Facebook reminded me that yesterday was the anniversary of an epic fall I had three years ago while training for the Bermuda Half Marathon 2016.
It's a moment I capture in the soon to be released "The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953":
I Ran a Quarter of a Marathon Today
August 15, 2015
There’s a wonderful photo of a dog with its shadow. Its pointed ears and outline of its body looks like Batman. The caption reads, “Holy crap! I’m Batman.” It’s all about perception and what we believe to be true about ourselves and our capabilities. I sure needed to harness my superhero powers to get my run on today. It was a hot and humid 86 degrees at 8:30 in the morning. I suggested to Tom that we park at the beach and that we bring our bathing suits to enjoy nature’s very own ice bath after our run in the cooling waters of the Atlantic. We packed provisions and off we went after doing our planks, crunches and clams with weights.
When we turned onto East Broadway in South Boston, emotions overwhelmed me as they had last week.
"Geez what is it about turning on East Broadway that you go into a meltdown?" Tom said with love and tenderness.
Last week I had the realization that when I turn 62 in December, I will no longer be on social security disability but receive straight social security.
"It was so hard to accept being disabled, having to leave my job at the VA and all the rest of it.” I sobbed and then laughed all at the same time. It was like a sun shower.
As uncontrollable tears and laughter once again bubbled up inside of me I asked, “Do you mind the fact that you could get in a 6.5 mile run in an hour but instead you have to be out so much longer when you run with me?”
"Are you serious? It's not about the time or the distance. It's about us being together."
More sobs and laughter ... “Okay I’ve got to pull myself together. We've got a run to do.”
We started out with a nice easy pace honoring the heat and humidity. We enjoyed the water views and being out running together. I reminded myself that I am free now. I am not responsible for what happened to me and I certainly did not deserve what happened to me. In the wake of those wonderful feelings, thoughts and fears bubbled to the surface. I felt my left leg tighten and swell. I flashed back to when I was injured last December; the admonitions and warnings from my former massage therapist, the physical therapists and the doctor played in my mind. I was going out on my longest run since the Tufts 10K last October. I AM going to run the Bermuda Half Marathon in January!
Despite all of my mental training through meditation, I could not shake those thoughts and feelings. Like a bolt out of the blue, all the voices of the naysayers took over. Rather than letting them be and letting them drift away, or reaching out to Tom for help, I engaged in battle. " None of you were right. I AM going the distance this time.”
The next thing I knew I was flying through the air. It was like a slow motion kind of experience.
And landed on the ground ....
I instinctively knew I was fine. Tom tried to pick me up and I said, "I'm fine. Just let me get up."
I could feel how strong I was. I was able to use my upper body strength to ease the fall. Yes I was bleeding but it was only superficial scratches and scrapes.
Passers by were aghast. "Oh my God. Are you okay? Do we need to call 911?”
I looked pretty bad to someone who was not a runner.
"Yes I'm fine."
There were a few lifeguards inside the pool at Harbor Point.
"Is that where you tripped?" and they pointed to an uneven surface on the sidewalk. “We’ve seen many people fall there and reported it to the manager here.”
They presented me with ice packs from their first aid kit.
I cleaned off using Tom's t shirt, drank water and said I wanted and needed to finish the 1.5 miles for our run.
I felt something shift within me. I felt my guardian angel had eased my fall along with my strength. It was an absolute miracle that I did not break anything and only had a minor chip to my front tooth. I had "road rash" and scrapes but that was it! I knew the Universe was giving me a gift.
Ever since I was 5 years old, I harbored a heart trembling fear about not being able to trust in my body. One day I was a healthy 5 year old and the next minute I dropped paralyzed to the ground. Three years later I experienced horrific acts of violence against my mind and body which needless to say did not do much for developing a loving relationship with my body. I dissociated and developed my intellectual prowess. Something loosened up within me when I hit the pavement today. My left leg felt open and free. The very thing I feared the most happened and not only did I survive it but I went on to finish my run. I have superpowers within me. We all do. It’s by totally trusting in the love of the Divine that we harness these superpowers. Even though I fell, I felt invincible. I needed to show and tell my body that we were fine after a hard hit on the pavement. I felt my strength and resilience! I was told that I had severe osteoporosis of my hip and spine. I was warned that if I fell I was at risk for a fracture. I took only one dose of the medication that was supposed to prevent fractures and strengthen bones. I had an adverse reaction to it. My body knew it would not serve me. Recent research has shown that the drugs to treat osteoporosis are not efficacious. I landed flat on my hip without a fracture. We completed our 6.5 miles and waded into the ocean for a cleansing ice bath. The cold salt water brought instant healing to my body. Tom and I dove in and went for a swim. We hydrated and refueled with our snacks, went in for another swim and stopped on the way home for a delicious post run lunch at the Kukoo Cafe in Brookline Village.
I took another ice bath with Epsom salts and a hot shower. We bought band aids to protect the scrapes. I used Vaseline to promote the healing of the scrapes on my nose and upper lip. I used the affirmation that I use every week after our runs, "I trust in my body's capacity to recover from runs and workouts." I experienced a deep connection to the Divine and the angels that have been there to help me create the miracle of healing in my life.
I ran 6.5 miles today! A quarter of a marathon and half the distance for the 2016 Bermuda Half Marathon. I believe with my whole Being, deep in my heart and soul that I am going the distance. It's time to take off the boxing gloves. It’s time to stop shadow boxing with the demons from my past. I can settle down and settle into the person I have become...whole, healthy, transformed, a runner girl. I claimed the superhero within me.
With today’s fall I can honestly say, “Holy Crap! I’m Batman!”
Throughout these 10 years of running and life, I have had to pick myself up many many times. I've slogged through difficult runs and breezed through runs that I felt as though I could run forever. I've had to navigate my way through my own health concerns and the mental health issues that has plagued my daughter for the past 4 years.
Yet through it all, I keep moving forward and know that no matter how many times I may fall or face what seems to be an insurmountable challenge, I am resilient and can always harness my superhero powers to make it through.
From my heart to yours,
To your health and wellness,
Mary
My healing journey is going to be featured in David R. Hamilton's soon to be released book, "How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body." It's available for pre-order on Amazon.
Be sure to visit my website by following this link.
My books are available on Amazon.
Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life
Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:
Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):
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