Wednesday, March 9, 2016
Reclaim Advantage! Reclaim Life! Befriend My Body
For years I despised my body feeling that it had betrayed me by collapsing from paralytic polio when I was 5. I didn't have a chance to heal my relationship with my body because just 3 years after contracting paralytic polio childhood abuse began. Almost 10 years ago now, my mind, body and soul said ENOUGH and cried out for healing. I've been on a healing odyssey and during this voyage have been learning how to befriend my body.
First I had to find someone who was skilled, compassionate, trained in treating trauma and had the intention for healing. After 9 years I found my way to the treatment table of Jeffrey Spratt, MT, pioneer of his very own method of muscular therapy that releases the body's ability to heal. Through the power of positive touch, I become empowered and reclaim my earthly home.
This past year I have been learning how to train and achieve new levels in my health and wellness journey. I have the Bermuda Half Marathon and the Hyannis 10K in the books.
I have up leveled my core training to include different workouts and plan to move to dolphin plank after I am able to hold a regular plank for 3:30. I love experiencing the sense of both challenge and then mastery and then moving to the next level embracing the challenge until I find ease and mastery. There is a balance between easy runs and hard runs and making sure that I am working different muscle groups on different days.
Since my left knee and leg got a little grouchy after my most recent 4 miler, I took to the pool this week and opted to not run. I had the pool at Wave Health and Fitness all to myself. As I felt different twinges in my left knee I saw this magical and mystical reflection on the wall. It was a reminder to focus on the wave not on the particle to quote Dr. Joe Dispenza. I had a very "What the bleep do we know..." and "Down the rabbit hole" kind of experience in the pool. I felt a separation from my polio/trauma survivor self with my healthy, whole and integrated self in body and Being. Yet I feel this wonderful integration and acceptance of all that happened to me. I became keenly aware of the part of me that experienced growing up in a war zone and had this keen awareness of how my brain operates when it's using the old habits of vigilance, protection, being aware of needing to be defensive and planning strategies for survival. I could feel my solar plexus relax and felt this wonderful sense of safety, strength, trust and peace in the present moment.
I allowed feelings of embarrassment and shame to come and go especially as I reflected on last week's treatment with Jeffrey when he was working with my arm and my hand went into a spasm. I took deep breaths of gratitude that Jeffrey allows me to "use" him for whatever I need to do to heal such as asking him to pause with his hands splayed on my back so I can take deep breaths into his hands. Or to move however I need to move on the table to allow my body to heal from the trauma and restore goodness. (For more on this reference Peter A. Levine's works.) It is a true and sacred partnership that I know and trust allows everything to heal as I learn how to love and befriend my body.
I can feel my strength building in the way I am able to swim now. I practiced my butterfly stroke. At one point I got neurologically confused with the two kicks and using my arms so I paused and told myself to not over think it. Even though I was all alone in the pool I could feel a presence and knew that it was Joe Stetz my beloved swim counselor from Badger Day Camp helping me to pick up the pieces from my past and move forward as a strong and confident swimmer.
And then I had this feeling wash over me that I need some kind of ceremony to put what happened to rest especially as it pertains to my left leg. We call my left leg factory new. I can sense that I need a bridge and some help getting from here to there in the quantum field. I don't know what kind of ceremony I need. Jeffrey and I will figure that out but I do know that I am ready to take the leap and move forward in being able to fully reclaim my advantage and reclaim my life.