Monday, June 29, 2015
My Running Chronicles: Taper Time, Shedding the Past and a Locker Room Encounter
I'm reading Candace Pert's book, "Everything you need to know to feel go(o)d."
I "just happened" to finish reading the section where she talks about how we interpret sensations of pain in our body.
"For example, if I worry about a little buzzing sensation in my knee, and I think, 'Oh no, there's that bum knee again. It's going to give out on me someday!' I'm projecting a negative belief on that experience. I become emotionally involved in a story about my knee, which then influences my molecules to follow my message.
On the other hand, I can respond with interest rather than fear, choosing to feel the buzzing in my knee as a sign that something is obviously moving around in there...." (p. 52)
I had instinctively been doing this with my left knee interpreting signals from my left knee and the incision line from reconstructive leg surgery and hardware removal as healing. Because my left knee called out to me for healing last December, I'd been paying a lot of attention to it.
This morning on my way to a pool session to stay loose for Friday's race, I felt discomfort in my right knee and along my IT band. I've experienced this pain on and off for years now. My initial reaction was fear. Oh no you don't. I am trained and ready for Friday's race. Don't you mess me up. I made a shift and reminded myself that now I am in charge of my mind/body in contrast to decades of reacting to what was happening in my body and not having strength, confidence and trust in health, well-being and wholeness that I now experience.
I immersed myself in the healing waters of the pool at WaveHealth starting off with a gentle breast stroke for 15 minutes.
There was no one else in the pool and I was able to experience a moving meditation. There is wonderful energy at Wave that is a perfect complement to my determination to heal all that went before. I focused on the waves, and was blessed to see the clouds depart and a beautiful blue sky and sunshine moved in. I allowed myself to remember without fear, with interest and observation how my father would repeatedly try to take me down with beatings with a belt buckle in that very spot on my leg. I allowed the waters to bathe me and to allow me to shed the memories of all that went before. I felt Divine Love within and all around me and as I went through different exercises I could feel energy flow through my entire leg rather than bearing down on that one spot. I smiled. After 45 minutes, I almost cried feeling how amazing it is going to be to cross the finish line at the 50 yard line on Gillette and set a PR for myself. My goal is 46:52 or better but I am going to run like hell, walk through water stop. Run like hell, walk through the second water stop and run like hell to the finish. We'll just see what that finisher's clock has to say. I got really excited to show my bling to Jeff when I see him again on July 9th.
I reminded myself how I felt in my last treatment with Jeff; reconnecting my whole body from the disconnections created by paralytic polio and violence. I reminded myself of wholeness and that it's time to feel the heal unbecoming everything I had become to protect myself and survive and become the person and runner I was always meant to be.
I loved strength training and gentle laps in the pool, creating awareness and healing.
I had an epiphany that YES everything is healed. This is not only possible, this is coming into reality right now. I have the power to completely shed the influence of the past and experience this delicious physical form of mine. I felt hips open, strength in my calf and quads and fear wash away. I remembered the scene in What the bleep do we know....Down the rabbit hole in which Amanda, played by Marlee Matlin moves from self-loathing to self-love and a beautiful transformation in the bathtub. I recommend watching the entire movie and I purchased it for download through Beyond Words through the website but it's also available on You Tube. Watch here from 34:05-40:28.
As I moved through my exercises, I allowed the water and sunlight to transform me strengthening and opening every part of me.
Peace, confidence, strength, a trust in my body and a powerful belief that I am healed emerged as I emerged from the pool.
I walked into the locker room, took a wonderful shower and saw this woman frantically trying to open her locker. I lovingly offered to help. She said that she would get the master key from the front desk. She realized she was trying to open the wrong locker, found her locker and then launched into a discussion about Glen Campbell and Alzheimer's Disease. I was supportive and reassuring letting her know that when we don't pay attention we can easily forget things like where we park our car ... how often have you had to set off that annoying alarm to find your car or what locker we used.
I changed the topic to ask if she were a member... no she was from Florida but knew the person in charge of the hotel who gives them a great rate when they visit Boston.
Where are you from - she asked me.
I told her Brookline and she said sarcastically, "Oh so you are a member." I said yes that I use the pool and come here for muscular therapy. I told her how much I love it here and it's a wonderful place to work out.
"Well, I'm a nurse," she told me. "I could tell from the minute I looked at you there was something wrong with you."
Now in the past I would have told her my past and shared my inspirational story as I've done when people ask if I have Parkinson's Disease or inquire about tremors or whatever they may happen to notice ... but I did something very different this time. I looked her right in the eyes and stared at her disbelieving that she had just said that. I said, "I'm a runner and I cross train here."
It was the most liberating moment of my life. I absolutely believed in my transformation and I fully embodied my Being in this moment as an author, a runner, a woman who is healthy and whole blessed by everything that happened to me yet now transcending all that went before.
She went on to talk about the breakfast she had. I wished her a wonderful rest of her stay in Boston and said goodbye.
As they say in What the bleep do we know... It's very mysterious. The question is how far down the rabbit hole do you want to go? The real trick to life is not to be in the know but to be in the mystery...ponder that for awhile...
I sure do as I allow the Universe to work inside of me and around me to support me as I shed the past and emerge as the Being I was always meant to be.
Cheers! To life! Love yourself well!
I chronicle the first 7 years of my healing journey after being diagnosed with post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease as a survivor of childhood paralytic polio and 9 years of childhood domestic violence in Coming Home:A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility.
In Journey Well, the journey continues in the wake of my nephew's suicide on 3/4/11 and the events of 4/15/13. Through my journey of healing and transformation, we learn that no matter what life circumstances happen to us, we can always find a way to journey well.