a delicious start to the day, we met our friends Karen and Chris DiMare for brunch at 75 on Liberty. They were in town for last night's U2 concert.

During brunch we talked about healing and going down the rabbit hole of all possibilities. Karen talked about planting seeds and watching them grow as I shared that I have grown a new gastroc muscle. Chris had surgery to remove a cyst from his spine that resulted in pre-operative paralysis. To remove it, they had to cut vertebrae and put in a metal rod. The doctors say there is no way the rod could ever be removed. I have been visualizing total healing for him during my meditation and that they would somehow be able to remove the hardware.

"Can you grow new vertebrae?" Chris and Karen pondered ...

"Hell I grew a new gastroc muscle. Anything is possible."

And so they are going to get out the DVD's of What the bleep do we know...and Down the rabbit hole and watch it again while we all tend to the seeds and the garden of our lives for healing, evolving and transformation. What a blessing that we all affirm each other's journeys with such love!

Here we are apres brunch at the Seaport waterfront area:


It's stunning to see my transformation from when we met for brunch in March:


Everything is healed and rewired. Flip the switch and watch me go ... claiming the change ... Being the change ... evolving and transforming ... feeling the heal in every fiber of my Being and sharing possibility with the world!

Cheers! To life! Love yourselves well!

Dancing Warrior from the soon to be released "Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life". You can find all of my books on Amazon.

She’s fierce
the heart of a warrior ready to battle darkness
no longer needing to stand her ground holding firm
with lightness of Being she dances
a dance of light
nimble no longer numb

flexible and easy
swift of foot to dart arrows
from those who want to pierce her soul
deflate her wonder filled life
wondering
where is the music
what does she hear

she hears her soul sing
the rhythm of her heartbeat
unbridled joy

upturned lips with a knowing smile
the dancing warrior of love.

Why Wait?

In What the Bleep: Down the Rabbit Hole , Dr. Joe Dispenza asks the question, "Why wait?" He goes on to talk about how people seem to need to wait for a crisis in order to awaken to the possibilities for a wonderful life.

I know I sure did as I wrote about in yesterday's blog post.

I resurrected two poems from June 2007 from New World Greetings:Inspirational Poetry and Musings for a New World:

The Gift of Polio
Thank you God for the gift of polio that brought me so close to you
while paralyzed I saw your face no matter what I’d do.
Many wonderful healers you sent them to me at age 5
perseverance and triumph life’s lessons learned
but my Spirit could not yet thrive.
At age 53 the gift was sent to me a second time
having time to sit and feel to heal I started to rhyme.
The second time more worse than the first yet your love and wisdom I found
from pain and weakness and fatigue a remarkable spirit rebound.
Reliving all the trauma of special shoes and such
I discovered remarkable healers who brought a loving touch.
I had no clue I had such strength and the ability to grow
no matter what the outcome deep gratitude I show.
And from that place so dark and deep my body could not move
I took the reins took charge of my life this time with nothing to prove.
This gift so precious I live a new life gratitude flows from me
my heart and soul are filled with grace and each day’s a gift from thee.


A Date With Destiny

Don’t wait til you die to let your soul fly free
please listen and hear what happened to me.
My body was broken every imaginable place
yet to the world I always wore a smile on my face.
My soul trapped inside feeling it was broken too
God brought me out of darkness my light I shine on you.
She showed me the way through people I met
it took awhile a message hard to get.
The kingdom of heaven is right inside me
take the leap of faith fulfill your destiny.
While I did my soul work and let my soul fly free
my body transformed changes did I see.
My head now aligned the tremor no more
my body aligned such strength in my core.
When once head detached from my heart and my soul
they all work together amazingly whole.
The rules that I live by are only my own
to find strength and courage my how I’m soaring I've flown.
I followed my heart to create my bliss
to spread God’s word no greater joy than this.
Take the leap of faith into grace I can fall
but I’m floating on air answering God’s call.
Don't wait til you die to let your soul fly free
there’s no reason to live a life in misery.
Follow your passions and I will tell you this
the body falls away healed when you follow your bliss.

I can only imagine what would have happened if I could have practiced gratitude, forgiveness, and meditation and found a way to either better manage the stress of my job or find the courage to leave before becoming gravely ill; if I could have found balance and allowed my creativity to flow and to find paths for healing for trauma. But that is the irony of experiencing trauma, it is hard to break the cycle of addiction to the chemicals produced in the stress response.

But there is no reason to wait before a life spins hopelessly out of control. There are so many wonderful resources and healers available to help.

I recently added a Resources page to my website which I will also share with you here:

When I experienced an infection that resulted in loss of use of my right arm for 6 months, my earth angel of a nurse brought me a cassette recording of Bernie Siegel, MD's, Love Medicine and Miracles. I partnered with Bernie since the 1980's as my "chosen dad" and "coach" to help me heal. He has many wonderful books and meditation CD's. Visit his website and see his healing offerings. His son is carrying on the family tradition of healing with Wisdom of the Ages.

Dr. Joe Dispenza, NY Times Bestselling author of "You Are the Placebo" conducting healing workshops and has a You Tube Channel to bring healing to the collective consciousness.


Tara Brach, NY Times Bestselling Author of True Refuge, is a leading western teacher of Buddhist meditation, emotional healing and spiritual awakening.Her offerings on line and at retreats brings compassion, tenderness, awakening and how we can find our true refuge within us through meditation and finding our sangha, our community that supports, nourishes and sustains us.

Two movies that will take you into the world of quantum physics and expand your view of your life and the world are What the bleep do we know and Down the Rabbit Hole.

So why wait? Start today practicing gratitude and exploring a world beyond what your eyes can see connecting to something greater than yourself to create a life overflowing with joy, happiness, peace, comfort, vitality and vibrancy. Don't wait for the crisis to live the life you were always meant to live!

Wishing you well on your journey!



Cheers! To life! Love yourself well!

I chronicle the first 7 years of my healing journey after being diagnosed with post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease as a survivor of childhood paralytic polio and 9 years of childhood domestic violence in Coming Home:A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility.


I am working on my new book, Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems which brings together my best poems of the last 8 years and will include my latest poems as I continue to feel the heal and move forward in my life.

My Running Chronicles: Born to Run - Run Free - Wilma Rudolph and Me

From Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility:

"Do you know who Wilma Rudolph is?" my personal trainer asked me as I struggled through an early run training for the 2009 Boston Marathon.

"No," I said. "I never heard of her."

"Well Google her when you get home. I want you to read her story," she told me in no uncertain terms.

From Wikipedia:

"Wilma Glodean Rudolph (June 23, 1940 – November 12, 1994) was an American athlete and an Olympic champion. Rudolph was considered the fastest woman in the world in the 1960s and competed in two Olympic Games, in 1956 and in 1960.

In the 1960 Summer Olympics in Rome, Rudolph became the first American woman to win three gold medals in track and field during a single Olympic Games. A track and field champion, she elevated women's track to a major presence in the United States. As a member of the black community, she is also regarded as a civil rights and women's rights pioneer. Along with other 1960 Olympic athletes such as Cassius Clay, who later became Muhammad Ali, Rudolph became an international star due to the first international
television coverage of the Olympics that year. The powerful sprinter emerged from the 1960 Rome Olympics as "The Tornado, the fastest woman on earth".

Why did my trainer refer me to Wilma Rudolph for inspiration? Because when Wilma was four years old she contracted paralytic polio. Her mother was told she would never walk again. Then she was told she would never walk without a leg brace. With the fierceness of a mother's love and surrounded by a loving, supportive family, Wilma Rudolph came out of her leg brace. She was on the high school basketball team and ran track as something to do in the off-season.

While I did not have the love and support of my mother during my recovery from paralytic polio and had the added challenge of family violence from the age of 8 until the age of 17, I had my Spirit and I had earth angels who would support me throughout my life. Miss Holly, my physical therapist, offered me the tender love and support that a mother would offer to her own child. Miss Dupres was my French Teacher who nourished me in junior high and high school. After graduating high school, and following my father's suicide on August 1, 1971, she invited me into Manhattan to meet her for lunch before I began my freshman year at Boston University. She gave me a sewing kit. She told me that no matter what life may rend apart, I would always be able to put it back together again.

After being diagnosed with post polio syndrome, Allison Lamarre Poole came into my life. She helped me to believe that I could and would get stronger. She had enough faith for both of us until I could believe that I could heal and was not destined for a future in a wheelchair. Then I met Janine. She could have walked away from me when I told her I wanted to run the 2009 Boston Marathon shortly after coming out of my leg brace and never having run a day in my life. But, like Wilma Rudolph's mother, she believed that I could move beyond the late effects of paralytic polio and achieve the dream that was in my heart. It took a village to help me cross the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and it takes a village to support me getting back on the roads.

"No matter what accomplishments you make somebody always helps you." ~Wilma Rudolph

I can feel in every fiber of my Being that I was born to run and to run free. I wasn't afforded the luxury or the opportunity as a child to run free as paralytic polio followed by violence prevented my body from making a full recovery from polio as Wilma Rudolph was able to do ... UNTIL NOW!

There were several factors that prevented my body from complete healing. Until now I did not believe that complete healing was possible for me, but I am reading "You Are The Placebo", watched, "What The Bleep Do We Know..." and "What the Bleep:Down the Rabbit Hole."

I BELIEVE!

I held onto my identity as a survivor of polio and violence but now I see myself as completely healed, healthy, whole. Instead of seeing myself as a mobility impaired runner, I see myself as an endurance runner. I focus on what I DO want rather than focus on what is. I keep a healing journal with affirmations. I meditate and go down the rabbit hole of pure consciousness to allow my body to do whatever it needs to do to heal. Every time I notice a change that's occurred such as steady hands or no head tremors, pain releasing from my leg, I imprint those memories and celebrate the changes.

Did I mention that I BELIEVE?!



Wilma Rudolph experienced complete healing after paralytic polio and went on to become an Olympic Champion with intention and attention and the power of belief along with daily massage and rehab exercises by her mother and family members.

Another factor that prevented my body from completely healing was fear.

One of the things that terrorized and terrified me was that the violence started three years after I'd been paralyzed. I was weak and deconditioned and no matter how wonderful my physical therapist and physiatrist were, we were all swimming upstream against the current of healing because of daily assaults.

But now - there are no assaults and the fear is gone because I realize I can run. I can outrun them just like Forrest Gump did when he outran the bullies.



I was born to run - and I am now able to run free -- just like Wilma Rudolph - and just like me!

Cheers! To Life!

I chronicle the first 7 years of my healing journey after being diagnosed with post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease as a survivor of childhood paralytic polio and 9 years of childhood domestic violence in Coming Home:A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility.


I am working on my new book, Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems which brings together my best poems of the last 8 years and will include my latest poems as I continue to feel the heal and move forward in my life.

"If thoughts can do this to water..."

Last weekend we watched "What The Bleep Do We Know..." The movie is 10 years old! It stars Marlee Maitlin as Amanda who goes on an Alice in Wonderland like adventure while philosophers and scientists present their ideas and studies about quantum physics.

Now before you tell me that you barely made it out of high school chem class, the information presented juxtaposed with Amanda's journey awakens us all to a world of possibility and harnessing the power within us to create our lives.

I began my journey eight and a half years ago as the intention and emotion I experienced through my poetry, despite being in a fragile, deconditioned and decompensated body drove my physical, mental and Spiritual transformation that continues today.

One of my favorite scenes is "The Water Scene" - take two minutes to watch it:


"Makes you wonder doesn't it? If thoughts can do that to water, imagine what our thoughts can do to us."

I KNOW what our thoughts can do to us and for us.

Shortly after receiving the diagnosis of post polio syndrome, what medicine calls a progressive neuromuscular disease, I had an abnormal mammogram. In fact, the diagnosis of post polio syndrome manifested from my years of self loathing coupled with being in a constant state of fight/flight survival mode in response to severe childhood trauma. For one week before returning for a repeat mammogram, I meditated and focused all of my energy on seeing my breast tissue as healthy. Given that I was dealing with the diagnosis of post polio syndrome, I felt with every fiber of my Being that I was not and could not add breast cancer into the mix despite having an extensive family history of the disease. The only outcome I could see and feel and breathe was that this tumor would dissolve.

When I returned for my follow up mammogram, I confidently told the technician that this was really not necessary because the tumor was gone. She was kind and supportive and said they had a wonderful oncology team available at MGH who would give me the best possible outcome with the best treatments available. I told her that she'll see and the doctors will see - it's gone!

She took extensive views and the doctor examined them with a "fine tooth comb." They concluded it must have been an artifact or a mistake on the first reading. I know different. I felt the tumor. They saw the tumor but they could not imagine that I could heal myself.

Last December when my knee became inflamed, I briefly returned to Western medicine to get a handle on what I needed to heal. But I didn't stay there. The messages they sent me were words of caution and admonishment that running wasn't a great idea but since they knew I would run away that longer distances were definitely out if I wanted to preserve my knee joint.



While I knew that I could heal myself using my mind as I had when I was first diagnosed with post polio syndrome and went on to run the 2009 Boston Marathon, I knew that since I wanted to take my healing to the next level, I needed to find a partner for this next phase of my journey. The Universe answered my call with Dr. Ryan J. Means - a healer chiropractor.

I keep a healing journal and am now writing down my affirmations. Here is a sampling:
~I am healthy, whole, confident and strong

~The tremors are healed.

I had never thought to put this out there before now even

~My left knee has full range of motion. I feel the scar tissue dissolve in my mind's eye and feel a comfortable and easy stretch when I stretch my quads. In last week's treatment, I had almost full range of motion. I open up to the possibility and feel it happen.

~I run a 12 minute mile. The actual time doesn't ultimately matter but I see myself as running with ease and being swift of foot. I see myself and embody myself as an endurance runner. Period. I was a mobility impaired runner. Now I am building strength, confidence, endurance and ultimately speed. When I do my sit ups and crunches I see myself as ageless creating and forging and forming the endurance runner within me.

I feel the heal. I journal and write poetry feeding myself well on thoughts that create my new reality. I meditate, work out and I am unstoppable. I am invincible. And all things are possible! "If thoughts can do this to water...."

Feel the Heal

The Potter’s wheel with loving hands a figure forms brave and true
breaking mold cast by others, Triumphant Spirit emerges shining through.
In the likeness of Divine’s image, all excess baggage gently melts away
unbridled freedom, joy, resilience fired up whole without fringe or fray.
Rhythmic turnings ever so slowly, tender kindness she feels the heal
Potter pauses as work now finished, she gracefully leaps from Potter’s wheel.
Color and shape beyond compare magnificent in radiant sun
going the distance helps others to heal fueling her 26.2 mile run.
Transcending transforming no pain can last, grit and gratitude fill heart and soul
leave doubts and fears in dust of memories past
sights set clearly on finish line goal.
In the distance the Potter’s cheering that Voice so clear rises above the din
she feels in every fiber of her Being this race is hers to win.
Pacing, persistent and patient in each moment she feels the heal
reminded of her humble true beginnings blessed by grace on Potter’s wheel.

BE BLESSED! TO ALL GOOD THINGS.....

I chronicle the first 7 years of my healing journey in Coming Home:A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility.