Monday, August 3, 2015
Going the Distance: Feeling My Strong! Back to the Present! I slayed the dragon!
A few weeks ago during my treatment with Jeffrey Spratt, MT, Principal of Spratt Muscular Therapies, as he held my cranium, the final hold of the craniosacral treatment for the day, I said, "It's draining." Jeff commented, "It's losing its strength."
I could feel the effects of the polio virus draining out of my spinal cord and brain.
Last week, Jeff massaged my arms and hands while I was lying face down and then did Thai yoga massage with my arms after I flipped over. He set the intention early on in our work together to heal the tremors.
That work has created a wonderful albeit challenging awareness of how the violence affected the wiring of my brain.
I realized that I can now soar like an eagle as though I have wings to quote Anthony Newley from that wonderful song, Just Once in a Lifetime. Perhaps I am drawn to his music right now because he wrote songs about Pure Imagination, Dreaming and Gonna Build a Mountain and making it all come true ... gonna build a heaven from a little hell...
And I felt the conflict within me between my Divinity, my greatness, my courage, my strength and the evil and darkness I faced at the hands of my family members.
I realized that before I worked with Jeff, I'd hit a wall in my healing. I couldn't get beyond my past although let me tell you it was not for lack of trying.
With Jeff clearing the gunk out of my body, I am clearing the gunk out of my thoughts.
In my meditations, I see myself through the eyes of the person I've already become to quote a line from "What the bleep do we know..."
I see myself as graceful, strong, not a trace of the tremors (although let me just say how much they have diminished and at times don't even exist). I see myself without shame or fear. I take my place in this world as I was always meant to take my place in this world as a child of God.
As I swam laps today I felt freedom in my arms, strength in my back and was aware of my beautiful hands. I remember when swimming 30 minutes of laps was a challenge for me. I now swim 70 minutes with a combination of strokes and using a kick board for aqua jogging. I glide through the water now and have complete confidence that this is the perfect complement to my running. On Saturday we ran for 6 miles. Yesterday I did strength training on land and here I was today in the pool for 70 minutes of lap swimming followed by another circuit of strength training in the pool to hit quads, hip flexors and upper body work. Tomorrow it's a 5K training run incorporating hills and Wednesday I strength train again.
As I was winding down my strength training in the pool and was all alone in the pool, I noticed the sun's reflection on the water through the skylight, the beautiful clear blue sky with just a few clouds and the quiet ripples in the pool.
I had an epiphany. I experienced the neurological and psychological effects of having been raped for 3 years followed by 6 years of nightly beatings in combination with weekly torture rituals at the hands of my grandmother. I observed myself and my thoughts and my feelings and how they wanted me to remain subservient, terrified, isolated and constricted. I realized why I experienced anxiety when I first walk into Wave Health and Fitness with its lavish surroundings and warm and wonderful people. I became keenly aware of the source of the tremors and the battle that raged within me. I realized how much I fought to believe that I deserve to work with Jeff and to now heal everything!
And then I felt my strong. I experienced my courage, my beauty, my light - my Divinity and I came back to the present.
As synchronicity would have it, one of the women that I have become friends with at the pool walked in just as I finished this meditation in the pool. She ran the Bermuda Half in January and wanted to show me her picture at the finish. "This is what you'll have to look forward to in January." She is training for her first Sprint Tri in September. I asked her if she was feeling any better about her swimming. She said that she was able to swim consecutive laps and feels that her swimming is getting a lot stronger. We traded stories about our training this weekend.
As I walked to the front desk to turn in the weight locker key, Jeff was sitting in his treatment room. He saw me pass by and came out and said Good morning! Good morning! and gave me one of his greatest commodities as he calls it, a hug. That hug sealed the deal for me!
I know this time I am going the distance on the roads and in my life! I can feel that I made it over the hump that seemed to always stop me cold in my tracks although until today I did not know what that hump was.
I'm creating an amazing life out of the hell of my past. Everything is healed. Everything is rewired. I feel it in every fiber of my Being. I feel my strong and gratitude overflows from my heart that I am here now to live and enjoy every precious moment of my life.
Gonna build a mountain and a daydream gonna see them both come through ...
Just once in my lifetime ... I'm gonna do great things!
I slayed the dragon of my past and my dreams are coming true ...
I chronicle the first 7 years of my healing journey after being diagnosed with post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease as a survivor of childhood paralytic polio and 9 years of childhood domestic violence in Coming Home:A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility.
In Journey Well, the journey continues in the wake of my nephew's suicide on 3/4/11 and the events of 4/15/13. Through my journey of healing and transformation, we learn that no matter what life circumstances happen to us, we can always find a way to journey well.
"Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems," my latest collection of inspirational poetry is now available soon on Amazon