Wednesday, August 31, 2016
Reclaim Advantage! Reclaim Life! My Day in Court
I received one of the greatest gifts of my life today during my massage therapy session with Jeffrey Spratt,MT, pioneer of the life saving transformative Spratt Method of Muscular Therapy. I had my day in court.
Now truth be told I did not even know I needed a day in court. That's the beauty of the work we do together. In addition to receiving massage therapy as a runner, we are also partnering together to heal the effects of paralytic polio and childhood trauma.
Layer by layer and breath by breath we've been working to heal the emotional, physical and spiritual wounds from my past. Every week, for 90 minutes and this past Sunday for 25 minutes for a ShakeOut (TM) Massage, we partner together and the results are astounding (more on that in tomorrow's blog).
In spite of or maybe because Jeffrey has the most powerful healing touch I've ever experienced, I am still triggered by his touch. There are a lot of traumatic memories on the landscape of my body. Jeffrey always reminds me of the beauty that emerges from scars and uses words and touch to reverse and transform the events from my past. And although I am triggered, I am also simultaneously healed.
For the first time in our work together and, for the first time in my life, I was able to experience the outrage of what happened to me; the injustice of being orally and vaginally raped from the age of 8 years old and then once I hit puberty, the rape turned into nightly beatings. I struggled at first to find words to describe how I felt about being violated. The first image I came up with was having paint - black paint - thrown all over me and then I realized the word I was looking for was defiled. Jeffrey validated for me the profound injustice of it all; how experiencing the power of positive touch in the present triggers these memories and how I struggle to enjoy the joy of my physical being which is everyone's birth right. Of course everyone has struggles and challenges but no person on this earth should have to live through the experiences I lived through and have to process what was done to me.
BUT - it is what happened to me and how blessed am I to have found my way to Jeffrey's table. With his gentle touch and compassionate presence I was able to express what I wanted and needed to express for decades without fear and surrounded by love. Survivors of sexual assault struggle with appropriately expressing anger. There is a murderous rage we all feel inside but that murderous rage only feeds the toxicity of the wounds and makes more of a soupy mess. And it doesn't facilitate the healing.
Being able to express how my life was affected by the actions of my father and grandmother and having Jeffrey bear witness and compassionate presence while also being the judge and the jury vindicated me from the beliefs I harbored for decades; the beliefs that were instilled in me with violent actions and adults who over powered me. I was vindicated and they were indicted.
Oh my goodness - I just got goosebumps. This just became even more powerful for me. My father was a lawyer and he used to put me on the stand and "try" me for my "crimes of the day" that my drug addicted mother fed to him about why I should be beaten every night. In today's massage therapy session, I went from being the defendant to being the plaintiff. I finally had my day in court and can move forward continuing to reclaim advantage and reclaim life through the power of positive touch.
One final note - to the beautiful survivor of the Stanford University rape whose perpetrator will be released from prison this Friday after serving only 3 months in prison - we all stand together. And thank you for sharing this quote from Anne Lamott:
Let us all stand together and let our light shine being a beacon for anyone who needs to find safe harbor.
To your health and wellness!