In February of 2007 I faced a grim and uncertain future. I'd been given the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease by Western Medicine Standards. I got still and asked for Divine Guidance. What's a social worker to do after being told I had to quit my job just 3 years shy of retirement age and prepare to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair? The answer came through my pen; what I have come to call my Diving Rod for healing as poetry poured forth from my soul inspiring mind, body and soul to heal.
The first poem I wrote was "Running the Race":
Running the Race
Early summer 1959 my kindergarten year
Everyone around me filled with nervous fear
Despite the Salk vaccine hope polio would disappear
The polio virus crept right up and knocked me in the rear.
Dancing all around the gym feeling free just like a bird
I dropped to the ground just like a stone
and no one said a word.
The pain it was so searing-the diagnosis even worse
"It's polio" the doctor said...he was abrupt and terse.
Called one of the 'lucky ones' I had a 'mild case'
But with the other athletes I could never keep their pace.
Miss Holly physical therapist,
curly hair and a warm, broad smile
It tempered the pain of being apart - to walk I'd take awhile.
I always wore those 'special' shoes
the kids they poked and teased
With no support and much abuse
with childhood I wasn't pleased.
But put nose to the grindstone and learned all that I could
I couldn't kick a ball but my grades were always good.
Years went by and no more thought to polio did I give
I accepted the limp and everything else
and decided my life I would live.
But symptoms of weakness and muscle pain did grow
I kept a stoic face hoping no one else would know.
Life no longer was my own I struggled through each day
Suffered in silence, isolated from friends-
trying to keep depression at bay.
And with the grace of glorious God my world it opened wide
I discovered there was a Post Polio team
and they were on my side.
Using wheelchair to travel, set limits on what I could do,
Resulted in joy to realize I could live life anew.
Celebrated my body- creaks, groans and need for a brace
While in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race.
Sought out paths for healing and my spirit flew free
For the first time in life, I could truly be me.
The chains are gone and possibilities abound
I'm a tree with my roots planted firmly in ground.
I'm now off the sidelines, no need to sit and whine
So much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine.
After all these years I can join the loving human race
I exceed all expectations and now I set the pace.
I call your attention to the last two couplets:
I'm now off the sidelines, no need to sit and whine
So much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine.
After all these years I can join the loving human race
I exceed all expectations and now I set the pace.
"Can't we just take a selfie and call it a day?" I said to Tom as we pulled up to Carson Beach at 10am today before our scheduled run.
He laughed.
It was hot. We were both still feeling drained from the "hard" of the last few days and weeks and I'd have to add the cumulative effects of the past 4 years bearing witness and care giving to our daughter who struggles with her mental health. We used the first part of the run to cast our worries, cares and feelings upon the expansiveness of the ocean. We allowed our foot strikes to carry us forward and to help us transform from feeling weighed down by circumstances and feelings to open hearts, gratitude and being able to appreciate the beauty of our lives and of the world around us.
We poured sweat and had to take a lot of water breaks. I was so happy to see my pace drop back to where it's been the past few weeks instead of at the pace it was on Saturday!
After our 3.11 mile run I got under the outdoor shower at Carson Beach. We sat on the beach and marveled at how running transforms us. We also took pause to reflect on the miracle of my healing journey.
Through the power of running I've healed my life from the effects of paralytic polio and trauma and continue to use running for health, well being and to move beyond myself and feelings of limitation or lack.
I celebrate ten years of running...I can unequivocally say that I'm now off the sidelines. There is no time to sit and whine...so much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine. With every run, my foot strikes carry me forward away from negativity and toxic emotions to a place of happiness, gratitude, peace, love and acceptance.
From my heart to yours,
To your health and wellness,
Mary
My healing journey is going to be featured in David R. Hamilton's soon to be released book, "How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body." It's available for pre-order on Amazon.
Be sure to visit my website by following this link.
My books are available on Amazon.
Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life
Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:
Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):
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