Pastoral Symphony

Shortly after the tragic events of April 15, 2013, I saw this Leonard Bernstein post pop up repeatedly in my Facebook stream:



Music always played an important part in my life yet my love for music and my desire to play music (I was a viola player in high school and made it to All County Orchestra) was tainted by my biological family. In my treatments at Sollievo Massage and Bodywork, Joseph has a soundtrack playing in the background. During my first two treatments, it was a soundtrack of nature. One week, as Clair de Lune played, I almost asked him to turn it off. The piano solo initially brought back toxic memories of my mother but I was able to disconnect from her energy and reconnect with the beautiful strains of Clair de Lune rekindling my love and appreciation for beautiful music.



I was once tuned to the vibration of fear and violence in the Universe but through weekly massage treatments and regular meditation, I am tuning into and tapping into the essence of who I am. Pure love and light. Symphonic music was the soundtrack for one week's treatment. The rhythm of Joseph's hands felt like a beautiful symphony was being played and inspired me to write:

Pastoral Symphony

Melancholy melody a false motif
once filled my soul
sorrowful discord
strains of fear
screeching strings
out of tune and flat
broken hearted beat.
White baton poised
upbeat beacon of hope
new tempo
Maestro’s hands
fine tune
soft sweet refrains
wafting through the air
fairies frolic and play
dancing with joy
celebrating a life in harmony
running free in the meadow
pastoral symphony
to heal the world.





Knowing the challenges first hand of living with a neuromuscular condition, on Thanksgiving, I will be running the Boston Volvo 5K Village Road Race to raise money for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society New England Chapter. When we unlock the key to one neuromuscular condition, we can unlock the door to many. You can donate to my run on my fund raising page.

The first 7 years of my healing odyssey are chronicled in Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility available on Amazon. I donate 50% of royalty payments to The One Fund Boston to help survivors and their families who were affected by the tragic events of 4/15/13.



I'm working on my 2nd book, "Journey Well," due out later this year:

Sweet Victory!

Zig Ziglar was spot on when he said:



When I was interviewed on the Jordan Rich Show in September, Jordan asked me how I didn't become angry and bitter with all of the violence I experienced as a child and adolescent. He paused for a moment and went on to observe that I was angry but I turned the anger against myself despising my body and being filled with shame, blame and guilt.

All of that has slowly transformed during the past 8 years. During the past 7 months, the healing process has accelerated thanks to the combination of meditation, running, Aquatics Therapy at Spaulding Rehab and weekly treatments at Sollievo Massage and Bodywork.

After my last treatment with Joseph, I was inspired to write the poem

Sweet Victory

On the battlefield of life
when we fight the good fight
with compassion
a heart for a heart
to the victor goes the spoils.

A treasure trove of Truth
scars merely badges of honor
wounds healed
secret weapon of loving kindness
vapors of fear
tears spilled
water bathing the garden of my soul
yielding to joy
as treaty signed with forgiveness
sweet reward of peace.

Lush landscape
fragrant green grass
a winding road leading to everywhere
I run
unencumbered
untethered
strapping and healthy
free to be me
my victory lap.

Give someone a bit of your heart rather than a piece of your mind today. You'll feel a wave of peace of heart and mind flow back to you. You'll experience the sweet taste of victory over the enemies of fear and anger that keep us from being who we are truly meant to Be.




Knowing the challenges first hand of living with a neuromuscular condition, on Thanksgiving, I will be running the Boston Volvo 5K Village Road Race to raise money for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society New England Chapter. When we unlock the key to one neuromuscular condition, we can unlock the door to many. You can donate to my run on my fund raising page.

The first 7 years of my healing odyssey are chronicled in Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility available on Amazon. I donate 50% of royalty payments to The One Fund Boston to help survivors and their families who were affected by the tragic events of 4/15/13.



I'm working on my 2nd book, "Journey Well," due out later this year:

Find Your Distance - For Now

This past February at Camp Hyannis, as we affectionately call the annual gathering at the Hyannis Marathon and Half Marathon, as I shared my recent return to running, everyone from Bill Rodgers to my teammates for the 2009 Race for Rehab team suggested that I find my distance.

I am delighted and grateful that I was able to PR the Tufts 10K as I joyfully shared in The Finisher's Clock - Transformation at the Tufts Health Plan 10K for Women. I loved when I ran Seven Sweet Miles.

I loved being able to pour a cup of tea last Saturday.

I know that, for now, I can't do it all.



No one can really.

I need to make compromises and choices. For the first time in my healing journey I have an amazing opportunity to experience peace, stillness, strength and living wholly in my body. Yes that is an intentional play on words. I am reclaiming this sweet, sacred space of my earthly home. But I know that if I continue to train for 10K's or a half that I will not allow my body the opportunity to heal from paralytic polio and violence. I choose to give my body an opportunity to regenerate and gain strength without overtaxing my system.

I will continue to challenge myself in Aquatics Therapy at Spaulding Rehab and work on improving my speed but at a 5K distance. I am sleeping well now; traumatic dreams are gone. I have more energy to get things done at home so Tom and I can spend quality time together. Tom usually does the groceries but last weekend I had enough energy to go to Trader Joe's with him. I run my life as I now run, from the inside out pacing myself and finally being able to enjoy the journey.

For now, it's going to be the 5K distance racing or walking. I have found my distance - for now!


Speaking of a 5K race - I am going the distance to raise money for the Multiple Sclerosis Society Greater New England Chapter on Thanksgiving morning. Please donate what you can to my fund raising page.

The first 7 years of my healing odyssey are chronicled in Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility available on Amazon. I donate 50% of royalty payments to The One Fund Boston to help survivors and their families who were affected by the tragic events of 4/15/13.



I'm working on my 2nd book, "Journey Well," due out later this year:

"Attend and Befriend"

I was blessed to hear a talk by Tara Brach at the Cambridge Insight Meditation Center in March of 2013. I follow her blog and have read her book, "True Refuge." Rather than fighting or fleeing from the reality of what is, we can shift our awareness to attend and befriend.

"If we can slow down even just for a minute, we can shift from fight/flight to attend and befriend."

She lives with a chronic condition that at times has required hospitalization. She was unable to physically participate in a family vacation one year due to her condition. Rather than feel anger and aversion to her condition, she chose to adopt an attitude of attend and befriend.

This morning in Aquatics Therapy class at Spaulding Rehab, our therapist suggested that we try to make the squats more challenging.

"Put your arms in front of you like a genie and see if you can do a squat balancing on one leg."

I'd been doing squats for over a year now and decided to take on the challenge. Balancing on my right leg, bending and straightening it was a manageable challenge. Time to switch legs.

I had no ability to negotiate the squat on my left leg. I was open to inquiry about what was happening and she suggested that I hold onto the wall with one hand while I allowed my neuromuscular system to organize for the one legged squat.

I remember a time when I would feel angry and frustrated that my body would not do as I wanted it to do. I had an aversion to being a polio survivor and all that went along with it. That's what led me in part to the wrong kind of yoga and KMI structural integration. I thought that I needed to fix my body from the outside in.

I was kind, loving and compassionate with my body this morning. Our therapist did a lot of balance exercises and exercises that isolate and challenge each side individually. Our therapist commented that everyone has one side that is able to do things with greater ease and to be patient with myself.

I remember when I wasn't able to do a two legged squat. I would have to do it against the wall. I was able to come away from the wall but when we introduced dumbbells, I had to use the wall for support again. Now I am progressing to one legged squats and need to use the wall for the support on my left side. Our therapist reassured me that I would be able to gain muscle control and coordination and little by little move away from the wall. I delighted in being able to isolate muscles to build upper body strength without tremors this morning! What excitement to build on new muscle memory; to feel that I can live unapologetically in my body.



When I perceived my body as the enemy; something to be despised and fought with, I manifested states of dis-ease. Being present in my body, being kind and loving and patient, attending and befriending what is, allows me to heal.

Tara's Dharma talk about Attend and Befriend - Healing the Fear Body






Knowing the challenges first hand of living with a neuromuscular condition, on Thanksgiving, I will be running the Boston Volvo 5K Village Road Race to raise money for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society New England Chapter. When we unlock the key to one neuromuscular condition, we can unlock the door to many. You can donate to my run on my fund raising page.

The first 7 years of my healing odyssey are chronicled in Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility available on Amazon. I donate 50% of royalty payments to The One Fund Boston to help survivors and their families who were affected by the tragic events of 4/15/13.



I'm working on my 2nd book, "Journey Well," due out later this year:

"Is there something wrong with her?" Reflections on tremors and the simple pleasure of pouring tea

The short answer is no. The longer answer Benign essential tremors ?kinesthetic dystonia Rx Artane ?botox injections

"I thought you had Parkinson's Disease."

"Why does her head shake like that daddy."

Stage whisper "Is there something wrong with her?"

"Look in the mirror," the KMI structural integrator suggested. "I think they are kind of regal. After all Katherine Hepburn had tremors. It's all about perspective. I kind of wish I had them."

"Oh wow your tremors look like they are getting better...."

The first time I ever experienced a whole body tremor that looked like a seizure was when I was in gym class. The gym teacher, Miss Cochran forced me into a somersault. I tried to tell her that I couldn't do a somersault but she refused to listen to me. She got angry with me for "scaring her like that."

In the quiet of the treatment room at Sollievo Massage and Bodywork, I had the opportunity to observe my body and its tremors. This is what happens to a body when it has experienced the polio virus and violence.

Through Joseph's skilled, caring and compassionate touch, I experience moments of stillness in my body. I often joke with him that when that happens I don't want him to move from where he is holding but we both knew this is a process where nature is taking its course as I heal mind, body and Spirit. Everything is in motion; everything is changing.

In last week's treatment, as Joseph worked with my cervical spine, I felt a new pathway of energy flow. After the treatment I recalled the memory of when the doctor forced my torso over the side of the bed to see if my neck was stiff as part of his diagnostic assessment after I collapsed in gym class. I can feel how life is returning to the top of my spinal cord where it meets the base of my skull after all these years.

Last night Tom and I went out for dinner at Golden Temple. Tom always pours the tea. I've had open shoulder surgery on my right arm and lost use of my right arm for 6 months due to an infection in the bone. The combination of polio, assaults and surgery compromised the functioning of my right arm and hand.

I felt that something had shifted after last Thursday's treatment, and I wanted to pour the tea. No tremors. Steady and strong. Effort-less. New neuromuscular memory on which to build.

There were waves of sadness and happiness throughout my last treatment. Sadness for how hard it had been living in my body as a result of the effects from paralytic polio and violence; happiness for peace, stillness, healing and unlimited possibility for more healing. Sadness leaving behind a familiar way of being filled with struggle and challenge and happiness for ease and potential for greater ease in my life on and off of the roads.

I believed there was something wrong with me; that the tremors were something I needed to stop. I did take a short course of Artane but it didn't make a difference in the tremors. The side effects were awful for me. I was considering botox injections but something stopped me from pursuing them - thank goodness! The tremors are not something to glorify nor demonize; they are not something to feel ashamed of or embarrassed about. When I push myself to the edge, or if I experience intense emotions, they have been known to intensify. With a spinal cord injury, it can be challenging for the body to regulate its temperature. I notice that my thermostat is working much better now and I can maintain my body temperature with greater ease. I no longer immediately shiver if the air is cool. As I continue to heal with the help of regular treatments with Joseph, as I continue to build strength at Spaulding Rehab through Aquatics Therapy, my energy can flow with greater ease and I have more of my body available to enjoy the tasks of daily living. What a joy to experience the simple pleasure of pouring a cup of tea. Is there something wrong with her? Oh no - there is everything right with her!


Knowing the challenges first hand of living with a neuromuscular condition, on Thanksgiving, I will be running the Boston Volvo 5K Village Road Race to raise money for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society New England Chapter. When we unlock the key to one neuromuscular condition, we can unlock the door to many. You can donate to my run on my fund raising page.

The first 7 years of my healing odyssey are chronicled in Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility available on Amazon. I donate 50% of royalty payments to The One Fund Boston to help survivors and their families who were affected by the tragic events of 4/15/13.



I'm working on my 2nd book, "Journey Well," due out later this year:

Every finish line is a starting line

Mary McManus, you just PR'ed the 2014 Tufts 10K..what are you going to do now?



I'm going to Cape Cod to spectate the Cape Cod Marathon, Half Marathon and Relay....

and I have an amazing opportunity to heal as I move forward from my running comeback. Six races since June. Two PR's. My first trail race.

I had all sorts of plans lined up for after I crossed the finish line of Tufts. We planned training runs in Andover with the Merrimack Valley Striders to get ready for the Feaster Five and then I signed us up for the Back the Track Race and Walk with Shalene Flanagan for the Saturday after Thanksgiving. In all fairness I was planning to do the walk not the race but still...

Whoa girl!



I need to be patient with my healing process and allow nature to set my pace.

I could feel how my neuromuscular system was at its limit and needs time to integrate all that I have done before taking on any more challenges. I need to pace myself and let nature take its course so that I can heal, build strength and find ease in my body.

A wonderful opportunity presented itself to me to run the Boston Volvo Village 5K Road Race on Thanksgiving morning for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society New England Chapter. I can train right here in Brighton and fund raise for a cause near and dear to my heart.


We will opt out of the Shalene Flanagan event the Saturday after Thanksgiving and instead I will go for my weekly massage treatment to help my recovery after the Boston Volvo Village 5K race.

I'm delighted to work on pacing at my 5K distance. After the Boston Volvo Village race I will keep a base distance of 5 miles alternating 5K with 5 mile runs and continue to work on speed.

In addition to running, I am on a mission to heal the late effects of paralytic polio and violence. I feel delighted that I trained for and crossed the finish line of the Tufts 10K. I crossed the finish line of my running come back. It's a new starting line as I enter a new phase of my healing journey honoring and accepting limits and aware of infinite possibilities as I adopt the pace of nature.



The first 7 years of my healing odyssey are chronicled in Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility available on Amazon. I donate 50% of royalty payments to The One Fund Boston to help survivors and their families who were affected by the tragic events of 4/15/13.



I'm working on my 2nd book, "Journey Well," due out later this year:

Eighteen Months Later - We ARE Boston Stronger

Tom Grilk's voice filled the air at the start of the Tufts Health Plan for Women 10K saying we are Boston Strong and we do what we always do, we run together. Have a great race everybody.

Eighteen months today since lives were forever changed and we as individuals, as a city and as a global community of runners have had to dig deep and find our strength.

After 25 years, after being diagnosed with severe coronary artery disease, at the age of 60 years old, Dave McGillivrey became an Ironman at the Ironman World Championship triathlon last weekend at Kona. He wore a Boston Strong Team MR8 singlet. He ran for the Martin Richard Foundation After the shootings in Newtown Connecticut in December of 2013, Martin made a sign that said, "No more hurting people. Peace." The photo of him holding that sign became a symbol for how to manage in the wake of the events of April 15, 2013. His family created the Martin Richard Foundation to carry on the spirit of their son to honor Martin’s message of peace by investing in education, athletics and community.



Leo Fonesca is now the CEO of Stephanie's Restaurant Group. Photos of him carrying his close friend to safety wrapped in a blanket are but memories in the background of our lives. He is now a 2014 Boston Marathon finisher. He had never run before taking on the challenge of the 2014 Boston Marathon but he was determined to make it to the finish line for those who couldn't this year. He will be running the New York City Marathon in just a few weeks as part of Team MR8 and has already exceeded his fund raising goal of $5,000.

The call is going out for charity runners to send in their applications for the 2015 Boston Marathon. What a different journey runners will have on the road to next year's marathon no longer counting down the days to or from Boston Marathon 2013. That knot in the stomach we had when we woke up on the 15th day of every month for that first year is gone.

I chose to wear my L Street Running Club t-shirt for the Tufts 10K. On the back it says "We run as one" and has the signature yellow and blue Boston Strong ribbon.



The ladies running Tufts sported Boston Strong attire:



As I passed police officers and State Troopers along the course, I thanked them for their presence and was moved to say Boston Strong as I ran. On some level I sensed the upcoming 18 month anniversary of when our lives changed forever.

Yes - our lives changed forever and we are Boston Stronger. We have learned how to journey well!


The first 7 years of my healing odyssey are chronicled in Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility available on Amazon. I donate 50% of royalty payments to The One Fund Boston to help survivors and their families who were affected by the tragic events of 4/15/13.



I'm working on my 2nd book, "Journey Well," due out later this year: