All of my dreams are a heartbeat away and the answer is all up to me...
My connection to the Olympics and feeling like an Olympian champion dates back to when I went to Badger Day Camp. I had an amazing camp counselor, Joe Stetz who believed in me and trained me to compete in the butterfly in the end of summer Olympics. You can read my post, "My Running Chronicles: I Am a Competitor."
Yesterday was my last treatment with Jeff before race day as he'll be on vacation next week. He studied the course map before the treatment and made suggestions for my race strategy. As he worked to relieve muscle soreness from all the training I'd done, and we continued to heal the effects of paralytic polio and violence so I can in fact run unencumbered, he talked with me more about race strategy sharing the wisdom with me that he has imparted to the runners he has worked with through the years.
Yes you need to visualize the course. While we certainly don't want to attract any energy to the possibility of something going wrong, it is important to have a plan should you get a cramp...or a side stitch I offered. I told him how I had handled when I got a cramp or my knee locked in the pool and a side stitch and nausea while running using a mental strategy. He offered some practical tips on what to do in the event of a calf cramp (since my gastroc muscle on my left leg is newly grown) or the knee giving me pain. You can try to run through it but if need be you can slow down and take 30 seconds to work it out. I told him that I've often done that with my breathing and that we walk through all water stops.
At this point in my treatment I wondered if perhaps Jeff was a Boy Scout in addition to being a sports massage therapist because he went over every detail of preparing for race day. I told him it was an evening race and that I'd taken two training days to simulate race day with fueling and running at approximately gun time. He suggested that I not taper too much and do a shakeout run next Wednesday once again simulating fueling and gun time. I loved how he reminded me to leave plenty of time to get to the venue allowing for traffic and bib pick up and also to consider getting in that last pee before the gun goes off. I told him that I'd meditated a half hour before going out on my run and Tom and I are planning to find a quiet place to sit before gun time. As I am writing this I feel the excitement building and those wonderful pre-race butterflies that tell me how much this comeback race means to me.
It's the first time I run unencumbered as a runner; the runner I was always meant to be.
It's the first race I am running since being told I probably shouldn't run and it's the first race that I'm running with a body that is healed and transformed. I have grown a new gastroc muscle. Jeff and I have worked together to heal my left knee. In my mind's eye I have full range of motion and the effects of 5 surgeries are healed. We are bringing this forth into physical manifestation with each treatment. In yesterday's treatment, Jeff was able to work my knee even farther than in previous weeks. Jeff uses a technique where he braces my leg against his leg to help with range of motion. It has a powerful physical and emotional effect for me; a miracle to reclaim my own thighs and legs experiencing the flow of powerful energy flowing through Jeff. Jeff incorporates stretches into the treatment that leave my legs feeling light.
As Jeff used craniosacral and energy work, I could observe the fear that was once trapped in my central nervous system and how tremors were a response to both fear and faulty wiring from the polio virus. I felt new connections being made and I could feel for the first time a connection from head to toe no longer needing to experience fear or dissociation! During this morning's meditation as I remembered the craniosacral ministrations, I made a shift in the way I perceived the movement near the base of my cranium. I could feel Divine Intelligence at work creating this vibration to reconnect that which once went haywire.
And then an amazing things happened. I smiled. I heard myself say, "focus on the smile and feel your whole body." I repeated this mantra over and over and over again and felt complete, delicious blissful stillness and a wholeness of mind, body and Spirit!
After my meditation ended, I sat up and called out to Tom to see if this would work once I sat up. I remembered Joe Dispenza's mantra:
and absolutely fell in love with the process of allowing all possibilities to happen and experienced the joy of having something new to practice to rewire my system. I didn't tell Tom anything and just asked him if he noticed anything about me. He said, "Stillness." I remembered how one of my friend's who I hadn't seen in awhile commented on how strong and steady I looked. It is all happening!
As Jeff and I said goodbye, he told me that I was in great shape for the race both mentally and physically. He commented on how much muscle I've built since we first started working together in April and that we are both excited for every mile of this amazing journey. He reminded me to get in that last run on Wednesday and wished that I run fast and swift on race day.
On July 3, I will be racing with destiny excited to experience one moment in time when I cross the finish line at the 50 yard line of Gillette Stadium. I'll be a winner for a lifetime seizing that one moment in time.
I chronicle the first 7 years of my healing journey after being diagnosed with post polio syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease as a survivor of childhood paralytic polio and 9 years of childhood domestic violence in Coming Home:A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility.
In Journey Well, the journey continues in the wake of my nephew's suicide on 3/4/11 and the events of 4/15/13. Through my journey of healing and transformation, we learn that no matter what life circumstances happen to us, we can always find a way to journey well.